credits to graduate.
You can see why I hid for a whole day after reading all that. I imagined the procedures could easily be more victimizing than the original comments.
I finally decided to call Jill. My sister was a take-no-nonsense sort. I really didn’t feel comfortable talking to her about this kind of thing, but I at least got up the courage to dial her phone number. Becky was out. I sat on the one rickety stool we had in the kitchen, at the end of the tiny countertop, and put the phone to my ear.
“Jill Casper,” my sister answered. I could hear the sound of something metal banging into something else in the background: kitchen noises.
“Jill, it’s me.”
“Oh, hey, Karina, calling for your job back?”
“Hah, you wish.”
“No, seriously, where the hell did you run off to the other night? The only reason I didn’t worry is Luis told me you came in the next day when I wasn’t here to pick up your envelope. I worry when people flake out, you know.” By people she meant our brother. Troy was a stoner who sometimes got so high he forgot the day of the week. He hadn’t lasted a month working for Jill before he moved out West.
“No, nothing like that. I just got fed up and I’ve got a lot to do,” I said.
“Well, Mom’s worried about you, anyway.”
“Oh no, tell me you didn’t rat me out to her.”
“Well, I wouldn’t call it ‘ratted out…’”
“What did you tell her?”
“Nothing, really. All I do is deflect her from obsessing over me by talking about you,” she said.
“So she obsesses over me instead!”
“Of course she does. Come on, Karina, you’re her one real girl-child. She dreams about that church wedding in June. Your dyke big sister here isn’t going to wear her wedding dress, and Troy sure as hell isn’t either.”
“Where is he now? Still in Boulder?”
“He’s beach-bumming in Santa Cruz, at least according to his Facebook. The cell phone number I had for him in Colorado is dead, but at least I know he’s not.” She must’ve shrugged; something made the phone crackle. “Seriously, Karina, you know what Mom wants, but it doesn’t have to be what you want. She wants you to have the perfect man because she doesn’t. You have to learn to ignore it.”
“Ugh, that isn’t even it,” I said. “She wants me to be perfect, because if I were, that’s how I’d get the perfect man. Except her stupid definition of me being perfect is having the right man! It’s like nothing I do matters unless I have a man. What happens if I don’t want a man?”
“That’s the argument I’ve been having with her since I came out, sweetie pie.”
“Okay, okay, you win. But you know what? I bet even if I do get married, she still won’t be happy.”
“Well, duh, I know that and you know that, but Mom doesn’t. We can’t make her happy, Kar’. The best we can do is try to make ourselves happy and hope she comes around to seeing what’s good in our lives. Speaking of which, I’m thinking about popping the question to Pauline.”
“No way! You’ve been together how long? Two years?”
“It’ll be our third anniversary. I’m saving up for the ring. I’m thinking I’ll take her out to dinner for our anniversary and then do it in a horse carriage ride through Central Park.”
“Fairy-tale style!” I hopped off the stool and gave a little twirl. “Oh, you have to make me a bridesmaid then! Oh, except wait, are you the groom in this case?”
Jill’s laugh was low and slow. “We’ll figure it out. For all I know, Pauli will want to wear a tux, too. We’ll have some of each kind of attendant maybe. I’ve got a couple months of saving up to do first anyway, and…let’s not count our chickens before they hatch, okay? You’re the only person I’ve told.”
“Oh my God, Jill, that’s so exciting! Wait, you haven’t told Mom?”
“I haven’t told Mom.” She lapsed into a worried silence.
“You don’t think she’d approve?”
“I’m not
You can see why I hid for a whole day after reading all that. I imagined the procedures could easily be more victimizing than the original comments.
I finally decided to call Jill. My sister was a take-no-nonsense sort. I really didn’t feel comfortable talking to her about this kind of thing, but I at least got up the courage to dial her phone number. Becky was out. I sat on the one rickety stool we had in the kitchen, at the end of the tiny countertop, and put the phone to my ear.
“Jill Casper,” my sister answered. I could hear the sound of something metal banging into something else in the background: kitchen noises.
“Jill, it’s me.”
“Oh, hey, Karina, calling for your job back?”
“Hah, you wish.”
“No, seriously, where the hell did you run off to the other night? The only reason I didn’t worry is Luis told me you came in the next day when I wasn’t here to pick up your envelope. I worry when people flake out, you know.” By people she meant our brother. Troy was a stoner who sometimes got so high he forgot the day of the week. He hadn’t lasted a month working for Jill before he moved out West.
“No, nothing like that. I just got fed up and I’ve got a lot to do,” I said.
“Well, Mom’s worried about you, anyway.”
“Oh no, tell me you didn’t rat me out to her.”
“Well, I wouldn’t call it ‘ratted out…’”
“What did you tell her?”
“Nothing, really. All I do is deflect her from obsessing over me by talking about you,” she said.
“So she obsesses over me instead!”
“Of course she does. Come on, Karina, you’re her one real girl-child. She dreams about that church wedding in June. Your dyke big sister here isn’t going to wear her wedding dress, and Troy sure as hell isn’t either.”
“Where is he now? Still in Boulder?”
“He’s beach-bumming in Santa Cruz, at least according to his Facebook. The cell phone number I had for him in Colorado is dead, but at least I know he’s not.” She must’ve shrugged; something made the phone crackle. “Seriously, Karina, you know what Mom wants, but it doesn’t have to be what you want. She wants you to have the perfect man because she doesn’t. You have to learn to ignore it.”
“Ugh, that isn’t even it,” I said. “She wants me to be perfect, because if I were, that’s how I’d get the perfect man. Except her stupid definition of me being perfect is having the right man! It’s like nothing I do matters unless I have a man. What happens if I don’t want a man?”
“That’s the argument I’ve been having with her since I came out, sweetie pie.”
“Okay, okay, you win. But you know what? I bet even if I do get married, she still won’t be happy.”
“Well, duh, I know that and you know that, but Mom doesn’t. We can’t make her happy, Kar’. The best we can do is try to make ourselves happy and hope she comes around to seeing what’s good in our lives. Speaking of which, I’m thinking about popping the question to Pauline.”
“No way! You’ve been together how long? Two years?”
“It’ll be our third anniversary. I’m saving up for the ring. I’m thinking I’ll take her out to dinner for our anniversary and then do it in a horse carriage ride through Central Park.”
“Fairy-tale style!” I hopped off the stool and gave a little twirl. “Oh, you have to make me a bridesmaid then! Oh, except wait, are you the groom in this case?”
Jill’s laugh was low and slow. “We’ll figure it out. For all I know, Pauli will want to wear a tux, too. We’ll have some of each kind of attendant maybe. I’ve got a couple months of saving up to do first anyway, and…let’s not count our chickens before they hatch, okay? You’re the only person I’ve told.”
“Oh my God, Jill, that’s so exciting! Wait, you haven’t told Mom?”
“I haven’t told Mom.” She lapsed into a worried silence.
“You don’t think she’d approve?”
“I’m not
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