would whack you in a hot minute. You ruined my three-hundred dollar dress! I wore it two hours . And don’t even get me started on my Valentino metallic stilettos!” My voice reached a near fervent pitch.
“Ha!” Devin barked. “ Three hundred dollars for a dress? You are such a bonehead. That’s a hundred-fifty ya-yos an hour.”
I made a sputtering sound that would terrify small children.
He reached into the backseat and pulled out a couple bottles of soda from my surveillance cooler. He handed me one, and I hit him with it.
He laughed and rubbed his arm.
“Anyway, when I was away, I had a lot of time to think about our, uh, misunderstanding. He cleared his throat. “I wanted to say—I…uh… uhm…”
“Yes?”
“I was uh—well…”
“Come on—”
“What I am trying to say is…”
“You can’t say it, can you?”
“I can say it. I’m—”
“You can do it. Spit it out, Devin.”
“I’m spitting already. I’m…I’m…”
“Sor–ry.” I prompted. “Just say it.”
He did a mean goldfish imitation.
“Un-flipping-believable.”
“Oh—just shut up and get over it, Cat!” Devin got out his flask from his inside jacket pocket and took a hefty pull.
“I don’t know how far you got with the twelve steps. But you didn’t stay in the program long enough for the one where you ask forgiveness fortrying to kill people.
Devin shot a sullen look. I inspected his mouth. There was a white powdery substance around his lips.
Powdered sugar .
“You got into Mama’s cannoli? My God! Is nothing off limits to you?”
He opened the door. “We’ll talk later. You’re being a raging bitch right now. Aunt Flo must be visiting.”
I lunged for him as he jumped outside laughing. I caught a flash of something in his hand.
I couldn’t wrench my jaws apart. “That’s my mama’s Tupperware,” I said through gritted teeth.
He winked. “I’ll finish these off and return the container myself. I bet your mama makes me supper.”
I watched as Devin disappeared into the night.
I pounded the steering wheel with my fists, took a few deep, balancing breaths. I closed my eyes and felt healing energy wash over me as I visualized slowly choking the life out of Devin.
I was ready to face my next hurdle. I punched Cleo’s number on my phone.
She answered on the first ring. “Hey, girlfriend.”
“So, whatcha doin’?”
“I took Cristina and Halah out to dinner, and we’re on our way to a movie. Halah wants to see some weird vampire flick.”
I heard Halah giggling in the background. She seemed happier now. More like a fifteen year old should be. In theory, anyway.
“You’re scared of vampires, Cleo.”
“And zombies. Well, all dead men walking, really.” I heard her shudder.
“You should be.” I laughed. “Drop the girls off at the theatre and give them cab fare. We’re working tonight. We have a murder to solve.”
Cleo tried to infuse regret in her voice. “Sorry to ditch ya. The Pants On Fire Detective Agency is hot on the trail of a killer!”
“We wanna come,” I heard Cristina say.
Cleo’s voice came back. “Cristina said—”
I cut her off. “Trust me. Cristina will be safer with the vampires.”
***
I removed a recorder from my glove box, put in the tape, and plugged in the cord from my cigarette lighter. I had one more call to make. In my business, I make a lot of these. They don’t get easier.
Sylvia answered on the first ring. She had to be staring at the phone.
“Okay, Cat. What happened? Tell me all the details. And don’t hold back. Please. Cat? Are you there? Hello?”
“I will tell you everything, if you will just listen,” I breathed in deep. Softening my voice I continued. “I met Garrett at Bernice’s Tavern. I had a little quality time with him before his friend showed up.”
“Dammit, Cat, don’t beat around the bush. What did he say about me? Did he show you that picture of us on the beach?”
“Uh…no.”
“Did he tell
“Ha!” Devin barked. “ Three hundred dollars for a dress? You are such a bonehead. That’s a hundred-fifty ya-yos an hour.”
I made a sputtering sound that would terrify small children.
He reached into the backseat and pulled out a couple bottles of soda from my surveillance cooler. He handed me one, and I hit him with it.
He laughed and rubbed his arm.
“Anyway, when I was away, I had a lot of time to think about our, uh, misunderstanding. He cleared his throat. “I wanted to say—I…uh… uhm…”
“Yes?”
“I was uh—well…”
“Come on—”
“What I am trying to say is…”
“You can’t say it, can you?”
“I can say it. I’m—”
“You can do it. Spit it out, Devin.”
“I’m spitting already. I’m…I’m…”
“Sor–ry.” I prompted. “Just say it.”
He did a mean goldfish imitation.
“Un-flipping-believable.”
“Oh—just shut up and get over it, Cat!” Devin got out his flask from his inside jacket pocket and took a hefty pull.
“I don’t know how far you got with the twelve steps. But you didn’t stay in the program long enough for the one where you ask forgiveness fortrying to kill people.
Devin shot a sullen look. I inspected his mouth. There was a white powdery substance around his lips.
Powdered sugar .
“You got into Mama’s cannoli? My God! Is nothing off limits to you?”
He opened the door. “We’ll talk later. You’re being a raging bitch right now. Aunt Flo must be visiting.”
I lunged for him as he jumped outside laughing. I caught a flash of something in his hand.
I couldn’t wrench my jaws apart. “That’s my mama’s Tupperware,” I said through gritted teeth.
He winked. “I’ll finish these off and return the container myself. I bet your mama makes me supper.”
I watched as Devin disappeared into the night.
I pounded the steering wheel with my fists, took a few deep, balancing breaths. I closed my eyes and felt healing energy wash over me as I visualized slowly choking the life out of Devin.
I was ready to face my next hurdle. I punched Cleo’s number on my phone.
She answered on the first ring. “Hey, girlfriend.”
“So, whatcha doin’?”
“I took Cristina and Halah out to dinner, and we’re on our way to a movie. Halah wants to see some weird vampire flick.”
I heard Halah giggling in the background. She seemed happier now. More like a fifteen year old should be. In theory, anyway.
“You’re scared of vampires, Cleo.”
“And zombies. Well, all dead men walking, really.” I heard her shudder.
“You should be.” I laughed. “Drop the girls off at the theatre and give them cab fare. We’re working tonight. We have a murder to solve.”
Cleo tried to infuse regret in her voice. “Sorry to ditch ya. The Pants On Fire Detective Agency is hot on the trail of a killer!”
“We wanna come,” I heard Cristina say.
Cleo’s voice came back. “Cristina said—”
I cut her off. “Trust me. Cristina will be safer with the vampires.”
***
I removed a recorder from my glove box, put in the tape, and plugged in the cord from my cigarette lighter. I had one more call to make. In my business, I make a lot of these. They don’t get easier.
Sylvia answered on the first ring. She had to be staring at the phone.
“Okay, Cat. What happened? Tell me all the details. And don’t hold back. Please. Cat? Are you there? Hello?”
“I will tell you everything, if you will just listen,” I breathed in deep. Softening my voice I continued. “I met Garrett at Bernice’s Tavern. I had a little quality time with him before his friend showed up.”
“Dammit, Cat, don’t beat around the bush. What did he say about me? Did he show you that picture of us on the beach?”
“Uh…no.”
“Did he tell
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