either moving too fast or getting too serious or that she’s got all this other shit she needs to be doing.”
“You know, I think you’re right.” I finish the last of my beer and then set the bottle down in the grass next to the chair. I don’t want to start talking about Emma right now, even to Kate, because I’m afraid that if I do, I won’t stop, but she’s exactly right. When Emma and I are together, everything is perfectly wonderful. It’s when we’re not together that she starts questioning everything. “What is the solution, though? It’s not like you can be with someone twenty-four hours a day. And you shouldn’t have to be.”
“Oh god no.” Kate laughs. “If we were together for that long, it would probably be pretty awful! But it’s still frustrating. So . . . I’d just like to have a good time tonight and tomorrow maybe get a little tipsy, and celebrate some people who are really in love!” She holds her beer bottle up and I pick up my empty, and we click them together.
“To people who are really in love,” I say.
I wake up the morning of the wedding feeling hungover, even though I didn’t drink anything the night before. I have the beginnings of a headache, this cloud that seems to be hovering somewhere behind my eyes, and my body aches and everything just feels blurred and unappealing. I lie there in bed, listening to the birds outside the window, the chatter and bustle of people downstairs. I lie there knowing that Jai is in the next room over, and that he very could be in there thinking about me, probably still pissed off, probably still not understanding why I feel the way I do.
But then again, even I don’t totally understand and it’s the most frustrating thing in the world. Because I want to explain it to him, I want him to know where I’m coming from, except even I’m not sure.
I roll over onto my side. I should be getting up. I should be getting up and seeing what sort of help my mother needs, what she wants me to do, even if it’s just to calm her nerves, but I can’t move just yet. I keep thinking about Jai, about the way he stormed out of here last night, how enraged he looked. I knew he wasn’t going to be happy to hear what I had to say, but I hadn’t expected that turbulent of a reaction. There is a part of me that just wants to stay in this bed until the whole wedding is over and everyone goes back to their regular lives. I want to see Jai but I don’t; I don’t want things to be terrible between us, I don’t want to feel like he hates me.
Finally, I force myself up. The door to the bathroom is shut, but instead of knocking to see if anyone’s in there, I just go to the one next to my sister’s room down the hallway. She’s standing there in front of the sink, the door halfway open, brushing her teeth.
“Hey, Em,” she says through a mouthful of toothpaste. She leans over the sink and spits. “You ready to have a wedding?”
I stifle a yawn and push the door shut behind me. “You know, I think I am. Is Mom freaking out?”
“Not too bad yet. Give her another hour or so. Hey.” She puts her toothbrush into the ceramic holder and leans toward me. “What do you think of that girl? Kate?”
“Who?”
I turn the cold water on and splash it over my face.
“Kate. Jai’s date. She got here last night. Mom was saying that she’s like a stunt double in movies.”
Something clenches in my chest when she says this, but I try to play it off like it’s the shock of the cold water. “I didn’t realize he had a date.”
Jess laughs. “Of course a guy like that is going to have a date—he’s probably going to have several dates. But this girl—she’s gorgeous. She does look kind of familiar, actually. They’d have really gorgeous babies.”
“We should really be focusing on Mom,” I say, trying to keep the tightness out of my voice, trying to keep my expression neutral. But there’s this awful current running through me,
“You know, I think you’re right.” I finish the last of my beer and then set the bottle down in the grass next to the chair. I don’t want to start talking about Emma right now, even to Kate, because I’m afraid that if I do, I won’t stop, but she’s exactly right. When Emma and I are together, everything is perfectly wonderful. It’s when we’re not together that she starts questioning everything. “What is the solution, though? It’s not like you can be with someone twenty-four hours a day. And you shouldn’t have to be.”
“Oh god no.” Kate laughs. “If we were together for that long, it would probably be pretty awful! But it’s still frustrating. So . . . I’d just like to have a good time tonight and tomorrow maybe get a little tipsy, and celebrate some people who are really in love!” She holds her beer bottle up and I pick up my empty, and we click them together.
“To people who are really in love,” I say.
I wake up the morning of the wedding feeling hungover, even though I didn’t drink anything the night before. I have the beginnings of a headache, this cloud that seems to be hovering somewhere behind my eyes, and my body aches and everything just feels blurred and unappealing. I lie there in bed, listening to the birds outside the window, the chatter and bustle of people downstairs. I lie there knowing that Jai is in the next room over, and that he very could be in there thinking about me, probably still pissed off, probably still not understanding why I feel the way I do.
But then again, even I don’t totally understand and it’s the most frustrating thing in the world. Because I want to explain it to him, I want him to know where I’m coming from, except even I’m not sure.
I roll over onto my side. I should be getting up. I should be getting up and seeing what sort of help my mother needs, what she wants me to do, even if it’s just to calm her nerves, but I can’t move just yet. I keep thinking about Jai, about the way he stormed out of here last night, how enraged he looked. I knew he wasn’t going to be happy to hear what I had to say, but I hadn’t expected that turbulent of a reaction. There is a part of me that just wants to stay in this bed until the whole wedding is over and everyone goes back to their regular lives. I want to see Jai but I don’t; I don’t want things to be terrible between us, I don’t want to feel like he hates me.
Finally, I force myself up. The door to the bathroom is shut, but instead of knocking to see if anyone’s in there, I just go to the one next to my sister’s room down the hallway. She’s standing there in front of the sink, the door halfway open, brushing her teeth.
“Hey, Em,” she says through a mouthful of toothpaste. She leans over the sink and spits. “You ready to have a wedding?”
I stifle a yawn and push the door shut behind me. “You know, I think I am. Is Mom freaking out?”
“Not too bad yet. Give her another hour or so. Hey.” She puts her toothbrush into the ceramic holder and leans toward me. “What do you think of that girl? Kate?”
“Who?”
I turn the cold water on and splash it over my face.
“Kate. Jai’s date. She got here last night. Mom was saying that she’s like a stunt double in movies.”
Something clenches in my chest when she says this, but I try to play it off like it’s the shock of the cold water. “I didn’t realize he had a date.”
Jess laughs. “Of course a guy like that is going to have a date—he’s probably going to have several dates. But this girl—she’s gorgeous. She does look kind of familiar, actually. They’d have really gorgeous babies.”
“We should really be focusing on Mom,” I say, trying to keep the tightness out of my voice, trying to keep my expression neutral. But there’s this awful current running through me,
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