of her calf. Scars like ladder rungs ran from the top of the flame on her tattoo to just above her knee. I’d never noticed them before, probably because I was always gaping at her tattoo, thinking about getting one myself, or maybe because Jonzie never exposed her legs completely. She wore straight legs all the time and cuffed the bottoms so you could only see her tattoo. In gym she wore knee socks.
“Michael and I always talked about our plans. You know, we were gonna rent a camper and drive across the country after we finished high school and go to San Francisco. First we were gonna go to Alabama, then Mississippi, then stop in Arkansas and visit some friends and family. We were gonna go to Colorado and try snow skiing, then Vegas and pull the one arm bandits, and finally San Francisco and ride the cable cars. And for our ultimate goal, we planned to roller skate down Lombard Street.”
Each time Jonzie mentioned one of these places, she pointed at another deep-lined scar. When she finished, she let go of her pant leg and it slid back down to her ankle.
“Whenever I felt bad, I’d think about each place that Michael and I were planning to go and I’d slash the side of my leg like I was crossing the date off a calendar. Sometimes I still do. I just ran out of states.”
I pictured her in the act of doing this. Jonzie had always been rough. But to take a razor blade and deliberately slash your own leg really freaked me out.
Jonzie lit another cigarette and continued. “We visited my mama at the hospital for about a month. A doctor we met talked to us about our feelings about Michael. About trying to move on with our lives. Eventually, my mama came home. She started taking back to her old ways, but she’s still not the same. I’m not either.”
I sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know, Jonzie. How horrible it must have been for you. I felt like that when my daddy died. But we didn’t have anyone to talk to or help us. We had to stop grieving so we could take care of Mama. Now she’s in that stinking hospital, Luke’s acting up, and CeCe is worn out.”
“I know that hospital seems creepy and all, but they helped my mama, and they’ll help yours.” She walked over and hugged me.
“Thanks,” I said. “But don’t tell anyone. I hate talking about it. All we do at home is talk about it, and although I love Bessa to bits, she’ll send me to her granny or pastor.” I picked up a flat stone and skipped it across the lake. “They’ll just tell me to bring it to God. Well, I already have. I talk to God more than I have in a long time.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell.” She reached inside her pocket. “Sure you don’t want a cigarette?”
I shook my head and mustered up the best grin I could. “No thanks.”
Jonzie shoved the pack back into her pocket and hopped on her bike. “If you change your mind, let me know. I’ve got a whole carton.” She shot me a devilish grin. “I’d better get home before my mama starts freakin’ out.” She waved and pedaled away.
“See ya,” I said, and took off in the other direction. I prayed on the way. I prayed the Lord would help CeCe and me find a way to make Luke behave. I prayed God would fix Mama, and I prayed He’d make Jonzie stop hurting herself.
* * *
Jonzie kept my secret like she promised and I kept hers. Two weeks had passed since Mama was committed to the hospital. Luke and I visited a few times, but each time we were disappointed. She wasn’t angry or out of touch anymore, but she still wasn’t herself. She acquired a twitch in her right eye and a tremor in her left hand. My heart ached for her. The doctor told us the medicine caused the side effects, but was optimistic she would get over them quickly.
“Give it time,” the doctor said. “It should pass.”
CeCe made most of the trips to the hospital alone. They only had afternoon and evening visits. We couldn’t keep leaving school early, and CeCe didn’t like driving there at
“Michael and I always talked about our plans. You know, we were gonna rent a camper and drive across the country after we finished high school and go to San Francisco. First we were gonna go to Alabama, then Mississippi, then stop in Arkansas and visit some friends and family. We were gonna go to Colorado and try snow skiing, then Vegas and pull the one arm bandits, and finally San Francisco and ride the cable cars. And for our ultimate goal, we planned to roller skate down Lombard Street.”
Each time Jonzie mentioned one of these places, she pointed at another deep-lined scar. When she finished, she let go of her pant leg and it slid back down to her ankle.
“Whenever I felt bad, I’d think about each place that Michael and I were planning to go and I’d slash the side of my leg like I was crossing the date off a calendar. Sometimes I still do. I just ran out of states.”
I pictured her in the act of doing this. Jonzie had always been rough. But to take a razor blade and deliberately slash your own leg really freaked me out.
Jonzie lit another cigarette and continued. “We visited my mama at the hospital for about a month. A doctor we met talked to us about our feelings about Michael. About trying to move on with our lives. Eventually, my mama came home. She started taking back to her old ways, but she’s still not the same. I’m not either.”
I sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know, Jonzie. How horrible it must have been for you. I felt like that when my daddy died. But we didn’t have anyone to talk to or help us. We had to stop grieving so we could take care of Mama. Now she’s in that stinking hospital, Luke’s acting up, and CeCe is worn out.”
“I know that hospital seems creepy and all, but they helped my mama, and they’ll help yours.” She walked over and hugged me.
“Thanks,” I said. “But don’t tell anyone. I hate talking about it. All we do at home is talk about it, and although I love Bessa to bits, she’ll send me to her granny or pastor.” I picked up a flat stone and skipped it across the lake. “They’ll just tell me to bring it to God. Well, I already have. I talk to God more than I have in a long time.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell.” She reached inside her pocket. “Sure you don’t want a cigarette?”
I shook my head and mustered up the best grin I could. “No thanks.”
Jonzie shoved the pack back into her pocket and hopped on her bike. “If you change your mind, let me know. I’ve got a whole carton.” She shot me a devilish grin. “I’d better get home before my mama starts freakin’ out.” She waved and pedaled away.
“See ya,” I said, and took off in the other direction. I prayed on the way. I prayed the Lord would help CeCe and me find a way to make Luke behave. I prayed God would fix Mama, and I prayed He’d make Jonzie stop hurting herself.
* * *
Jonzie kept my secret like she promised and I kept hers. Two weeks had passed since Mama was committed to the hospital. Luke and I visited a few times, but each time we were disappointed. She wasn’t angry or out of touch anymore, but she still wasn’t herself. She acquired a twitch in her right eye and a tremor in her left hand. My heart ached for her. The doctor told us the medicine caused the side effects, but was optimistic she would get over them quickly.
“Give it time,” the doctor said. “It should pass.”
CeCe made most of the trips to the hospital alone. They only had afternoon and evening visits. We couldn’t keep leaving school early, and CeCe didn’t like driving there at
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