around
my shoulder, his body warm beneath my hands. Our mingled scents rose from the
sheets, warm and sensual.
“What,
darling?” His fingers lazily stroked my hair, brushing damp tangles away from
my forehead.
“What
is this we have? Where do you see this going?” I knew I was playing with a
different kind of fire. But I knew it was Saturday; images of Jake had risen
unbidden in my mind.
Lying
in Chase’s arms, I felt torn and I didn’t like the feeling. My mind was looking
for the logical, the facts of the matter. How did Chase feel? Was I deluding
myself, again, that he might love me? God knows you’re capable of making
things up, Abby.
His
fingers hesitated, briefly tensing against my hair. Then they resumed their
lazy movement.
“You’re
looking for something I don’t think I can give you, Abby. I told you, the only
filly who has my heart right now is Celeste. You’re a close second.”
He
shifted, rolling me on my back, propping himself on one elbow. The look in his
eyes was serious, but soft, distant memories clouding his gaze. If they were
storm clouds, I couldn’t tell.
“There’ve
been very few women I could say I loved. I’ve liked a hell of a lot of them,
some quite a bit. But the one who I loved the best, didn’t love me back. Or
didn’t love me enough, maybe. Hard to know. She’s not around anymore to ask.”
Chase
rolled on his back, one arm flung across his eyes. I leaned over, watching his
face as best I could in the shadows.
“There
are memories from my past that I’m not ready to face, even with you. You asked
me once if I hid behind whips and chains and you were more right than I wanted
to admit. I hide at the ranch. I can be busy there, wear myself out riding
horses, breaking them, taking care of them. It keeps me from spending too much
time in the past.”
Chase
turned to me. In the dim light I thought I saw the glimmer of tears in his
eyes. But I didn’t touch him, didn’t think that’s what he wanted.
“When
I asked you to come to the ranch, to stay there, I mean, it was that for the
first time, I was able to relax, not constantly try to work myself to
exhaustion so I would be so tired I couldn’t think.”
I did
reach out a finger, tracing the contours of his cheek. I felt the dampness of a
spilled tear. And in that moment, my heart went out to him.
“I
love you, Chase, even if you’re not ready to say the words to me.” The
words escaped from my lips without thought and I couldn’t take them back though
to my surprise I really didn’t want to. The usual panic that followed closely
behind those passionate words was missing and instead I felt relaxed,
confident, certain.
When
he pulled me close, I felt a ragged sigh escape his lips.
“Abby…
You’re as close to hearing those words from me as anyone, in a long time. But
not just yet. I can’t.”
“That’s
okay,” I replied with a smile and I meant it. The warmth in his eyes, the heat
in his gentle touch – it was enough for me. At least for now.
We
lay in each other’s arms, the fading night replaced by the brightening dawn.
But it was a long time before either of us fell asleep.
***
I
desperately needed a shower and really wanted a nap, but had time for only one
and a shower was a requirement before a session. Jake was expecting me late
Saturday afternoon and as tired as I was, I didn’t want to cancel.
My
night with Chase had confused me deeply. In the cold light of day, I wasn’t
sure what my declaration of love to Chase really meant. Was it the intensity of
his emotions that triggered a spontaneous outpouring from me? Did I just feel
sorry for him and had that confused with love? Or did I really love him?
I
didn’t know and couldn’t think about it now. As confused and swirling as my
emotions were, I was looking forward to my session with Jake. I missed my role
as his submissive, the mental energy it took, and the emotional and physical
rewards I got from his
my shoulder, his body warm beneath my hands. Our mingled scents rose from the
sheets, warm and sensual.
“What,
darling?” His fingers lazily stroked my hair, brushing damp tangles away from
my forehead.
“What
is this we have? Where do you see this going?” I knew I was playing with a
different kind of fire. But I knew it was Saturday; images of Jake had risen
unbidden in my mind.
Lying
in Chase’s arms, I felt torn and I didn’t like the feeling. My mind was looking
for the logical, the facts of the matter. How did Chase feel? Was I deluding
myself, again, that he might love me? God knows you’re capable of making
things up, Abby.
His
fingers hesitated, briefly tensing against my hair. Then they resumed their
lazy movement.
“You’re
looking for something I don’t think I can give you, Abby. I told you, the only
filly who has my heart right now is Celeste. You’re a close second.”
He
shifted, rolling me on my back, propping himself on one elbow. The look in his
eyes was serious, but soft, distant memories clouding his gaze. If they were
storm clouds, I couldn’t tell.
“There’ve
been very few women I could say I loved. I’ve liked a hell of a lot of them,
some quite a bit. But the one who I loved the best, didn’t love me back. Or
didn’t love me enough, maybe. Hard to know. She’s not around anymore to ask.”
Chase
rolled on his back, one arm flung across his eyes. I leaned over, watching his
face as best I could in the shadows.
“There
are memories from my past that I’m not ready to face, even with you. You asked
me once if I hid behind whips and chains and you were more right than I wanted
to admit. I hide at the ranch. I can be busy there, wear myself out riding
horses, breaking them, taking care of them. It keeps me from spending too much
time in the past.”
Chase
turned to me. In the dim light I thought I saw the glimmer of tears in his
eyes. But I didn’t touch him, didn’t think that’s what he wanted.
“When
I asked you to come to the ranch, to stay there, I mean, it was that for the
first time, I was able to relax, not constantly try to work myself to
exhaustion so I would be so tired I couldn’t think.”
I did
reach out a finger, tracing the contours of his cheek. I felt the dampness of a
spilled tear. And in that moment, my heart went out to him.
“I
love you, Chase, even if you’re not ready to say the words to me.” The
words escaped from my lips without thought and I couldn’t take them back though
to my surprise I really didn’t want to. The usual panic that followed closely
behind those passionate words was missing and instead I felt relaxed,
confident, certain.
When
he pulled me close, I felt a ragged sigh escape his lips.
“Abby…
You’re as close to hearing those words from me as anyone, in a long time. But
not just yet. I can’t.”
“That’s
okay,” I replied with a smile and I meant it. The warmth in his eyes, the heat
in his gentle touch – it was enough for me. At least for now.
We
lay in each other’s arms, the fading night replaced by the brightening dawn.
But it was a long time before either of us fell asleep.
***
I
desperately needed a shower and really wanted a nap, but had time for only one
and a shower was a requirement before a session. Jake was expecting me late
Saturday afternoon and as tired as I was, I didn’t want to cancel.
My
night with Chase had confused me deeply. In the cold light of day, I wasn’t
sure what my declaration of love to Chase really meant. Was it the intensity of
his emotions that triggered a spontaneous outpouring from me? Did I just feel
sorry for him and had that confused with love? Or did I really love him?
I
didn’t know and couldn’t think about it now. As confused and swirling as my
emotions were, I was looking forward to my session with Jake. I missed my role
as his submissive, the mental energy it took, and the emotional and physical
rewards I got from his
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