impression that everything between her and Rick was good, and that their marriage was solid in spite of the flare-ups and clashes of personality. Because I wanted the marriage to be solid I chose to believe this implicitly. Because I wanted the marriage to survive I clung to the notion that maybe, just maybe, they could reconcile.
I flew to Adelaide to visit Miriam and the four boys. Miriam seemed very positive, very together, very upbeat. The boys were their usual boisterous selves. They are always delighted to see me and full of talk and noise and laughter. I took them out to lunch â I wanted to talk to them on their own to establish how they were coping with the situation. I broached the subject cautiously.
âHow do you feel about Mummy and Daddy? About them not being together any more?â
Eamonn looked vaguely into the distance. Theo glanced at the menu. Gus wriggled and fidgeted and looked uncomfortable. It was Sam who was the spokesman, as usual.
âWell I was sad at first,â he said with a serious expression. âBut now Iâve got used to the idea and itâs okay.â
So that was it. I burst into tears and the four boys huddled around me, patting my back and giving me hugs. My attempt to comfort them was a complete fiasco.
I realise now that my reactions to the marriage breakdown were more about how I felt, about my pain, about my dismay that my âperfectâ world had yet again taken a big knock. Of course I was desperately sad for both Miriam and Rick that it hadnât worked out the way they planned. They had been through so much together â they really were very young when they first met â and they had supported each other and worked hard together and it just seemed dismal for it all to end like that. So suddenly, like an axe falling.
In particular, I cherished the memories of the way they worked together at the births of their four boys. I was there for every birth. They took control and responsibility for everything â Eamonn, Sam and Theo were born at home with midwives and Miriam and Rick made a brilliant team. Rick swam with Miriam in the birthing pool and cradled her between his legs each time as she delivered their four large sons.
They cherished those memories too, and eventually I realised that nothing could ever negate those extraordinary moments of intimacy. They were the building blocks of their lives and, even though they were no longer together as a couple, they were united in their reverence for this chapter in their lives.
Positives sometimes emerge from negative situations. Both Miriam and Rick seem much happier now and, after the initial shock, grief and anger, they have settled into a really good relationship revolving around the boys. It seems to me that they have handled the falloutfor their kids particularly well. Miriam notified the school counsellor immediately after the break-up so that their teachers could keep an eye on the boys and watch out for any signs of trauma. But there were no such signs. Their schoolwork didnât suffer. They didnât act out any adverse behaviour in the classroom or playground. Iâm not suggesting that they were untouched or unaffected by what happened, Iâm just saying that they appear to have taken it in their stride, and because their parents have a fundamentally respectful relationship, the boys are happy.
14
The Catch-Up
went to air in February. The first week was terrifying. We had a studio audience, and had to march onto the set during the opening music and credits, sit up at the desk facing the cameras and start talking immediately. We had been wired up with microphones â always two, in case one malfunctioned â and we also had earpieces so that the producers in the control room could help direct the flow of the conversation. Libbi was against this idea, fearing it would interfere with the authenticity of our discussions, but in the end she relented.
My main problem with
I flew to Adelaide to visit Miriam and the four boys. Miriam seemed very positive, very together, very upbeat. The boys were their usual boisterous selves. They are always delighted to see me and full of talk and noise and laughter. I took them out to lunch â I wanted to talk to them on their own to establish how they were coping with the situation. I broached the subject cautiously.
âHow do you feel about Mummy and Daddy? About them not being together any more?â
Eamonn looked vaguely into the distance. Theo glanced at the menu. Gus wriggled and fidgeted and looked uncomfortable. It was Sam who was the spokesman, as usual.
âWell I was sad at first,â he said with a serious expression. âBut now Iâve got used to the idea and itâs okay.â
So that was it. I burst into tears and the four boys huddled around me, patting my back and giving me hugs. My attempt to comfort them was a complete fiasco.
I realise now that my reactions to the marriage breakdown were more about how I felt, about my pain, about my dismay that my âperfectâ world had yet again taken a big knock. Of course I was desperately sad for both Miriam and Rick that it hadnât worked out the way they planned. They had been through so much together â they really were very young when they first met â and they had supported each other and worked hard together and it just seemed dismal for it all to end like that. So suddenly, like an axe falling.
In particular, I cherished the memories of the way they worked together at the births of their four boys. I was there for every birth. They took control and responsibility for everything â Eamonn, Sam and Theo were born at home with midwives and Miriam and Rick made a brilliant team. Rick swam with Miriam in the birthing pool and cradled her between his legs each time as she delivered their four large sons.
They cherished those memories too, and eventually I realised that nothing could ever negate those extraordinary moments of intimacy. They were the building blocks of their lives and, even though they were no longer together as a couple, they were united in their reverence for this chapter in their lives.
Positives sometimes emerge from negative situations. Both Miriam and Rick seem much happier now and, after the initial shock, grief and anger, they have settled into a really good relationship revolving around the boys. It seems to me that they have handled the falloutfor their kids particularly well. Miriam notified the school counsellor immediately after the break-up so that their teachers could keep an eye on the boys and watch out for any signs of trauma. But there were no such signs. Their schoolwork didnât suffer. They didnât act out any adverse behaviour in the classroom or playground. Iâm not suggesting that they were untouched or unaffected by what happened, Iâm just saying that they appear to have taken it in their stride, and because their parents have a fundamentally respectful relationship, the boys are happy.
14
The Catch-Up
went to air in February. The first week was terrifying. We had a studio audience, and had to march onto the set during the opening music and credits, sit up at the desk facing the cameras and start talking immediately. We had been wired up with microphones â always two, in case one malfunctioned â and we also had earpieces so that the producers in the control room could help direct the flow of the conversation. Libbi was against this idea, fearing it would interfere with the authenticity of our discussions, but in the end she relented.
My main problem with
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