stomach.”
“While you’re at it,” she couldn’t help but add, “better pray
he’s got himself one. A heart, I mean. Can’t recall ever running
across it before, sorry to say.”
She had a point, and I groaned at it as I hopped out of the bed,
my sneakers on in no time flat, both of us heading downstairs
before I said my goodbyes and made my way to the address she’d
handed me. Thankfully, the cars were all still there. After all, they
all belonged to Jeeves now, and he was the one I was headed to.
§ § § §
He didn’t live too far away, as it turned out, an old two story
house that had long ago been subdivided into apartments. It was
a nice enough place, but not the mansion. That was for sure. Still,
I could see why Pearl’s windfall was so upsetting; by the looks of
things, he most certainly got the short end of the stick.
I sighed and looked down at my secret weapon. Suddenly
southeRn FRied 69
it seemed pretty weak. Like tossing a powder-puff at a tank.
Still, with little choice, I hopped out and trod on over, walking
inside a vestibule and up a short flight of steps. I breathed in
deeply, counted to ten, then ten again, then breathed in again,
added another ten for good measure, and then rang the bell. I
remembered to exhale just as his door creaked open, his face
appearing from within the gap.
He eyed me suspiciously, a look of out and out hatred washing
over him like a tidal wave. Then again, that was pretty much how
he always looked, so it was hard to tell just how pissed off he was
to see me. “What are you doing here, Trip?” he asked, lips barely
pried open.
“I, uh,” I managed to push up from my lungs, followed by
a rather painful pause, which was, of course followed by yet
another one. At the best of times, I had little to say to the man.
And these clearly weren’t the best of times. In fact, these were
the dark ages and the black plague combined, tossed in with a
little herpes outbreak for good measure. “I, uh, was hoping you
could help me.”
And then he laughed. Scare-fucking-ey. Which was promptly
followed by his slamming the door in my face, the sound echoing
down the hallway before boomeranging back into my ears. But I,
of course, was not to be deterred. Frightened, yes. Deterred, no.
Besides, I still had my secret weapon. I knocked this time around,
loudly. “I have something for you,” I said, my lips a mere inch
from the wooden door.
“Go away,” he replied back, his voice muffled on the other
side.
I removed the tinfoil. “Pearl made them special for you.”
The silence was deafening. Then the door opened ever so
slightly. “What?” he growled, hungrily eyeing the dish.
“Fried green tomatoes,” I replied. “Your favorite.” I gulped
down my pride, tossing in a “Walter” for good measure.
He snickered, and the door opened a few more inches. “You
have five minutes, Trip. No more.” He ushered me in and quickly
70 Rob Rosen
grabbed for the dish. “Now, what is it?”
He stood. I stood. He stared down at me and I up at him.
“Beau Pellingham,” I managed.
“What about him?” he asked, tapping his foot.
“He’s, uh, he’s either my brother or my cousin,” I replied,
meekly. “He’s, he’s Granny’s other grandson either way.”
He shook his head. “Nonsense. You are that infernal woman’s
only living relative.”
I shook my head back at him. “Or so we thought,” I said. “You
skedaddled before the rest of the will was read. Granny left the
remainder of her estate to Beau and I, her grandsons.” And still I
stared at him, and waited. But he said nothing, clearly pondering
what I had just said. “You knew her the longest, Walter. You
were at the mansion before I was born. You, you must know
something about this. About Beau.” And still his head shook, the
tapping gladly and abruptly stopping. “Did Granny have another
child? Did my parents?”
He walked away, reaching for one of
“While you’re at it,” she couldn’t help but add, “better pray
he’s got himself one. A heart, I mean. Can’t recall ever running
across it before, sorry to say.”
She had a point, and I groaned at it as I hopped out of the bed,
my sneakers on in no time flat, both of us heading downstairs
before I said my goodbyes and made my way to the address she’d
handed me. Thankfully, the cars were all still there. After all, they
all belonged to Jeeves now, and he was the one I was headed to.
§ § § §
He didn’t live too far away, as it turned out, an old two story
house that had long ago been subdivided into apartments. It was
a nice enough place, but not the mansion. That was for sure. Still,
I could see why Pearl’s windfall was so upsetting; by the looks of
things, he most certainly got the short end of the stick.
I sighed and looked down at my secret weapon. Suddenly
southeRn FRied 69
it seemed pretty weak. Like tossing a powder-puff at a tank.
Still, with little choice, I hopped out and trod on over, walking
inside a vestibule and up a short flight of steps. I breathed in
deeply, counted to ten, then ten again, then breathed in again,
added another ten for good measure, and then rang the bell. I
remembered to exhale just as his door creaked open, his face
appearing from within the gap.
He eyed me suspiciously, a look of out and out hatred washing
over him like a tidal wave. Then again, that was pretty much how
he always looked, so it was hard to tell just how pissed off he was
to see me. “What are you doing here, Trip?” he asked, lips barely
pried open.
“I, uh,” I managed to push up from my lungs, followed by
a rather painful pause, which was, of course followed by yet
another one. At the best of times, I had little to say to the man.
And these clearly weren’t the best of times. In fact, these were
the dark ages and the black plague combined, tossed in with a
little herpes outbreak for good measure. “I, uh, was hoping you
could help me.”
And then he laughed. Scare-fucking-ey. Which was promptly
followed by his slamming the door in my face, the sound echoing
down the hallway before boomeranging back into my ears. But I,
of course, was not to be deterred. Frightened, yes. Deterred, no.
Besides, I still had my secret weapon. I knocked this time around,
loudly. “I have something for you,” I said, my lips a mere inch
from the wooden door.
“Go away,” he replied back, his voice muffled on the other
side.
I removed the tinfoil. “Pearl made them special for you.”
The silence was deafening. Then the door opened ever so
slightly. “What?” he growled, hungrily eyeing the dish.
“Fried green tomatoes,” I replied. “Your favorite.” I gulped
down my pride, tossing in a “Walter” for good measure.
He snickered, and the door opened a few more inches. “You
have five minutes, Trip. No more.” He ushered me in and quickly
70 Rob Rosen
grabbed for the dish. “Now, what is it?”
He stood. I stood. He stared down at me and I up at him.
“Beau Pellingham,” I managed.
“What about him?” he asked, tapping his foot.
“He’s, uh, he’s either my brother or my cousin,” I replied,
meekly. “He’s, he’s Granny’s other grandson either way.”
He shook his head. “Nonsense. You are that infernal woman’s
only living relative.”
I shook my head back at him. “Or so we thought,” I said. “You
skedaddled before the rest of the will was read. Granny left the
remainder of her estate to Beau and I, her grandsons.” And still I
stared at him, and waited. But he said nothing, clearly pondering
what I had just said. “You knew her the longest, Walter. You
were at the mansion before I was born. You, you must know
something about this. About Beau.” And still his head shook, the
tapping gladly and abruptly stopping. “Did Granny have another
child? Did my parents?”
He walked away, reaching for one of
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