they branded me. I’ve starved. I’ve slept in a rank bed with corpses, and I’ve slept in my own filth. I’ve had dysentery and the measles. Prison was the longest year of my life, and I’ll never be imprisoned again.
“I’m telling you this because I want to you to know some things, and I want you to hold them at the center of your being. I try on a daily basis to survive my past. You see me as your handsome, dashing older brother, the mischievous one who likes his fun. I play the part because it keeps me from settling back into my coarse nature. Drink keeps me in the present. Hard work helps me know that I am useful and haven’t been completely degraded. If prison did all of this to me and they ultimately released me, can you imagine what they did to Eric if your theory is correct?
“I’m telling you to take a good, hard look at who I am and accept that if he is out there somewhere, you don’t want him. If he’s alive after any of the outcomes you suggested, then he truly loves you because he had sense enough not to come home.
“None of it is true, though. I’d wager this wounded leg that I’m so wild to keep that he’s dead. You’ll come out of this better if you blindly believe it. I know you wish there was a body. So do I. One isn’t going to turn up.
“I want you to go to bed and think about what a good man loved you. He was true to you in every way. I’m wild about Fairlee and I can’t say the same. Most women can’t boast the type of love that you had. It might not be enough for you now, but it’s far more than most get. You aren’t ruined like Victoria, and you aren’t a drunk like me. You still have a chance. You can go into Mother’s annals a raging social success.
“I don’t know about this man you love now, but I’m not completely out of tune with women. I have my guesses. Don’t debase yourself by begging to be with any man who doesn’t want to be with you. As Mother would say, you’re a Forrest and a Marshall, and that counts for something. Don’t tell her I agreed with her, please. We’ll blame it on the liquor just this once. If you’re curious if I know anything about the sudden change of interest, no, I don’t. I also am not going to get involved so don’t ask.”
Somerset rose from her seat. She grabbed the console, finding herself swaying on her feet. The full effects of the alcohol were settling in and she got the dim impression she should go drink some water. She hoped Cleo or Bess had a pitcher in her room.
“I’ll think about everything you said tonight if I can remember it all in the morning,” she said, her words sounding thick. “Thank you for listening to me, for treating me like an equal whose thoughts matter. I don’t know if I’ll come to agree with you on every point, but you’ve given me plenty of information. I loved him. I still do. He’d go to the ends of the earth for me. Why shouldn’t I do the same for him?”
Joseph went to reply but, realizing he wasn’t certain who exactly she was speaking of, he passed over the remarks. He limped across the room on a damaged leg that was starting to show the full extent of pain he felt and held the door open for her.
“I want you to remember our deal,” he said and she weaved passed him into the hall. “I talked to you man to man like you wanted, when I prefer to go forward not backward. I’ll never speak of it again. Don’t ask. I want you to leave me alone about it. The war, the day Eric died, Elmira, all these ideas you’ve troubled yourself with—none of them will change any of our circumstances now. Get up tomorrow and live a day that you’d be proud of instead of trying to please everyone around you. I’ve played that game and I was never happy at the end of the day. Just remember, I’m not talking about it anymore.”
He shut the door against her and left her standing in the dark hall. The emptiness of his words reverberated in her chest. She saw the murky blue light beginning
“I’m telling you this because I want to you to know some things, and I want you to hold them at the center of your being. I try on a daily basis to survive my past. You see me as your handsome, dashing older brother, the mischievous one who likes his fun. I play the part because it keeps me from settling back into my coarse nature. Drink keeps me in the present. Hard work helps me know that I am useful and haven’t been completely degraded. If prison did all of this to me and they ultimately released me, can you imagine what they did to Eric if your theory is correct?
“I’m telling you to take a good, hard look at who I am and accept that if he is out there somewhere, you don’t want him. If he’s alive after any of the outcomes you suggested, then he truly loves you because he had sense enough not to come home.
“None of it is true, though. I’d wager this wounded leg that I’m so wild to keep that he’s dead. You’ll come out of this better if you blindly believe it. I know you wish there was a body. So do I. One isn’t going to turn up.
“I want you to go to bed and think about what a good man loved you. He was true to you in every way. I’m wild about Fairlee and I can’t say the same. Most women can’t boast the type of love that you had. It might not be enough for you now, but it’s far more than most get. You aren’t ruined like Victoria, and you aren’t a drunk like me. You still have a chance. You can go into Mother’s annals a raging social success.
“I don’t know about this man you love now, but I’m not completely out of tune with women. I have my guesses. Don’t debase yourself by begging to be with any man who doesn’t want to be with you. As Mother would say, you’re a Forrest and a Marshall, and that counts for something. Don’t tell her I agreed with her, please. We’ll blame it on the liquor just this once. If you’re curious if I know anything about the sudden change of interest, no, I don’t. I also am not going to get involved so don’t ask.”
Somerset rose from her seat. She grabbed the console, finding herself swaying on her feet. The full effects of the alcohol were settling in and she got the dim impression she should go drink some water. She hoped Cleo or Bess had a pitcher in her room.
“I’ll think about everything you said tonight if I can remember it all in the morning,” she said, her words sounding thick. “Thank you for listening to me, for treating me like an equal whose thoughts matter. I don’t know if I’ll come to agree with you on every point, but you’ve given me plenty of information. I loved him. I still do. He’d go to the ends of the earth for me. Why shouldn’t I do the same for him?”
Joseph went to reply but, realizing he wasn’t certain who exactly she was speaking of, he passed over the remarks. He limped across the room on a damaged leg that was starting to show the full extent of pain he felt and held the door open for her.
“I want you to remember our deal,” he said and she weaved passed him into the hall. “I talked to you man to man like you wanted, when I prefer to go forward not backward. I’ll never speak of it again. Don’t ask. I want you to leave me alone about it. The war, the day Eric died, Elmira, all these ideas you’ve troubled yourself with—none of them will change any of our circumstances now. Get up tomorrow and live a day that you’d be proud of instead of trying to please everyone around you. I’ve played that game and I was never happy at the end of the day. Just remember, I’m not talking about it anymore.”
He shut the door against her and left her standing in the dark hall. The emptiness of his words reverberated in her chest. She saw the murky blue light beginning
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