Stop Pissing Me Off What to Do When the People You Work with Drive You Crazy by Lynne Eisaguirre Page A
Authors: Lynne Eisaguirre
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in the outside counsel to convince the EVP, and even then the EVP agreed to the exam grudgingly, since he himself had worked his way up
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stop Pissing Me Off!
through the ranks to his current position, knew “Scotty,” and found him harmless.
A psychologist who specializes in threat evaluations found that Scotty was indeed dangerously depressed, potentially prone to violence, and “unfit for duty.” He was placed on medical leave. I’ve mediated many such cases in my years as an employment attorney. Often, they don’t have easy resolutions—for the “difficult” employee or the colleagues and managers who have to deal with him. However, understanding and compassion do help. Consider the fact that the difficult person in your work group may not be just difficult, but very ill.
the structure of Brain-Based illness
Part of the problem we have is that we’re hovering on the cutting edge of a virtual revolution in brain science. Neurologists have learned more about the brain in the past ten years than in the previous hundred! Yet, most of us are still stuck in a time warp. We live in a culture that largely believes that behavior is a matter of choice and/or good therapy. However, thanks to the latest research in brain science, there is increasing acknowledgment in the scientific community that some people are just born with personalities that are challenging to the norm. What an increasing number of neuropsychologists and psychiatrists will tell you is that in effect, people really are hardwired, and that hardwiring will not be tamed or controlled by any software we might use. To a certain extent, people really can’t help being the way they are.
This doesn’t mean that you should put up with abuse or incompetence in the workplace. However, you need to realize that most of what we think of as annoying is not likely to
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05. Are They Doing It Just to Piss You Off?
change, nor is it the result of any particular individual resisting change. So, to at least some extent, our task is to (1) increase our understanding of why people are they way they are, (2) decrease our own stress level so we’re not so reactive to others’ flaws, and (3) increase our tolerance of others’ differences and annoying eccentricities.
Repeat this mantra often: I can’t change what I can’t change!
no Brain, no gain: knowledge is power
We live in an exciting and wonderful time for understanding how the brain works and how it affects mood and attention. My own experience is that many of the things our coworkers do that we can’t stand are caused by either mood or attention problems. In addition, our own reactivity to these problems may also be caused by our own mood or attention problems. While there are many excellent resources for learning more about this in Appendix A of this book, I will present a vastly oversimplified version of these issues here.
A simple way of thinking about the brain is that it is roughly divided into thirds in terms of function. The feeling part of the brain, or limbic system, is the seat of emotional balance, mood relationship, intimacy, spiritual connection, and all the pleasure drives (or overdrives). The thinking part of the brain, the pre-frontal cortex, is the seat of knowledge, insight, planning, and decision-making, while the brain stem or reptilian brain orchestrates bodily processes.
Neuropsychologists have referred to the pre-frontal cortex of the brain as being akin to a conductor of an orchestra. It is also referred to as “executive function.” People who have
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stop Pissing Me Off!
attention and focus problems are said to have executive function problems. These people could possibly have Attention Deficit Disorders (ADD), although many other things can also affect executive function. Many people who may not meet the clinical definition for ADD do have executive function problems, or low levels of executive
| 73 |
stop Pissing Me Off!
through the ranks to his current position, knew “Scotty,” and found him harmless.
A psychologist who specializes in threat evaluations found that Scotty was indeed dangerously depressed, potentially prone to violence, and “unfit for duty.” He was placed on medical leave. I’ve mediated many such cases in my years as an employment attorney. Often, they don’t have easy resolutions—for the “difficult” employee or the colleagues and managers who have to deal with him. However, understanding and compassion do help. Consider the fact that the difficult person in your work group may not be just difficult, but very ill.
the structure of Brain-Based illness
Part of the problem we have is that we’re hovering on the cutting edge of a virtual revolution in brain science. Neurologists have learned more about the brain in the past ten years than in the previous hundred! Yet, most of us are still stuck in a time warp. We live in a culture that largely believes that behavior is a matter of choice and/or good therapy. However, thanks to the latest research in brain science, there is increasing acknowledgment in the scientific community that some people are just born with personalities that are challenging to the norm. What an increasing number of neuropsychologists and psychiatrists will tell you is that in effect, people really are hardwired, and that hardwiring will not be tamed or controlled by any software we might use. To a certain extent, people really can’t help being the way they are.
This doesn’t mean that you should put up with abuse or incompetence in the workplace. However, you need to realize that most of what we think of as annoying is not likely to
| 74 |
05. Are They Doing It Just to Piss You Off?
change, nor is it the result of any particular individual resisting change. So, to at least some extent, our task is to (1) increase our understanding of why people are they way they are, (2) decrease our own stress level so we’re not so reactive to others’ flaws, and (3) increase our tolerance of others’ differences and annoying eccentricities.
Repeat this mantra often: I can’t change what I can’t change!
no Brain, no gain: knowledge is power
We live in an exciting and wonderful time for understanding how the brain works and how it affects mood and attention. My own experience is that many of the things our coworkers do that we can’t stand are caused by either mood or attention problems. In addition, our own reactivity to these problems may also be caused by our own mood or attention problems. While there are many excellent resources for learning more about this in Appendix A of this book, I will present a vastly oversimplified version of these issues here.
A simple way of thinking about the brain is that it is roughly divided into thirds in terms of function. The feeling part of the brain, or limbic system, is the seat of emotional balance, mood relationship, intimacy, spiritual connection, and all the pleasure drives (or overdrives). The thinking part of the brain, the pre-frontal cortex, is the seat of knowledge, insight, planning, and decision-making, while the brain stem or reptilian brain orchestrates bodily processes.
Neuropsychologists have referred to the pre-frontal cortex of the brain as being akin to a conductor of an orchestra. It is also referred to as “executive function.” People who have
| 75 |
stop Pissing Me Off!
attention and focus problems are said to have executive function problems. These people could possibly have Attention Deficit Disorders (ADD), although many other things can also affect executive function. Many people who may not meet the clinical definition for ADD do have executive function problems, or low levels of executive
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