it’s his family name, the Sexypants clan,” I say sarcastically to hide my embarrassment.
“Is this a new boyfriend?”
“Yes.” Don’t give me that look mom; that I’m-so-concerned-you-are-moving-too-fast, but I’m trying to hide it look.
“Is it serious?”
“Yeah, it is. I wasn’t expecting something serious so quickly after Rick, but he’s amazing mom. He’s everything -- gorgeous, funny, smart, caring, attentive…” What am I doing? I am supposed to play it cool, but I want her to love him as much as I do and even more than she loved Rick.
“So were you going to tell me about him or were you going to wait for me to ask as usual?”
“I would have had I not been comatose these past couple of days. His name is Taylor.”
“Taylor? Where’d you meet?”
“A coffee shop. I spilled coffee on him, just like a cheesy rom-com.”
“What does Taylor do?”
“Have you heard of Holden Industries?”
“Holden Industries? Yes, I have.”
“He’s the CEO.”
“The CEO?” My mother sits back a little bit. Her facial expression goes blank for a moment. I wasn’t expecting her to tap dance, but still, her mood change catches me off guard.
“Yeah mom.”
“Is his last name Holden?”
“Yup.”
“Oh. Well, that’s nice.”
“Something wrong, mom?”
“Honey, I wasn’t going to say anything, because I know you don’t like to talk about it, but I just can’t ignore it. When I was changing your clothes…” Shit, she saw the cuts. Fuckfuckfuck. “Your arms, and the bruises. What’s going on?”
I try to think of any story that could possibly cover all of it, but there is nothing. If I tell her Eric attacked me, she will lose it, I mean lose her fucking mind. “Mom…I’m fine. The bruises were from a minor car accident. A fender bender. Some idiot behind me was texting.” I am such a piece of shit liar. “I meant to tell you about it, but well, then I got sick.”
“Wow, you had lots to tell me. And the cuts?”
“That’s why I wanted to visit, to catch up in person. The cuts? They…they are what they are, but I am fine. I swear mom. It was the first time in so many years.”
“But why?”
I remain silent.
“Is it your new boyfriend? Is he hurting you?”
“No! No, mom. It’s not Taylor. It’s not anyone. It’s just me and I have dealt with it.”
“I can’t just take that for an answer.”
“Yes you can. I am an adult now mom. I’ll be fine. I am actually happy, I feel more alive than I have in a long time. A lot of that has to do with Taylor. You’ll just never understand why I do it. I know it looks horrifying to you, but I’m not trying to hurt myself.”
Her eyes shift around, as if she has a million thoughts running through her head and is desperately trying to contain them. She then abruptly stands up and marches to the bathroom. After a few seconds I follow her. “Mom? Is everything okay in there?” I ask through the door.
“Yes , I think I am feeling a little out of it. Hopefully, I didn’t catch anything from you.”
“Oh no! I would feel so bad.” I expected more of a fight, but her running off like this - seeking refuge in the bathroom - is uncharacteristic of her. She usually pushes and pushes and pushes. It’s why I find myself avoiding her sometimes.
The doorbell rings and I retrieve the takeout. She emerges silently from the bathroom with a defeated smile on her face and we enjoy Paranormal Activity 2 in her dark apartment. The movie allows us to move on from the tension of our previous conversation. Normally, I don’t get frazzled by even the scariest of movies, but I wonder with my newly developed edgy nerves, if a horror movie was a good idea. Once it’s is over, I look to her, find she is asleep on the couch, and cover her with a throw. As I silently tip toe away, she faintly calls my name.
“Yes?”
“You should really think about what you’re doing. This Taylor guy may seem exciting, but all new shiny things do. You
“Is this a new boyfriend?”
“Yes.” Don’t give me that look mom; that I’m-so-concerned-you-are-moving-too-fast, but I’m trying to hide it look.
“Is it serious?”
“Yeah, it is. I wasn’t expecting something serious so quickly after Rick, but he’s amazing mom. He’s everything -- gorgeous, funny, smart, caring, attentive…” What am I doing? I am supposed to play it cool, but I want her to love him as much as I do and even more than she loved Rick.
“So were you going to tell me about him or were you going to wait for me to ask as usual?”
“I would have had I not been comatose these past couple of days. His name is Taylor.”
“Taylor? Where’d you meet?”
“A coffee shop. I spilled coffee on him, just like a cheesy rom-com.”
“What does Taylor do?”
“Have you heard of Holden Industries?”
“Holden Industries? Yes, I have.”
“He’s the CEO.”
“The CEO?” My mother sits back a little bit. Her facial expression goes blank for a moment. I wasn’t expecting her to tap dance, but still, her mood change catches me off guard.
“Yeah mom.”
“Is his last name Holden?”
“Yup.”
“Oh. Well, that’s nice.”
“Something wrong, mom?”
“Honey, I wasn’t going to say anything, because I know you don’t like to talk about it, but I just can’t ignore it. When I was changing your clothes…” Shit, she saw the cuts. Fuckfuckfuck. “Your arms, and the bruises. What’s going on?”
I try to think of any story that could possibly cover all of it, but there is nothing. If I tell her Eric attacked me, she will lose it, I mean lose her fucking mind. “Mom…I’m fine. The bruises were from a minor car accident. A fender bender. Some idiot behind me was texting.” I am such a piece of shit liar. “I meant to tell you about it, but well, then I got sick.”
“Wow, you had lots to tell me. And the cuts?”
“That’s why I wanted to visit, to catch up in person. The cuts? They…they are what they are, but I am fine. I swear mom. It was the first time in so many years.”
“But why?”
I remain silent.
“Is it your new boyfriend? Is he hurting you?”
“No! No, mom. It’s not Taylor. It’s not anyone. It’s just me and I have dealt with it.”
“I can’t just take that for an answer.”
“Yes you can. I am an adult now mom. I’ll be fine. I am actually happy, I feel more alive than I have in a long time. A lot of that has to do with Taylor. You’ll just never understand why I do it. I know it looks horrifying to you, but I’m not trying to hurt myself.”
Her eyes shift around, as if she has a million thoughts running through her head and is desperately trying to contain them. She then abruptly stands up and marches to the bathroom. After a few seconds I follow her. “Mom? Is everything okay in there?” I ask through the door.
“Yes , I think I am feeling a little out of it. Hopefully, I didn’t catch anything from you.”
“Oh no! I would feel so bad.” I expected more of a fight, but her running off like this - seeking refuge in the bathroom - is uncharacteristic of her. She usually pushes and pushes and pushes. It’s why I find myself avoiding her sometimes.
The doorbell rings and I retrieve the takeout. She emerges silently from the bathroom with a defeated smile on her face and we enjoy Paranormal Activity 2 in her dark apartment. The movie allows us to move on from the tension of our previous conversation. Normally, I don’t get frazzled by even the scariest of movies, but I wonder with my newly developed edgy nerves, if a horror movie was a good idea. Once it’s is over, I look to her, find she is asleep on the couch, and cover her with a throw. As I silently tip toe away, she faintly calls my name.
“Yes?”
“You should really think about what you’re doing. This Taylor guy may seem exciting, but all new shiny things do. You
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