doctor.”
There was a two-second silence.
“Ralph got an offer all of a sudden,” the voice resumed. “From America. A part in a new TV series. That’s where he’s gone, and my daughter liked the idea of going along, so I’m taking care of the boys for the moment.”
Judith’s mother. I vaguely remembered a woman in her seventies wandering around at the party, looking rather lost. The fate of all elderly parents. Your children’s friends exchange a few words with you for courtesy’s sake, then try to shake you off as quickly as they can.
“Can I …” Judith’s mother said. “Can I take a message?”
I fought back the urge to say, “I’m sorry, but I’m bound by professional confidentiality.” Instead I said, “I have some test results here on my desk. Your daughter was in to see me a few weeks ago. It’s nothing serious, but it would be good if she could contact me. I’ve been trying to reach her on her cell, but she doesn’t answer.”
“Oh yes, that, too. Judith called to tell me. That she forgot her cell phone. I’m in the kitchen now. I can see it from where I’m standing.”
Early the next morning, Judith called. My first patient of the day had just settled down across from me at my desk. A manwith thin gray hair and burst blood vessels in his face. He was suffering from erectile dysfunction.
“I can’t talk for long,” she said. “What is it?”
“Where are you exactly in America?” I asked, looking at my patient’s face. He had a face like a vacant lot, a lot where nothing would ever be built again.
“We’re in California right now. In Santa Barbara. It’s after midnight here. Ralph’s in the bathroom. I talked to my mother. She thought it was kind of weird. She may be old, but she remembered that my own doctor is a woman. I had to come up with an excuse really quickly, that I’d gone to you for a second opinion. But that only upset her even more.”
I imagined Ralph Meier in the bathroom. His big body without clothes. The jets of water from the showerhead. The drops that spatter as they strike that body: his shoulders, his chest—his stomach, which hung like a lean-to over his genitals. I tried to summon up an image of Ralph’s stomach, from that first time he’d come in to see me and I’d asked him to take off his shirt. I wondered whether he could see anything when he looked down or whether it was all hidden from sight by that belly.
“I can’t talk too long now, either,” I said. “I just wanted to hear how you were doing. And when the two of you are coming back.”
As I said this, I looked directly at the man with erectile dysfunction. There are pills to combat erectile disorders. But they remain a ruse. Those pills simply make it stand upright regardless, whether it’s for a sick horse or an empty trash can or the window display at a shop selling stationery. If I were a woman, I at least wouldn’t want to know when my partner was using medication.
“I don’t know,” Judith said. “Ralph still has to do a coupleof screen tests. It would be great if it actually worked out. It’s going to be a huge series. On HBO. They did
The Sopranos
. And
The Wire
. Thirteen episodes. About ancient Rome in the days of Caesar Augustus. They want Ralph to play the lead. To be the emperor.”
“I got your mail,” I said. “With the address of your summer house.”
“Marc, I really have to go now. We may be going down there in early July. That depends on how things go here. We may even fly straight from here. And then my mother can come down with the boys later on. Once the summer vacation starts.”
I wanted to say something else. An innuendo. A flirtation. Something that would make Judith remember right away what a charming man I really was. But the presence of the dead mouse on the other side of the desk kept me from anything but platitudes.
“We’ll be in the neighborhood,” I said. “I mean, we’re heading that way, anyway. It would be fun if
There was a two-second silence.
“Ralph got an offer all of a sudden,” the voice resumed. “From America. A part in a new TV series. That’s where he’s gone, and my daughter liked the idea of going along, so I’m taking care of the boys for the moment.”
Judith’s mother. I vaguely remembered a woman in her seventies wandering around at the party, looking rather lost. The fate of all elderly parents. Your children’s friends exchange a few words with you for courtesy’s sake, then try to shake you off as quickly as they can.
“Can I …” Judith’s mother said. “Can I take a message?”
I fought back the urge to say, “I’m sorry, but I’m bound by professional confidentiality.” Instead I said, “I have some test results here on my desk. Your daughter was in to see me a few weeks ago. It’s nothing serious, but it would be good if she could contact me. I’ve been trying to reach her on her cell, but she doesn’t answer.”
“Oh yes, that, too. Judith called to tell me. That she forgot her cell phone. I’m in the kitchen now. I can see it from where I’m standing.”
Early the next morning, Judith called. My first patient of the day had just settled down across from me at my desk. A manwith thin gray hair and burst blood vessels in his face. He was suffering from erectile dysfunction.
“I can’t talk for long,” she said. “What is it?”
“Where are you exactly in America?” I asked, looking at my patient’s face. He had a face like a vacant lot, a lot where nothing would ever be built again.
“We’re in California right now. In Santa Barbara. It’s after midnight here. Ralph’s in the bathroom. I talked to my mother. She thought it was kind of weird. She may be old, but she remembered that my own doctor is a woman. I had to come up with an excuse really quickly, that I’d gone to you for a second opinion. But that only upset her even more.”
I imagined Ralph Meier in the bathroom. His big body without clothes. The jets of water from the showerhead. The drops that spatter as they strike that body: his shoulders, his chest—his stomach, which hung like a lean-to over his genitals. I tried to summon up an image of Ralph’s stomach, from that first time he’d come in to see me and I’d asked him to take off his shirt. I wondered whether he could see anything when he looked down or whether it was all hidden from sight by that belly.
“I can’t talk too long now, either,” I said. “I just wanted to hear how you were doing. And when the two of you are coming back.”
As I said this, I looked directly at the man with erectile dysfunction. There are pills to combat erectile disorders. But they remain a ruse. Those pills simply make it stand upright regardless, whether it’s for a sick horse or an empty trash can or the window display at a shop selling stationery. If I were a woman, I at least wouldn’t want to know when my partner was using medication.
“I don’t know,” Judith said. “Ralph still has to do a coupleof screen tests. It would be great if it actually worked out. It’s going to be a huge series. On HBO. They did
The Sopranos
. And
The Wire
. Thirteen episodes. About ancient Rome in the days of Caesar Augustus. They want Ralph to play the lead. To be the emperor.”
“I got your mail,” I said. “With the address of your summer house.”
“Marc, I really have to go now. We may be going down there in early July. That depends on how things go here. We may even fly straight from here. And then my mother can come down with the boys later on. Once the summer vacation starts.”
I wanted to say something else. An innuendo. A flirtation. Something that would make Judith remember right away what a charming man I really was. But the presence of the dead mouse on the other side of the desk kept me from anything but platitudes.
“We’ll be in the neighborhood,” I said. “I mean, we’re heading that way, anyway. It would be fun if
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