doesn’t….that would be wonderful.”
“Yeah,” he sighed, feeling adrift once again, having no idea what to do, no clue what direction to take, and finding his internal compass useless. “Listen, I’m sorry for snapping at you. I appreciate you being there. Helping out, keeping us all informed.”
“I know you do. We’ll get through this. No matter what. We will.”
“How’s she doing?”
“Fine. Just like always. So maybe it was stress.”
“Maybe,” he said without conviction. He told her he’d be home in a few weeks after he settled into classes, asked her to give Steffi a kiss from her uncle and said goodbye.
He leaned back in the chair and looked out the window. It was unseasonably warm. The sun was shining; the snow disappearing. The courtyard was alive with clusters of students, winter coats hanging open, as they smoked, talked, played hacky-sack, tossed a football. Watching them caused the loneliness to swell and break inside of him again. He’d never known that kind of camaraderie. He’d been an outsider in high school. After that, his vagabond lifestyle offered lots of opportunities to meet new people and make acquaintances but never to settle into a community of friends. He and Graham hadn’t lived in the same city since college. In Los Angeles, he’d lived with Megan much of the time and the city was so transient that they would no sooner connect with another couple than that couple would be packing up and heading back to wherever they’d come from. Through all of his travels, experiences, and lovers, through all the communication skills he’d learned since leaving Cherry Run, he realized that there had always been this separateness about him.
This loneliness.
Kerri and Kat walked out of the main building and joined a group of boys that were standing in the courtyard, smoking. Even from this distance, she had an effect on him. His heart started to pound and when she hugged one of the boys, he felt it in the pit of his stomach. “Fuck it,” he said, picking up his phone and pressing her number. A rush of excitement went through him when he saw her react to the ring and take the phone from her purse. He should have hung up, but he couldn’t. Though he was unable to see the expression on her face, he saw her discreetly slip the phone back into her purse and blend right back into the group as if it were an unimportant call, maybe a casual friend that she would call back later. Her voicemail kicked on—the same chipper greeting as before—but he hung up without leaving a message this time.
Did this really tell him anything? Yes, she got the call but it didn’t prove that she got the other messages. It also proved that she didn’t answer when she saw who was calling. Of course, answering in a group of students would not only have been very uncomfortable for her, it would have been very foolish, almost as foolish as he’d been in placing the call in the first place.
What it told him was yet to be revealed. Would she call back or was she playing some kind of bizarre game with him?
Less than a minute later, she made a big show of looking at her watch, said a few words to Kat and waved goodbye to the boys. The kid that had hugged her, copped another quick one before she headed toward the student parking lots. She was barely ten feet away from them when the phone was out of her purse and Seth’s phone began to ring.
He closed the door to the office and answered. “Hello?”
“Did you just call me?”
“If you have my number programmed into your phone, then you know I did. If you don’t, then that was a hell of a guess.”
She was quiet for a moment. He could hear the click of her of boots on the sidewalk over the phone as he watched her disappear around the corner of the music building. “I don’t know why I’m returning this call,” she said, her voice tight. “You call me a week and a half late and then don’t leave a message. How flattering.”
“What are you
“Yeah,” he sighed, feeling adrift once again, having no idea what to do, no clue what direction to take, and finding his internal compass useless. “Listen, I’m sorry for snapping at you. I appreciate you being there. Helping out, keeping us all informed.”
“I know you do. We’ll get through this. No matter what. We will.”
“How’s she doing?”
“Fine. Just like always. So maybe it was stress.”
“Maybe,” he said without conviction. He told her he’d be home in a few weeks after he settled into classes, asked her to give Steffi a kiss from her uncle and said goodbye.
He leaned back in the chair and looked out the window. It was unseasonably warm. The sun was shining; the snow disappearing. The courtyard was alive with clusters of students, winter coats hanging open, as they smoked, talked, played hacky-sack, tossed a football. Watching them caused the loneliness to swell and break inside of him again. He’d never known that kind of camaraderie. He’d been an outsider in high school. After that, his vagabond lifestyle offered lots of opportunities to meet new people and make acquaintances but never to settle into a community of friends. He and Graham hadn’t lived in the same city since college. In Los Angeles, he’d lived with Megan much of the time and the city was so transient that they would no sooner connect with another couple than that couple would be packing up and heading back to wherever they’d come from. Through all of his travels, experiences, and lovers, through all the communication skills he’d learned since leaving Cherry Run, he realized that there had always been this separateness about him.
This loneliness.
Kerri and Kat walked out of the main building and joined a group of boys that were standing in the courtyard, smoking. Even from this distance, she had an effect on him. His heart started to pound and when she hugged one of the boys, he felt it in the pit of his stomach. “Fuck it,” he said, picking up his phone and pressing her number. A rush of excitement went through him when he saw her react to the ring and take the phone from her purse. He should have hung up, but he couldn’t. Though he was unable to see the expression on her face, he saw her discreetly slip the phone back into her purse and blend right back into the group as if it were an unimportant call, maybe a casual friend that she would call back later. Her voicemail kicked on—the same chipper greeting as before—but he hung up without leaving a message this time.
Did this really tell him anything? Yes, she got the call but it didn’t prove that she got the other messages. It also proved that she didn’t answer when she saw who was calling. Of course, answering in a group of students would not only have been very uncomfortable for her, it would have been very foolish, almost as foolish as he’d been in placing the call in the first place.
What it told him was yet to be revealed. Would she call back or was she playing some kind of bizarre game with him?
Less than a minute later, she made a big show of looking at her watch, said a few words to Kat and waved goodbye to the boys. The kid that had hugged her, copped another quick one before she headed toward the student parking lots. She was barely ten feet away from them when the phone was out of her purse and Seth’s phone began to ring.
He closed the door to the office and answered. “Hello?”
“Did you just call me?”
“If you have my number programmed into your phone, then you know I did. If you don’t, then that was a hell of a guess.”
She was quiet for a moment. He could hear the click of her of boots on the sidewalk over the phone as he watched her disappear around the corner of the music building. “I don’t know why I’m returning this call,” she said, her voice tight. “You call me a week and a half late and then don’t leave a message. How flattering.”
“What are you
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