are having sex with the same third party, one can speculate that they are trying in fact to access each other," Dix said.
"Through an intermediary," Jesse said.
"Yes."
"You think that's what's going on here."
"Not exactly," Dix said. "They might both be trying to access the father through a surrogate."
"And married the surrogates that seemed most like Dad?" Jesse said.
"Maybe," Dix said.
"Why together?" Jesse said.
"They are almost each other," Dix said. "They may experience life as each other. It may alleviate guilt to be with each other. Perhaps it also cements their each-otherness."
"What about Ognowski?"
"Maybe Molly's right," Dix said. "Maybe Knocko was too repellent for one . . . or, for that matter, for both. In any case, it doesn't change anything. The pathology seems firmly established, and if the usual way didn't work, it would find another."
"But we don't know if any of this is true," Jesse said.
"No," Dix said. "It's an educated hypothesis which explains the data we have."
"It's a guess," Jesse said.
"Exactly," Dix said.
"And even if it's accurate," Jesse said, "what good does it do me?"
"Not my department," Dix said.
"Better to know than not to know, I suppose."
"Of course, we don't actually know anything," Dix said.
"It's an educated hypothesis which explains the data we have," Jesse said.
"Well said."
"But it still doesn't explain two murders," Jesse said.
"No," Dix said. "It doesn't. But it might help define the area of speculation."
"Man," Jesse said. "Sometimes you talk just like a shrink."
"There's probably a reason for that," Dix said.
"Where do I go from here?" Jesse said.
"I don't know," Dix said.
"You're supposed to know."
Dix smiled.
"I never promised you a rose garden," he said.
"No one seems to," Jesse said.
They were silent for a moment.
Then Dix said, "We have some time left."
Jesse nodded.
"Why was I so taken with them?" he said.
"The twins," Dix said.
"Yeah. I was so envious of them that I went on a bender," Jesse said.
"And why was it you were so envious?" Dix said.
Jesse said, "Why wouldn't I be?"
Dix moved his shoulders in something that might have been a shrug.
"Everybody wants to be loved," Jesse said.
"Love manifests," Dix said, "in many ways."
"Wow," Jesse said. "That's a real shrink phrase."
"Feeling some anger?" Dix said. "At me?"
Jesse shrugged.
"Why do you suppose you're angry?" Dix said.
Jesse took in a deep breath and let it out in slow exasperation.
"Because you're leading me to face something I don't want to face," he said.
Dix said nothing.
"They were both so submissive," Jesse said. "So . . ." He made a circular motion with his hand as he searched for the word.
"Self-abnegating?" Dix said.
"Hoo-ha!" Jesse said. "Self-abnegating."
"You know what it means," Dix said.
Jesse nodded.
"And you're right," he said. "I loved how self-abnegating they were."
"So, if they put themselves aside . . . ?" Dix said.
"Then they totally belonged to the husband," Jesse said.
Dix waited. He leaned back a little farther. His elbows were on the arms of his chair. His hands were folded in front of him. He rubbed the balls of his thumbs lightly together.
"What woman would want that?" Jesse said.
Dix waited.
"What man would want a woman to be like that?" Jesse said.
Dix waited.
"I don't like women like that," Jesse said.
Dix moved his head slightly. It might have been a nod.
"A woman like that couldn't leave me," Jesse said.
Dix nodded.
"Jesus," Jesse said. "I was asking Jenn to do things she couldn't do, and shouldn't."
"Probably," Dix said.
"And then I blamed her when she cheated."
"Tough place for Jenn to be," Dix said.
"Why the hell am I like that?" Jesse said.
Dix looked at his watch.
"Don't know," he said. "Maybe we'll find out. Maybe we'll never know. But perhaps you won't make the same mistake again."
Jesse nodded. When he left the office, he felt a little dizzy. And his head felt overused.
40
W HAT'S THAT EASEL ?" Cheryl
"Through an intermediary," Jesse said.
"Yes."
"You think that's what's going on here."
"Not exactly," Dix said. "They might both be trying to access the father through a surrogate."
"And married the surrogates that seemed most like Dad?" Jesse said.
"Maybe," Dix said.
"Why together?" Jesse said.
"They are almost each other," Dix said. "They may experience life as each other. It may alleviate guilt to be with each other. Perhaps it also cements their each-otherness."
"What about Ognowski?"
"Maybe Molly's right," Dix said. "Maybe Knocko was too repellent for one . . . or, for that matter, for both. In any case, it doesn't change anything. The pathology seems firmly established, and if the usual way didn't work, it would find another."
"But we don't know if any of this is true," Jesse said.
"No," Dix said. "It's an educated hypothesis which explains the data we have."
"It's a guess," Jesse said.
"Exactly," Dix said.
"And even if it's accurate," Jesse said, "what good does it do me?"
"Not my department," Dix said.
"Better to know than not to know, I suppose."
"Of course, we don't actually know anything," Dix said.
"It's an educated hypothesis which explains the data we have," Jesse said.
"Well said."
"But it still doesn't explain two murders," Jesse said.
"No," Dix said. "It doesn't. But it might help define the area of speculation."
"Man," Jesse said. "Sometimes you talk just like a shrink."
"There's probably a reason for that," Dix said.
"Where do I go from here?" Jesse said.
"I don't know," Dix said.
"You're supposed to know."
Dix smiled.
"I never promised you a rose garden," he said.
"No one seems to," Jesse said.
They were silent for a moment.
Then Dix said, "We have some time left."
Jesse nodded.
"Why was I so taken with them?" he said.
"The twins," Dix said.
"Yeah. I was so envious of them that I went on a bender," Jesse said.
"And why was it you were so envious?" Dix said.
Jesse said, "Why wouldn't I be?"
Dix moved his shoulders in something that might have been a shrug.
"Everybody wants to be loved," Jesse said.
"Love manifests," Dix said, "in many ways."
"Wow," Jesse said. "That's a real shrink phrase."
"Feeling some anger?" Dix said. "At me?"
Jesse shrugged.
"Why do you suppose you're angry?" Dix said.
Jesse took in a deep breath and let it out in slow exasperation.
"Because you're leading me to face something I don't want to face," he said.
Dix said nothing.
"They were both so submissive," Jesse said. "So . . ." He made a circular motion with his hand as he searched for the word.
"Self-abnegating?" Dix said.
"Hoo-ha!" Jesse said. "Self-abnegating."
"You know what it means," Dix said.
Jesse nodded.
"And you're right," he said. "I loved how self-abnegating they were."
"So, if they put themselves aside . . . ?" Dix said.
"Then they totally belonged to the husband," Jesse said.
Dix waited. He leaned back a little farther. His elbows were on the arms of his chair. His hands were folded in front of him. He rubbed the balls of his thumbs lightly together.
"What woman would want that?" Jesse said.
Dix waited.
"What man would want a woman to be like that?" Jesse said.
Dix waited.
"I don't like women like that," Jesse said.
Dix moved his head slightly. It might have been a nod.
"A woman like that couldn't leave me," Jesse said.
Dix nodded.
"Jesus," Jesse said. "I was asking Jenn to do things she couldn't do, and shouldn't."
"Probably," Dix said.
"And then I blamed her when she cheated."
"Tough place for Jenn to be," Dix said.
"Why the hell am I like that?" Jesse said.
Dix looked at his watch.
"Don't know," he said. "Maybe we'll find out. Maybe we'll never know. But perhaps you won't make the same mistake again."
Jesse nodded. When he left the office, he felt a little dizzy. And his head felt overused.
40
W HAT'S THAT EASEL ?" Cheryl
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