the car on.
She drove in silence for a few minutes, her hands clamped on the steering wheel.
“So, what happens now?” Kyle said.
“What do you mean?” Once again, I knew exactly what she meant.
“I mean, with you and me. Not that there is a you and me. I don’t even know what the hell happened today other than we made out and I would really, really like to do it again.” Fuck, that made me want to tell her to pull over so I could yank her into the backseat.
“Are you saying that you want to come out, and then be my girlfriend?” I asked, not looking at her.
“Oh, no. We can’t do that.” No, we couldn’t.
“So there are two options. One, pretend this never happened and go back to hating each other, or two, we make out when no one else is around.” I hoped she would go for the second option, because it involved more kissing. I was in favor of any plan where I could kiss Kyle some more. That girl knew what she was doing and would have been totally wasted on boys.
“So, be like secret girlfriends?” I wanted to roll my eyes at that. It sounded stupid. Like a plot of a bad movie.
“No. We’d just be two girls who sometimes hang out and kiss. And potentially do other things. No pressure. But I don’t think we should like, be best friends or something.” I already had one of those and I didn’t need another one. Besides, I didn’t want to be Kyle’s friend. I wanted to kiss her until she couldn’t breathe. That wasn’t usually a friendship activity. Unless you were friends with benefits, but that wasn’t for me either.
“Okay, but what would we call it?” I sighed.
“Why do we have to call it anything?” I asked, turning to her. We were almost to the school.
“I guess we don’t have to.” No, we didn’t. We didn’t owe anyone anything.
“So how will this work?” She asked so many damn questions. I was going to have to kiss her more so she’d stop.
“No idea. We’ll figure it out. Just text or call or whatever. And don’t act any different at school. Promise.” That was very important. I didn’t want anyone catching on that things had changed between me and Kyle.
“Uh huh.” She still looked a little dazed. I had the feeling she was going to be up late tonight. So would I, but for different reasons. I was going to spend a lot of time thinking about kissing her and what that tongue of hers could do if it were applied to places other than my mouth.
She pulled into the parking lot and I realized that if I didn’t hurry, I was going to be late for cheer practice.
“I have to go. So I’ll see you around,” I said, my hand on the door.
“Yeah, okay,” she said, giving me a little jerky nod. I got out and closed the door, thanking the stars that there was no one around to see me get out of Kyle’s car.
W hat a bizarre day. I couldn’t stop thinking about how things had changed in only a few hours. Just last night Stella had kissed me and today I was making out with her and now I was gay.
I mean, I’d sort of known? But kissing Stella and wanting her kind of cemented it. My parents were mad at dinner when I wasn’t as open about my day as I could have been so I escaped to my room and shut the door.
I just wanted some time to THINK. There was so much noise in my head and I couldn’t sort out any of it.
Yes, I liked Stella. But was it just her or other girls?
I knew the answer to that. Yes, it was other girls. No one specific (until now), just . . . girls. Their hair and the way they walked and not to mention the way their bodies were. Just perfectly shaped. It was everything about them. How had I been so blind to it?
That was what got me. How could I live eighteen years and not know? If I hadn’t known this about myself, what else didn’t I know? That was the scariest part.
And my parents. What would they say? What would they think? They’d struggled and pushed me to be the absolute best and to have a better life than they’d had. How would me
She drove in silence for a few minutes, her hands clamped on the steering wheel.
“So, what happens now?” Kyle said.
“What do you mean?” Once again, I knew exactly what she meant.
“I mean, with you and me. Not that there is a you and me. I don’t even know what the hell happened today other than we made out and I would really, really like to do it again.” Fuck, that made me want to tell her to pull over so I could yank her into the backseat.
“Are you saying that you want to come out, and then be my girlfriend?” I asked, not looking at her.
“Oh, no. We can’t do that.” No, we couldn’t.
“So there are two options. One, pretend this never happened and go back to hating each other, or two, we make out when no one else is around.” I hoped she would go for the second option, because it involved more kissing. I was in favor of any plan where I could kiss Kyle some more. That girl knew what she was doing and would have been totally wasted on boys.
“So, be like secret girlfriends?” I wanted to roll my eyes at that. It sounded stupid. Like a plot of a bad movie.
“No. We’d just be two girls who sometimes hang out and kiss. And potentially do other things. No pressure. But I don’t think we should like, be best friends or something.” I already had one of those and I didn’t need another one. Besides, I didn’t want to be Kyle’s friend. I wanted to kiss her until she couldn’t breathe. That wasn’t usually a friendship activity. Unless you were friends with benefits, but that wasn’t for me either.
“Okay, but what would we call it?” I sighed.
“Why do we have to call it anything?” I asked, turning to her. We were almost to the school.
“I guess we don’t have to.” No, we didn’t. We didn’t owe anyone anything.
“So how will this work?” She asked so many damn questions. I was going to have to kiss her more so she’d stop.
“No idea. We’ll figure it out. Just text or call or whatever. And don’t act any different at school. Promise.” That was very important. I didn’t want anyone catching on that things had changed between me and Kyle.
“Uh huh.” She still looked a little dazed. I had the feeling she was going to be up late tonight. So would I, but for different reasons. I was going to spend a lot of time thinking about kissing her and what that tongue of hers could do if it were applied to places other than my mouth.
She pulled into the parking lot and I realized that if I didn’t hurry, I was going to be late for cheer practice.
“I have to go. So I’ll see you around,” I said, my hand on the door.
“Yeah, okay,” she said, giving me a little jerky nod. I got out and closed the door, thanking the stars that there was no one around to see me get out of Kyle’s car.
W hat a bizarre day. I couldn’t stop thinking about how things had changed in only a few hours. Just last night Stella had kissed me and today I was making out with her and now I was gay.
I mean, I’d sort of known? But kissing Stella and wanting her kind of cemented it. My parents were mad at dinner when I wasn’t as open about my day as I could have been so I escaped to my room and shut the door.
I just wanted some time to THINK. There was so much noise in my head and I couldn’t sort out any of it.
Yes, I liked Stella. But was it just her or other girls?
I knew the answer to that. Yes, it was other girls. No one specific (until now), just . . . girls. Their hair and the way they walked and not to mention the way their bodies were. Just perfectly shaped. It was everything about them. How had I been so blind to it?
That was what got me. How could I live eighteen years and not know? If I hadn’t known this about myself, what else didn’t I know? That was the scariest part.
And my parents. What would they say? What would they think? They’d struggled and pushed me to be the absolute best and to have a better life than they’d had. How would me
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