hard and cold. “She turned up
outside the school after I’d been there to do my careers talk. I panicked—I
thought someone might see her, or see us talking, so I told her to get in the
car. She said she just wanted to say hi and could we go for a coffee or
something. I didn’t know what to do with her. I drove out to the café on State
Highway Ten and bought her a coffee, but as soon as I’d done it, I couldn’t
drink mine. I felt like I’d swallowed a billiard ball.”
“What did she want?” Cam asked.
“I don’t know. I still don’t know. She said
she came here to visit a cousin, but she knew I was getting married. I think
she might have come here to stop the wedding.” Surprisingly, Dex felt relieved
to have told someone. The panic had burrowed into his chest like an insect, and
for the first time his heart lightened at sharing the news.
“What is she going to do?” Cam said.
“I don’t know. Maybe nothing.”
“Why did you kiss her?”
Fresh tears of frustration and anger filled
Dex’s eyes. He looked across the road to the supermarket, watching people
struggling to their cars with bags of heavy shopping. How could everything be
so normal when his world was falling apart?
“She taunted me,” he said, his voice low.
“I told her—by mistake—that Honey and I hadn’t slept together, and she started
going on about us, things we used to do… It made me angry. I left that life
behind and I thought I’d moved on, but she made me feel that some of the
darkness still remains inside me. She grabbed me and kissed me and, for one
second, I didn’t stop her.” He looked back at Cam, his eyes blurry. “It was
only a second, but I know it’s not an excuse, and I know I did wrong. I’ve
hated myself for it ever since.”
“You still love Honey?”
“Of course. I know I’ve screwed up. I love
her so much, Cam, it’s killing me to think I’ve hurt her…”
To his surprise, Cam reached out and rested
a hand briefly on his shoulder. “Calm down,” Cam said, sounding amused. “You
haven’t committed murder. Or even been unfaithful. You haven’t hurt Honey—yet.
And you won’t, because she’s not going to find out.”
Dex blew out a long, slow breath. “Okay.”
“At least I’m not going to tell her. And
neither will Koru. It was a friend of his who saw you and told him, you know.”
Dex closed his eyes. “Fuck.”
“Fuck indeed.”
“Is he angry?”
“He wanted to cut off your dick and stuff
it in your mouth. I managed to persuade him otherwise.” Cam continued to sound
amused.
Disappointment swept over Dex. His
shoulders sagged. He couldn’t believe Koru had seen him. “Why aren’t you going
to tell her?” he whispered.
Cam studied him thoughtfully. “Because
she’s had a hell of a time in the past, and this is the happiest I’ve seen her
in years. Because she’s crazy about you and, in spite of all this, I think
you’re crazy about her. And because I sincerely believe that, deep down, you’re
a good man, and you want to do well by her. I think you’ll be faithful to her,
and you’ll look after her.”
“I will,” Dex croaked.
“Because if you don’t, I’ll let Koru loose
on you.” Cam’s eyes glittered.
Dex looked at his feet, remembering Koru’s
tale of what he’d done to Ian Mc-Fucking-Idiot. “How mad is he?”
Cam sighed. “He’s angry. But the thing
is…we’ve all been there, Dex. You think you’re the only one who’s ever had an
unhealthy obsession with a girl? People can have a hold over us for all sorts
of reasons. Women are like sirens—they call out to your soul and there’s often
not a damn thing you can do about it—you go running whether you want to or
not.”
Was he talking about Marama or someone
else? Dex wasn’t sure.
“Do you want this girl?” Cam asked.
“No!” Dex spoke vehemently. “God, no.”
“And do you love Honey?”
“Yes. I swear it, Cam. With all my heart.”
“Then let’s forget about
outside the school after I’d been there to do my careers talk. I panicked—I
thought someone might see her, or see us talking, so I told her to get in the
car. She said she just wanted to say hi and could we go for a coffee or
something. I didn’t know what to do with her. I drove out to the café on State
Highway Ten and bought her a coffee, but as soon as I’d done it, I couldn’t
drink mine. I felt like I’d swallowed a billiard ball.”
“What did she want?” Cam asked.
“I don’t know. I still don’t know. She said
she came here to visit a cousin, but she knew I was getting married. I think
she might have come here to stop the wedding.” Surprisingly, Dex felt relieved
to have told someone. The panic had burrowed into his chest like an insect, and
for the first time his heart lightened at sharing the news.
“What is she going to do?” Cam said.
“I don’t know. Maybe nothing.”
“Why did you kiss her?”
Fresh tears of frustration and anger filled
Dex’s eyes. He looked across the road to the supermarket, watching people
struggling to their cars with bags of heavy shopping. How could everything be
so normal when his world was falling apart?
“She taunted me,” he said, his voice low.
“I told her—by mistake—that Honey and I hadn’t slept together, and she started
going on about us, things we used to do… It made me angry. I left that life
behind and I thought I’d moved on, but she made me feel that some of the
darkness still remains inside me. She grabbed me and kissed me and, for one
second, I didn’t stop her.” He looked back at Cam, his eyes blurry. “It was
only a second, but I know it’s not an excuse, and I know I did wrong. I’ve
hated myself for it ever since.”
“You still love Honey?”
“Of course. I know I’ve screwed up. I love
her so much, Cam, it’s killing me to think I’ve hurt her…”
To his surprise, Cam reached out and rested
a hand briefly on his shoulder. “Calm down,” Cam said, sounding amused. “You
haven’t committed murder. Or even been unfaithful. You haven’t hurt Honey—yet.
And you won’t, because she’s not going to find out.”
Dex blew out a long, slow breath. “Okay.”
“At least I’m not going to tell her. And
neither will Koru. It was a friend of his who saw you and told him, you know.”
Dex closed his eyes. “Fuck.”
“Fuck indeed.”
“Is he angry?”
“He wanted to cut off your dick and stuff
it in your mouth. I managed to persuade him otherwise.” Cam continued to sound
amused.
Disappointment swept over Dex. His
shoulders sagged. He couldn’t believe Koru had seen him. “Why aren’t you going
to tell her?” he whispered.
Cam studied him thoughtfully. “Because
she’s had a hell of a time in the past, and this is the happiest I’ve seen her
in years. Because she’s crazy about you and, in spite of all this, I think
you’re crazy about her. And because I sincerely believe that, deep down, you’re
a good man, and you want to do well by her. I think you’ll be faithful to her,
and you’ll look after her.”
“I will,” Dex croaked.
“Because if you don’t, I’ll let Koru loose
on you.” Cam’s eyes glittered.
Dex looked at his feet, remembering Koru’s
tale of what he’d done to Ian Mc-Fucking-Idiot. “How mad is he?”
Cam sighed. “He’s angry. But the thing
is…we’ve all been there, Dex. You think you’re the only one who’s ever had an
unhealthy obsession with a girl? People can have a hold over us for all sorts
of reasons. Women are like sirens—they call out to your soul and there’s often
not a damn thing you can do about it—you go running whether you want to or
not.”
Was he talking about Marama or someone
else? Dex wasn’t sure.
“Do you want this girl?” Cam asked.
“No!” Dex spoke vehemently. “God, no.”
“And do you love Honey?”
“Yes. I swear it, Cam. With all my heart.”
“Then let’s forget about
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