quickly, time for me to leave. I mean, I think it's nice and all, but I can't stomach a night full of sappy, happy moments. It will take time for me to turn that corner. And I possibly never will. I'm still Jennifer Jaimeson. I won't lose that title easily.
I get up and take my plate ready to say my goodnights to the two love birds, when Bailey says, “Um ... Jen.”
Wow, not sure she's ever called me that before. It's usually Jenny, or Jennifer, or other assortment of names I'm not supposed to hear.
I smile. “Yeah.”
“Um ... I just wanted to say, thanks. Thanks for last night. Staying with me, and looking after me.”
Oh. Right. Did not expect her to say that.
I shrug. “Sure. No problem.” I have never had a nice genuine moment with Bailey, or any other girl for that matter, and I'm not sure how to act.
“And, well, ... Cam and I wondered if you want to come out with us to dinner next week. Maybe Friday. “
Dinner with these two. Crap. I really don't want to. But she's obviously trying to be nice. Put in an effort.
“Oh, um ... yeah, that sounds great. It's a date,” I say, as I make my way out of the room smiling like I think it's the best idea ever.
I don't want to be the third wheel. I just hope they don't plan to make me a pet sympathy project or something. Asking me to go out with them all the time. Ick, that would be the worst.
I make my way to bed and cuddle up under the covers. I sigh in relief, this is the one place that feels right and normal when everything else in my life is completely off the rails.
THiRTeeN
_________________________
It's been four days since I've seen Tanning. So much for really wanting to see me. And it's not like I'm counting or anything. Or that every single minute of the day has dragged and I'm not really into my baking like normal. I can't stop thinking about him. It’s so frustrating. I thought a bit of distance was what I needed to get him out of my head, but it’s way worse. I keep re-living every single moment we were together, every conversation we had. And that kiss keeps haunting my dreams. Well, not exactly haunting, more like turning into the best dream ever, especially when it doesn't end with that kiss. Sigh. Its only haunting when I wake up and realize I’m dreaming and I literally kick myself. I am so pathetic and I hate it. Really hate it.
I'm on my morning break at my favorite spot. The department store on Williams Rd. I'm staring at the beautiful crib I want to buy for Treasure Pot. It’s so pretty. All white wood with a fancy carved headboard featuring Winnie the Pooh and Tigger. I love that story and I already have my old copy packed carefully away to read to Treasure Pot one day. My mom used to read it to me every night when I was little, and it is still a nice memory. One I do treasure, despite all that has passed between us over the last few years. The crib costs nearly a thousand dollars, and I'm so close to having enough money to buy it. I mean I do have a little more saved, but I can't touch that money. I'll need it when I move out of Cam's house after Treasure Pot is born. I know Cam's mom won't expect me to leave, but now I've come to terms with him and Bailey being a permanent thing, I know its not really appropriate for me to stay there. They have both been so good to me, but I can't expect it to last.
I sigh, and trail my fingers over the smooth wood and tinkle with the matching Winnie the Pooh mobile that spins over the top. Thinking, I’ll probably save for that as well.
I'm just about to leave to get a vitamin drink when I hear a familiar voice. My head snaps in that direction, like I'm being charmed by his tone. Tanning. Oh, I'm not sure I want to see him here. I check over my old denim skirt and black strappy tank top. Not exactly my best attire, but I was so tired this morning I didn't have the energy to put in my usual effort. I've also decided my Jimmy Choo heels are way too uncomfortable, so I'm wearing my flat
I get up and take my plate ready to say my goodnights to the two love birds, when Bailey says, “Um ... Jen.”
Wow, not sure she's ever called me that before. It's usually Jenny, or Jennifer, or other assortment of names I'm not supposed to hear.
I smile. “Yeah.”
“Um ... I just wanted to say, thanks. Thanks for last night. Staying with me, and looking after me.”
Oh. Right. Did not expect her to say that.
I shrug. “Sure. No problem.” I have never had a nice genuine moment with Bailey, or any other girl for that matter, and I'm not sure how to act.
“And, well, ... Cam and I wondered if you want to come out with us to dinner next week. Maybe Friday. “
Dinner with these two. Crap. I really don't want to. But she's obviously trying to be nice. Put in an effort.
“Oh, um ... yeah, that sounds great. It's a date,” I say, as I make my way out of the room smiling like I think it's the best idea ever.
I don't want to be the third wheel. I just hope they don't plan to make me a pet sympathy project or something. Asking me to go out with them all the time. Ick, that would be the worst.
I make my way to bed and cuddle up under the covers. I sigh in relief, this is the one place that feels right and normal when everything else in my life is completely off the rails.
THiRTeeN
_________________________
It's been four days since I've seen Tanning. So much for really wanting to see me. And it's not like I'm counting or anything. Or that every single minute of the day has dragged and I'm not really into my baking like normal. I can't stop thinking about him. It’s so frustrating. I thought a bit of distance was what I needed to get him out of my head, but it’s way worse. I keep re-living every single moment we were together, every conversation we had. And that kiss keeps haunting my dreams. Well, not exactly haunting, more like turning into the best dream ever, especially when it doesn't end with that kiss. Sigh. Its only haunting when I wake up and realize I’m dreaming and I literally kick myself. I am so pathetic and I hate it. Really hate it.
I'm on my morning break at my favorite spot. The department store on Williams Rd. I'm staring at the beautiful crib I want to buy for Treasure Pot. It’s so pretty. All white wood with a fancy carved headboard featuring Winnie the Pooh and Tigger. I love that story and I already have my old copy packed carefully away to read to Treasure Pot one day. My mom used to read it to me every night when I was little, and it is still a nice memory. One I do treasure, despite all that has passed between us over the last few years. The crib costs nearly a thousand dollars, and I'm so close to having enough money to buy it. I mean I do have a little more saved, but I can't touch that money. I'll need it when I move out of Cam's house after Treasure Pot is born. I know Cam's mom won't expect me to leave, but now I've come to terms with him and Bailey being a permanent thing, I know its not really appropriate for me to stay there. They have both been so good to me, but I can't expect it to last.
I sigh, and trail my fingers over the smooth wood and tinkle with the matching Winnie the Pooh mobile that spins over the top. Thinking, I’ll probably save for that as well.
I'm just about to leave to get a vitamin drink when I hear a familiar voice. My head snaps in that direction, like I'm being charmed by his tone. Tanning. Oh, I'm not sure I want to see him here. I check over my old denim skirt and black strappy tank top. Not exactly my best attire, but I was so tired this morning I didn't have the energy to put in my usual effort. I've also decided my Jimmy Choo heels are way too uncomfortable, so I'm wearing my flat
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