drinks, and anything with milk, make me very ill. Tea is okay.’
‘So you don’t need to drink blood?’
‘That’s a bit like me asking you whether your ability to drink wine means you don’t need to eat food. I need blood, and if I don’t get enough I get vicious. You really wouldn’t like me.’
‘Do you,’ she starts, then hesitates and glances around. ‘Do you... kill people?’ she asks in a nervous whisper. She’s biting her lip.
‘I try not to. I certainly don’t need to.’
Suddenly she’s staring at me like she’s never seen me before. I wait, watching her study me for a few minutes. The waitress brings the wine and pours some for me to taste. Lovely, plums and spices. I nod my satisfaction and she pours out two glasses. I raise my glass towards Cleo. ‘Cheers!’
After a moment’s hesitation, she returns the gesture. ‘You’re real,’ she says quietly. ‘I keep trying to explain it as a fantasy, a joke, a trick, but it’s not. You’re a real vampire. You don’t look a day older than me, but you’re centuries old. You drink human blood. You’re a killer. It’s absurd, but it’s true.’
‘Yes.’
‘And you want us to be friends.’
‘Yes.’
‘You hunt humans. I should be trying to kill you.’
‘Cleo the Vampire Slayer!’ I shout dramatically, attracting the attention of the whole room.
‘Shut up,’ she mutters. ‘You do realise I was only a child when Buffy was on. These days it’s all Twilight and Vampire Diaries.’
‘I prefer True Blood and Underworld myself. I’d love to get my hands on Kate Beckinsale’s leather corset, preferably while she’s still wearing it.’ This gets a fleeting smile from Cleo. ‘The problem with all of these is the sheer number of vampires. Humans would notice. Even if the vampires do feed on animal blood or hospital blood. The reality is that neither of those is an option for me.’
‘What about Dracula?’
‘Which one?’
‘The real one. Vlad the Impaler.’
‘Ah. Țepeș. If you’re asking me whether Vlad, Dracula, Prince of Wallachia, was really a vampire... that was before my time, but I doubt it. From everything I’ve heard and read, he was a brilliant and brutal warrior. Transylvania was a perpetual war zone between the Austrian and Ottoman empires, and the Transylvanian warlords were a bloodthirsty bunch. They used to celebrate their victories by dancing with their enemies’ dead bodies and playing football with their decapitated heads.’ Cleo grimaces. ‘It’s interesting that two of his closest allies were a Corvinus and a Bathory,’ I add.
Cleo looks lost. I explain, ‘The first two Underworld films are all about Alexander Corvinus and his descendants — his son Marcus is bitten by a bat and becomes the first vampire?’
‘Oh. Yes.’
‘Well, the Hungarian king who supported Vlad Dracula against the Turks was Matthias Corvinus, Hunyadi Mátyás, the son of a Transylvanian warlord. Underworld places Alexander Corvinus a thousand years earlier, which doesn’t make much sense. The Bathory family is much more interesting. István, Stephen, who fought alongside Vlad, was later appointed governor of Transylvania, and later several other Bathori were Transylvanian warlords. The Stephen Bathory who became King of Poland at the end of 1575 was a Prince of Transylvania.’
‘I’ve always just thought of Transylvania as a castle deep in a forest.’
‘With Christopher Lee its sole inhabitant...’ She grins. ‘Patience a minute — I am going somewhere with this. Transylvania is a region of modern-day Romania, but for a long time it was a province of Hungary, and part of Hungary, including Transylvania, became a province of the Ottoman Empire. The Bathory family were Hungarian nobility with strong links to Transylvania, and they sided with the Ottoman Empire, but they gave their brightest star in marriage to Ferenc Nádasdy, a noble in the Austrian-controlled Kingdom of Hungary. Ferenc grew up to be a
‘So you don’t need to drink blood?’
‘That’s a bit like me asking you whether your ability to drink wine means you don’t need to eat food. I need blood, and if I don’t get enough I get vicious. You really wouldn’t like me.’
‘Do you,’ she starts, then hesitates and glances around. ‘Do you... kill people?’ she asks in a nervous whisper. She’s biting her lip.
‘I try not to. I certainly don’t need to.’
Suddenly she’s staring at me like she’s never seen me before. I wait, watching her study me for a few minutes. The waitress brings the wine and pours some for me to taste. Lovely, plums and spices. I nod my satisfaction and she pours out two glasses. I raise my glass towards Cleo. ‘Cheers!’
After a moment’s hesitation, she returns the gesture. ‘You’re real,’ she says quietly. ‘I keep trying to explain it as a fantasy, a joke, a trick, but it’s not. You’re a real vampire. You don’t look a day older than me, but you’re centuries old. You drink human blood. You’re a killer. It’s absurd, but it’s true.’
‘Yes.’
‘And you want us to be friends.’
‘Yes.’
‘You hunt humans. I should be trying to kill you.’
‘Cleo the Vampire Slayer!’ I shout dramatically, attracting the attention of the whole room.
‘Shut up,’ she mutters. ‘You do realise I was only a child when Buffy was on. These days it’s all Twilight and Vampire Diaries.’
‘I prefer True Blood and Underworld myself. I’d love to get my hands on Kate Beckinsale’s leather corset, preferably while she’s still wearing it.’ This gets a fleeting smile from Cleo. ‘The problem with all of these is the sheer number of vampires. Humans would notice. Even if the vampires do feed on animal blood or hospital blood. The reality is that neither of those is an option for me.’
‘What about Dracula?’
‘Which one?’
‘The real one. Vlad the Impaler.’
‘Ah. Țepeș. If you’re asking me whether Vlad, Dracula, Prince of Wallachia, was really a vampire... that was before my time, but I doubt it. From everything I’ve heard and read, he was a brilliant and brutal warrior. Transylvania was a perpetual war zone between the Austrian and Ottoman empires, and the Transylvanian warlords were a bloodthirsty bunch. They used to celebrate their victories by dancing with their enemies’ dead bodies and playing football with their decapitated heads.’ Cleo grimaces. ‘It’s interesting that two of his closest allies were a Corvinus and a Bathory,’ I add.
Cleo looks lost. I explain, ‘The first two Underworld films are all about Alexander Corvinus and his descendants — his son Marcus is bitten by a bat and becomes the first vampire?’
‘Oh. Yes.’
‘Well, the Hungarian king who supported Vlad Dracula against the Turks was Matthias Corvinus, Hunyadi Mátyás, the son of a Transylvanian warlord. Underworld places Alexander Corvinus a thousand years earlier, which doesn’t make much sense. The Bathory family is much more interesting. István, Stephen, who fought alongside Vlad, was later appointed governor of Transylvania, and later several other Bathori were Transylvanian warlords. The Stephen Bathory who became King of Poland at the end of 1575 was a Prince of Transylvania.’
‘I’ve always just thought of Transylvania as a castle deep in a forest.’
‘With Christopher Lee its sole inhabitant...’ She grins. ‘Patience a minute — I am going somewhere with this. Transylvania is a region of modern-day Romania, but for a long time it was a province of Hungary, and part of Hungary, including Transylvania, became a province of the Ottoman Empire. The Bathory family were Hungarian nobility with strong links to Transylvania, and they sided with the Ottoman Empire, but they gave their brightest star in marriage to Ferenc Nádasdy, a noble in the Austrian-controlled Kingdom of Hungary. Ferenc grew up to be a
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