Speed of Life by J.M. Kelly Page A

the dreams. If she had the same ones, it’d be too freaky. I’m still shaky at the idea of losing my sister. My insides seem to leak out of me at the thought. I’m like a bag of skin but no bones, no organs, no nothing, my body slumped in the wheelchair. Not only would half of me die with Amber, but I know I could never raise Natalie on my own.
    â€œWhat would happen to her?” Amber asks.
    I shake my head. What
would
happen to her if we both died? We have no plan at all. We’ve never even bothered to have her baptized, so she doesn’t have any godparents. I’m sure Mom would raise Nat, but is that the kind of life we want for our baby?
    â€œWe’re gonna be fine,” I say.
    â€œThis time. But—”
    â€œStop it, Am.”
    â€œThere’s Aunt Ruby . . .”
    â€œAmber? Please? Just stop.” I can’t think about Natalie being on her own. It makes my heart hurt, sharp and deep like someone’s crushing it in a vise. We might not be the best mothers—​hell, most of the time we’re winging it—​but we do love her. And we’re all Natalie has. I’m going to do everything in my power to be there for her. And I know Amber will too.
    â€œWe’re gonna be fine,” I say again, more to reassure myself.
    Amber squeezes my hand. “You should go home and go to bed. You look like shit.”
    â€œYeah, okay.”
    As I wheel myself out, I remember to tell her the phone’s been cut off again. “But don’t worry. Someone will come and get you tomorrow. I promise.”
    â€œLove you.”
    â€œLove you back.”
    Han drives me home, helps me into my room, and goes out to feed Bonehead while I get undressed. A few minutes later, Han brings me a bowl of chicken noodle soup.
    Me and Amber have been vegetarians since we were five and Jade told us meat was animals. “I don’t eat chicken,” I remind him.
    â€œIt’s not real. It’s Campbell’s.”
    â€œVery funny.”
    â€œI’m serious,” he says. “I read it on the Internet. It’s soy protein or something.”
    We both know he’s lying, but I’m too sick to argue, and I eat the soup to make him happy.
    Sorry, Chicken Little.
    Han leaves after I finish, and I lie there in my cold bed. Thank God for Mom’s health insurance from her job. As long as me and Amber are still in school, we’re covered. But once we graduate, I’m not really sure what happens. Health insurance is another reason for me to go to college. I wonder if free healthcare will still be around next year for Amber? I drift off to sleep, trying not to worry about how much stuff we didn’t consider when we made our plan to get out of here and be on our own.

Chapter 13
    Four days after Amber comes home from the hospital, Gil’s tossing his cookies nonstop in the bathroom. The smell’s so bad that Mom threatens to move out until we’re all better, but she doesn’t because someone has to make sure Gil doesn’t die. “I need his paycheck from Big Apple if we’re gonna eat,” she says, like she’s only half kidding. We know she’d be lost without him, though.
    We miss a week of school, and when we go back, Mei-Zhen tells us she thinks Nat never got sick because she goes to daycare and is constantly bombarded by germs. Whatever the reason, we’re all super relieved to get over the worst of it. Me and Amber walk around like coughing zombies for weeks, though. Gil recovers faster. Maybe we should’ve tried beer for our “lots of fluids.”
    Jimmy schedules me to work mostly in the shop or at the lottery counter so I’m not stuck outside in the cold. I guess that’s how come me and David end up kind of being friends. More like car buddies. We eat lunch together on Saturdays, and twice we go out for coffee after the SAT review. There’s nothing romantic between us.