shaking.
Seriously.
Heck, my whole body trembled as Matthew led me into his apartment. Which seemed weird, because didn ' t guys usually stay on the base for training?
" Why do you have an apartment? " I heard myself asking. It was out of anxiety, I knew that.
Oh wow, was I ever nervous. Which totally stunk, because I wasn ' t at all back at my house where people were everywhere, but now, here, being alone with him, with no buffer that might interrupt us, well, that was nerve-wracking.
Because I hadn ' t been with anyone since Jake. And I knew, coming here, that I was going to be with Matthew.
It ' s not that I considered Matthew the same as Jake or anything, because I didn ' t. Not even a little. They were far too different in so many ways.
But still, I was super nervous.
This was like me saying " Hey, I ' m moving on now. "
And that kind of freaked me out. In good ways and in bad ones. I couldn ' t figure out which way my emotions were leaning, since they were jumping all over the place.
He flipped on a little table lamp that looked roughly as old as I was. " The barracks are being renovated, so I opted for this. " He gestured around the furnished apartment. It was clean, and the furniture looked new-ish. " The complex caters to short term residents. It ' s not ideal, but it will work. "
I nodded. I ' d driven by this apartment complex a dozen times--it wasn ' t that far from the base, or the salon for that matter.
Guess I never paid attention.
He took my hand and led me to the couch that didn ' t seem as old as the lamp. " Are you all right, Summer? "
It was so strange how he liked to say my name.
Though it also felt really cool when he did say it. Like saying it meant that his words were meant just for me.
It was stupid. I knew it was, but it made me feel important or something. Like saying my name emphasized that he meant me, and it couldn ' t possibly be no one else.
" I ' m fine, " I heard myself say. And I walked away, clenching my trembling hands.
He put his hand on my arm. " You ' re shaking. "
" I ' m nervous. " I took his hand. He wasn ' t shaking, but maybe holding his hand would make mine stop trembling. Part of me wanted to toss back my nerves and try to be super brave and suave like guys liked, but it felt weird even considering it. I mean, I ' d climbed on his lap in the chair before, because, well...
Well, why did I do that?
I don ' t know. But I did it, because I wanted to. It seemed right in the moment.
Now, though, I was terrified.
But as I felt his hand, while he wasn ' t shaking, he was obviously tense. Worried, maybe?
And what could I say to that?
" Are you nervous? " I asked.
He nodded. " Probably the same reason you are. "
" Now that I doubt. "
" Why not? "
" Because I ' m nervous that I ' m not ready to move on yet. "
This did make him smile. " I guess then we ' re not exactly nervous for the same reasons. "
" So why are you? " I asked.
" Because I would hate to disappoint you. "
I rolled my eyes. " Dude, I can already tell you ' re, uh, well equipped. Unless your machinery is broke, I can ' t imagine you disappointing me. " Because I had felt his gear back at my house. Nope, unless the thing had a really quick trigger, I can ' t imagine him disappointing me that way. Besides, if everyone gets equal enjoyment, who cares about trigger speed?
He looked down, and was it me, or did his ears turn pink?
" My machinery works fine, " he said. This time when his eyes met mine, mirth was there, and, well, frankly it made me feel better seeing it.
" I do kinda feel like a high school kid, though. " I said.
" How do you mean? " he asked.
" Well, when you ' re in school, you ' re sneaking around, half the fun is trying to see what you can get away with while everyone ' s just in the other room. When you do get some true alone time, it ' s like, uh, what do we do now? " I plopped on the couch.
He laughed. " Yes, it feels that way. Like we have the time, so what do we do with
Seriously.
Heck, my whole body trembled as Matthew led me into his apartment. Which seemed weird, because didn ' t guys usually stay on the base for training?
" Why do you have an apartment? " I heard myself asking. It was out of anxiety, I knew that.
Oh wow, was I ever nervous. Which totally stunk, because I wasn ' t at all back at my house where people were everywhere, but now, here, being alone with him, with no buffer that might interrupt us, well, that was nerve-wracking.
Because I hadn ' t been with anyone since Jake. And I knew, coming here, that I was going to be with Matthew.
It ' s not that I considered Matthew the same as Jake or anything, because I didn ' t. Not even a little. They were far too different in so many ways.
But still, I was super nervous.
This was like me saying " Hey, I ' m moving on now. "
And that kind of freaked me out. In good ways and in bad ones. I couldn ' t figure out which way my emotions were leaning, since they were jumping all over the place.
He flipped on a little table lamp that looked roughly as old as I was. " The barracks are being renovated, so I opted for this. " He gestured around the furnished apartment. It was clean, and the furniture looked new-ish. " The complex caters to short term residents. It ' s not ideal, but it will work. "
I nodded. I ' d driven by this apartment complex a dozen times--it wasn ' t that far from the base, or the salon for that matter.
Guess I never paid attention.
He took my hand and led me to the couch that didn ' t seem as old as the lamp. " Are you all right, Summer? "
It was so strange how he liked to say my name.
Though it also felt really cool when he did say it. Like saying it meant that his words were meant just for me.
It was stupid. I knew it was, but it made me feel important or something. Like saying my name emphasized that he meant me, and it couldn ' t possibly be no one else.
" I ' m fine, " I heard myself say. And I walked away, clenching my trembling hands.
He put his hand on my arm. " You ' re shaking. "
" I ' m nervous. " I took his hand. He wasn ' t shaking, but maybe holding his hand would make mine stop trembling. Part of me wanted to toss back my nerves and try to be super brave and suave like guys liked, but it felt weird even considering it. I mean, I ' d climbed on his lap in the chair before, because, well...
Well, why did I do that?
I don ' t know. But I did it, because I wanted to. It seemed right in the moment.
Now, though, I was terrified.
But as I felt his hand, while he wasn ' t shaking, he was obviously tense. Worried, maybe?
And what could I say to that?
" Are you nervous? " I asked.
He nodded. " Probably the same reason you are. "
" Now that I doubt. "
" Why not? "
" Because I ' m nervous that I ' m not ready to move on yet. "
This did make him smile. " I guess then we ' re not exactly nervous for the same reasons. "
" So why are you? " I asked.
" Because I would hate to disappoint you. "
I rolled my eyes. " Dude, I can already tell you ' re, uh, well equipped. Unless your machinery is broke, I can ' t imagine you disappointing me. " Because I had felt his gear back at my house. Nope, unless the thing had a really quick trigger, I can ' t imagine him disappointing me that way. Besides, if everyone gets equal enjoyment, who cares about trigger speed?
He looked down, and was it me, or did his ears turn pink?
" My machinery works fine, " he said. This time when his eyes met mine, mirth was there, and, well, frankly it made me feel better seeing it.
" I do kinda feel like a high school kid, though. " I said.
" How do you mean? " he asked.
" Well, when you ' re in school, you ' re sneaking around, half the fun is trying to see what you can get away with while everyone ' s just in the other room. When you do get some true alone time, it ' s like, uh, what do we do now? " I plopped on the couch.
He laughed. " Yes, it feels that way. Like we have the time, so what do we do with
Similar Books
