mam.” He reasons.
“Ugh, don’t call me mam. Call me Lorelai. Nothing personal, I don’t want you, or anyone for that matter, with me right now. I’m just going for a walk and I want to be alone.”
He gives me a pleading look. “That scary manager of yours is going fire my ass…”
“I won’t tell her if you don’t. Nothing is going to happen to me ok? Just please , please, give me a break,” I say sincerely to him practically begging. I see him swallow hard, he was with us on the plane this morning and he is having a hard time denying me now.
“Shit…. fine… but if she finds out I’ll say you managed to lose me.”
“Deal! Thanks Big Bob.” I say happily to him and walk away before he changes his mind. He definitely looks like he hates the idea.
I start wandering aimlessly the streets of Paris. It feels very historic, old and amazingly beautiful. For some reason the sense of time is more present in this city than anywhere else I had been so far, the old and new juxtaposing and contrasting one another. As I’m taking in the sights I keep thinking about how much my sister wanted to come to Paris and how much I would’ve have liked to be able to share this moment with my family. Now that I’m finally here, all alone, the city of lights seem awfully dim to me. I pass by a number of churches along my walk. My parents were catholic but ever since their deaths religion didn’t have much of a place in my life anymore. For no apparent reason at all, I walk through an antique carved wooden door, the threshold and metal handles worn by years and years of hand use. I enter the very small church, dark and completely empty. I walk around looking at the artwork along its walls, lost in my thoughts. Without me noticing, a priest comes up behind me and whispers, “Bonjour Madame.”
“Bonjour,” I say back a bit startled.
“American?”
“Yes.”
“You look lost. Do you need any help?” he asks me in very good English.
“I guess you could say I’m lost but it has nothing to do with geography.” He looks surprised with my answer.
“Part of my job description is being a good listener, that’s if you want to talk.”
“There are so many churches in Paris.” I continue. “You walk in them and they are filled with tourists taking pictures. Does anyone still come in here for the real purpose of the church?”
“Yes, many people still believe in what this stands for. You’re not one of them?”
“I don’t know what I believe anymore, Father.”
“Do you believe in God?”
“If I do, I can’t say I’m in peace with Him. Let’s just say we have a disagreement. ” He is quiet prodding me to continue and I do. “He has taken away my entire family and cruelly left me behind, all alone.”
“And you’re angry that they are gone or that you were left behind?”
“Both. Now I often find myself living in limbo. I’m not either here or there.”
“Life is fleeting. We like to think otherwise but we are all here on borrowed time. The thing about limbo is you get to choose where you go next. It’s up to you to start living again.”
“Or not,” I say staring into nothing.
“Yes… but that would be a waste my child. There is much to live for still, if you just open your heart to see it.”
We stay silent for a while. Then I finally say, “thanks’ for the talk.”
“I’ll pray for your peace of mind.”
“Thanks Father,” I answer. I walk out feeling even more conflicted than when I went in.
When I get back to my room at the hotel, I see Chris sitting by my door. “Where were you? I’ve been looking for you,” he immediately says to me.
I don’t say anything, I open the door and we go in.
“I needed to go for a walk. I needed to be alone, sorry.”
“Why are you shutting me out? ” He asks a bit exasperated. “It’s been hard enough as it is. I miss you.”
“ I know, I’m sorry,” I say to him and I was sorry. He deserved better than what I was
“Ugh, don’t call me mam. Call me Lorelai. Nothing personal, I don’t want you, or anyone for that matter, with me right now. I’m just going for a walk and I want to be alone.”
He gives me a pleading look. “That scary manager of yours is going fire my ass…”
“I won’t tell her if you don’t. Nothing is going to happen to me ok? Just please , please, give me a break,” I say sincerely to him practically begging. I see him swallow hard, he was with us on the plane this morning and he is having a hard time denying me now.
“Shit…. fine… but if she finds out I’ll say you managed to lose me.”
“Deal! Thanks Big Bob.” I say happily to him and walk away before he changes his mind. He definitely looks like he hates the idea.
I start wandering aimlessly the streets of Paris. It feels very historic, old and amazingly beautiful. For some reason the sense of time is more present in this city than anywhere else I had been so far, the old and new juxtaposing and contrasting one another. As I’m taking in the sights I keep thinking about how much my sister wanted to come to Paris and how much I would’ve have liked to be able to share this moment with my family. Now that I’m finally here, all alone, the city of lights seem awfully dim to me. I pass by a number of churches along my walk. My parents were catholic but ever since their deaths religion didn’t have much of a place in my life anymore. For no apparent reason at all, I walk through an antique carved wooden door, the threshold and metal handles worn by years and years of hand use. I enter the very small church, dark and completely empty. I walk around looking at the artwork along its walls, lost in my thoughts. Without me noticing, a priest comes up behind me and whispers, “Bonjour Madame.”
“Bonjour,” I say back a bit startled.
“American?”
“Yes.”
“You look lost. Do you need any help?” he asks me in very good English.
“I guess you could say I’m lost but it has nothing to do with geography.” He looks surprised with my answer.
“Part of my job description is being a good listener, that’s if you want to talk.”
“There are so many churches in Paris.” I continue. “You walk in them and they are filled with tourists taking pictures. Does anyone still come in here for the real purpose of the church?”
“Yes, many people still believe in what this stands for. You’re not one of them?”
“I don’t know what I believe anymore, Father.”
“Do you believe in God?”
“If I do, I can’t say I’m in peace with Him. Let’s just say we have a disagreement. ” He is quiet prodding me to continue and I do. “He has taken away my entire family and cruelly left me behind, all alone.”
“And you’re angry that they are gone or that you were left behind?”
“Both. Now I often find myself living in limbo. I’m not either here or there.”
“Life is fleeting. We like to think otherwise but we are all here on borrowed time. The thing about limbo is you get to choose where you go next. It’s up to you to start living again.”
“Or not,” I say staring into nothing.
“Yes… but that would be a waste my child. There is much to live for still, if you just open your heart to see it.”
We stay silent for a while. Then I finally say, “thanks’ for the talk.”
“I’ll pray for your peace of mind.”
“Thanks Father,” I answer. I walk out feeling even more conflicted than when I went in.
When I get back to my room at the hotel, I see Chris sitting by my door. “Where were you? I’ve been looking for you,” he immediately says to me.
I don’t say anything, I open the door and we go in.
“I needed to go for a walk. I needed to be alone, sorry.”
“Why are you shutting me out? ” He asks a bit exasperated. “It’s been hard enough as it is. I miss you.”
“ I know, I’m sorry,” I say to him and I was sorry. He deserved better than what I was
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