things now, even if it is too late.”
He paused, then continued gently. “What I said earlier tonight about Christopher was true, so it bears repeating: that’s a nice boy you’ve got there, Jenna.” She stiffened slightly. “I don’t want to make you self-conscious,” he added hurriedly. “I just wanted say that I think — I think we have a fine son.”
Her heart gave a little flutter at the word “we.” She steeled herself to be firm. She had to define her position now, for everyone’s sake. “Thank you,” she said. “But in my heart, Christopher is Bud’s child. Frank will be his stepfather, and he’ll be a good one.”
Adam nodded slowly. “I understand. But that doesn’t make things any easier for me.”
“I know.” The silence between them grew, full of words that she couldn’t say. “Adam….”
He shifted slightly. “You know, I’m feeling kind of restless. I think I’ll take a walk before heading back to bed.”
Before she knew it, he had brushed by her and was walking down the steps. But at the bottom of the stairs, he turned and held out his hand.
“Care to join me?”
C HAPTER T HIRTEEN
“ Y OU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO regrets the things that were said the other day.” Jenna spoke softly for fear that her words would carry on the night air. She and Adam had reached the end of the drive and were turning right to walk down Lee Street. Jenna wasn’t altogether sure she should be taking this walk, but Adam was right: they needed to clear the air.
Crickets sang shrilly in the tall, sweet-smelling grass that grew along the railroad tracks. Beneath the leafy trees, the street was shadowed, making it hard to see where they were going. But Adam walked through the dark with confidence, and she tried to match his self-assurance step for step as she continued speaking. “I shudder when I think of the way I went after you. It was just the surprise of seeing you that did it. It caught me off-guard.”
“I know. I wish Kitty had told you that I was coming. Otherwise I would have called you myself.”
“It’s not Kitty’s fault. It’s mine.”
Adam stopped walking. “How do you figure that?”
“I should have answered your letters.” Jenna twisted her hands together. “I don’t know if I could have told you the truth about Christopher — I’m not that brave — but I should have at least had the nerve to tell you that I was engaged. After our night together, you had every right to expect me to wait for you.”
The silence stretched again. Jenna couldn’t make out Adam’s features, but she could sense him waiting, thinking. At last he started forward again, and she kept pace. “I don’t have any right to expect anything from you,” he said at length. “And you’re braver than you give yourself credit for.”
In spite of herself, Jenna found herself warming at Adam’s words of praise. She bit her lip and mentally shored up her earlier resolution: she had to define her position, to herself as well as Adam.
She said the first thing that came to mind. “How’s your Latin?”
Adam laughed. “What?”
“When I was younger, I used to sometimes get confused between the words ‘fidelity’ and ‘integrity.’ But then Lucien explained to me that ‘fidelity’ comes from Latin word fidelitas , which means faithful. And ‘integrity’ comes from the Latin word integritas , which means whole. That’s when I finally understood that in order to have integrity, one must maintain wholeness, the fullness of self. Do you know what I mean?”
“Not entirely,” Adam confessed.
A flush of frustration shot through her. She had never been any good at explaining herself. “I mean that life has many parts to it, and integrity is all about seeing how those parts of life fit together, and then maintaining it as a whole.” She heard the words come out of her mouth, and she knew she was making a garbled mess out of her metaphor. “Does that make any sense?”
“You’re
He paused, then continued gently. “What I said earlier tonight about Christopher was true, so it bears repeating: that’s a nice boy you’ve got there, Jenna.” She stiffened slightly. “I don’t want to make you self-conscious,” he added hurriedly. “I just wanted say that I think — I think we have a fine son.”
Her heart gave a little flutter at the word “we.” She steeled herself to be firm. She had to define her position now, for everyone’s sake. “Thank you,” she said. “But in my heart, Christopher is Bud’s child. Frank will be his stepfather, and he’ll be a good one.”
Adam nodded slowly. “I understand. But that doesn’t make things any easier for me.”
“I know.” The silence between them grew, full of words that she couldn’t say. “Adam….”
He shifted slightly. “You know, I’m feeling kind of restless. I think I’ll take a walk before heading back to bed.”
Before she knew it, he had brushed by her and was walking down the steps. But at the bottom of the stairs, he turned and held out his hand.
“Care to join me?”
C HAPTER T HIRTEEN
“ Y OU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO regrets the things that were said the other day.” Jenna spoke softly for fear that her words would carry on the night air. She and Adam had reached the end of the drive and were turning right to walk down Lee Street. Jenna wasn’t altogether sure she should be taking this walk, but Adam was right: they needed to clear the air.
Crickets sang shrilly in the tall, sweet-smelling grass that grew along the railroad tracks. Beneath the leafy trees, the street was shadowed, making it hard to see where they were going. But Adam walked through the dark with confidence, and she tried to match his self-assurance step for step as she continued speaking. “I shudder when I think of the way I went after you. It was just the surprise of seeing you that did it. It caught me off-guard.”
“I know. I wish Kitty had told you that I was coming. Otherwise I would have called you myself.”
“It’s not Kitty’s fault. It’s mine.”
Adam stopped walking. “How do you figure that?”
“I should have answered your letters.” Jenna twisted her hands together. “I don’t know if I could have told you the truth about Christopher — I’m not that brave — but I should have at least had the nerve to tell you that I was engaged. After our night together, you had every right to expect me to wait for you.”
The silence stretched again. Jenna couldn’t make out Adam’s features, but she could sense him waiting, thinking. At last he started forward again, and she kept pace. “I don’t have any right to expect anything from you,” he said at length. “And you’re braver than you give yourself credit for.”
In spite of herself, Jenna found herself warming at Adam’s words of praise. She bit her lip and mentally shored up her earlier resolution: she had to define her position, to herself as well as Adam.
She said the first thing that came to mind. “How’s your Latin?”
Adam laughed. “What?”
“When I was younger, I used to sometimes get confused between the words ‘fidelity’ and ‘integrity.’ But then Lucien explained to me that ‘fidelity’ comes from Latin word fidelitas , which means faithful. And ‘integrity’ comes from the Latin word integritas , which means whole. That’s when I finally understood that in order to have integrity, one must maintain wholeness, the fullness of self. Do you know what I mean?”
“Not entirely,” Adam confessed.
A flush of frustration shot through her. She had never been any good at explaining herself. “I mean that life has many parts to it, and integrity is all about seeing how those parts of life fit together, and then maintaining it as a whole.” She heard the words come out of her mouth, and she knew she was making a garbled mess out of her metaphor. “Does that make any sense?”
“You’re
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