Stripping Her Defenses by Jessie Lane Page B

arms over his chest, he gave me a disapproving look. “Grandpa Pat might have been healthy as a horse—hell, he still is—but the stress and heartbreak from having his ‘wee Kara’ disappear after losing his great-grandson aged him twenty years over night. You forget you weren’t just married to Riley; you were married to his family that loved you, too. But I guess, if you can abandon the man you love, the rest of us were easy to leave behind, as well.”
    Oh… low blow.
    Perhaps I deserved it; nonetheless, it was very painful.
    Crossing my own arms over my chest, I looked down at my red painted toe nails, avoiding Declan’s penetrating stare. This was why I hadn’t wanted to talk to him. I didn’t want to face the fact that I’d hurt more than Riley. Denial seemed like a great place to live sometimes.
    A strained silence fell between us. My mind was blank. I was struggling to find the right words to say since I still firmly held onto the belief that Riley would get my explanation and no one else. Maybe down the road, after I’d settled things with my ex-husband, I could muster up the courage and energy to write Grandpa Pat and his wife a letter explaining why I’d done what I’d done, but I was nowhere near that yet. It might seem selfish or bitchy not coughing up explanations for everyone right away, but I did have my reasons for it.
    You see, I didn’t suffer from depression every moment of every day of the year. There were certain things, such as facing bad memories or too much stress, that could trigger the depression. Once a depression cycle started, though, it was almost impossible to pull myself out of it on my own. There was no ‘running the course’ with depression the way one did with a cold. No, once that chemical imbalance started in my body, nothing short of medication could balance me out again.
    As a result, not talking to the rest of the Sullivans was me cowardly avoiding a situation that I worried might trigger a serious depression cycle. Because, after I gave them my apologies and the ‘why’s’ they were looking for, they would want to talk about him .
    I still had a hard time talking about him .
    My little boy.
    Moreover, as if talking about my little boy wasn’t hard enough, that subject always brought me back to another heartbreaking topic.
    I couldn’t have any more children.
    The accident had scarred me so badly inside and out that I’d never be able to carry another child. Therefore, in essence, everything I’d wanted in life had been ripped away from me the day of the accident. My little boy, my future chance of other children, and my temporary sanity, which eventually led to the loss of my husband because I’d pushed him away.
    “You ran out on him again last night. Do you know what that did to him, Kara? Do you know that he damn near tore that entire club apart looking for you? He almost got into a physical altercation with the Regulators’ Club President, Vice President, and Sergeant At Arms because they wouldn’t give him your contact information.”
    God, I bet Ice was ready to strangle me by now. And what had I done to poor Riley? But wait? What had Declan just said?
    Raising my head, I glared at Declan. “If they didn’t give you the information, then how did you know to come here?”
    Raising his hand, Declan tapped his fingers a few times against his lips as he narrowed his eyes at me, analyzing me. God, I hated when he did that! It was like he was seeing through flesh and bone into your soul. Into the very heart of a person. It was one of the reason’s Declan had excelled as an interrogator for the Navy.
    Dropping his hand back to his crossed arms, he murmured, “Let’s just say that our new job comes with considerable perks, such as an intelligence officer whose sole job is to give me whatever information I request, no questions asked.”
    Whoa. What the hell were Riley and Declan knee deep in now?
    He didn’t give me a chance to ask.
    “Ice assured Riley