despite the pain of being so tightly wound, I couldn’t stay still for long. I got up, ignoring my body’s protests, and forced myself to start walking.
It took a few blocks for me to realize I was heading in the wrong direction. Getting off the train too soon had left me completely disoriented, and with my mind in bits, I didn’t have a clue where I was. By the time I figured it out, I was miles from home.
L ATER that night, Pete stood in the doorway of the kitchen and watched me. He’d figured out something was wrong the moment he saw me so disheveled from the long walk home, but other than coercing me into changing clothes and eating a single slice of pizza, he’d let me be.
Predictably, though, as I stood at the sink and stared at the dirty dishes, it seemed he’d had enough.
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
He ventured further into the room and put his hand on my head. “Are you sick?”
“No.”
I shifted away from him and he made no attempt to touch me again, but I felt his sharp gaze all over me.
“Don’t do that,” he said. “Don’t look down when you’re upset. You don’t need to hide from me.”
“I’m not upset.”
He reached down and took my hands from the sink. “Then what is it?”
I pulled my wet hands from him and folded my arms across my chest. “I… I don’t know.”
He eyed me for a moment before he slowly peeled my arms away from my body. He pulled on them until I’d wrapped them loosely around him. Satisfied, he leaned closer and the warmth from his body seeped into me. “What can I do?”
I ducked my head. It was a natural reaction, but he caught my face with his hand. “Hey, no hiding, okay?”
I swallowed heavily. No one had ever looked at me the way he was then. For a long time, apathy had been my friend, but it wasn’t something I could maintain with him. He made my insides tremble just by looking at me.
Pete brought his other hand up so he was cupping my whole face, and then he kissed me, lightly at first, but then harder… hard enough to make me forget everything in the world except him. He walked me slowly backward until my back hit the refrigerator. No part of me resisted, and my head hit the old metal door with a dull thud. My eyes rolled back as he moved his lips on mine, and the scratch of his scruff-covered chin on my cheek felt amazing.
He pulled away far too soon. “Better?”
I licked my swollen lips and nodded. “Do it again.”
He leaned forward, smirking, but just before his lips touched me, he straightened and kissed my forehead instead. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
I let him take my hand and lead me to his bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed while he disappeared. He was back a few moments later with a DVD. “You like wizards, right?”
“What?”
“ Lord of the Rings ,” he said. “It’s got all that fantasy shit you draw in it. Have you ever seen it?”
My face must have been as blank as my brain. The only movies I’d ever seen were the girlie ones Ellie liked, and because they were all the damn same, I almost always fell asleep. In fact, sometimes I thought she did it on purpose.
“What about the books?” Pete persisted gently. “My dad tried to get me to read them when I was a kid, but they were way too long for me.”
I didn’t have an answer for him, but he didn’t seem to expect one. He got to his feet and pulled off his shirt. He retrieved the remote from under the bed and pointed it at the TV.
“I put your coat in the laundry. It’s got some bleach or something on it. Damn thing stinks. What did you do? Clean the bathroom with it?”
Bleach.
The room lurched around me, and I felt suddenly sick. Pete blurred as he moved. He crouched in front of me and searched my face. “Whoa, where did you go?”
“Hmm?”
He squeezed my hands. “You totally spaced on me. If I’d known you felt so crappy, I wouldn’t have jumped on you. Do you want some
It took a few blocks for me to realize I was heading in the wrong direction. Getting off the train too soon had left me completely disoriented, and with my mind in bits, I didn’t have a clue where I was. By the time I figured it out, I was miles from home.
L ATER that night, Pete stood in the doorway of the kitchen and watched me. He’d figured out something was wrong the moment he saw me so disheveled from the long walk home, but other than coercing me into changing clothes and eating a single slice of pizza, he’d let me be.
Predictably, though, as I stood at the sink and stared at the dirty dishes, it seemed he’d had enough.
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
He ventured further into the room and put his hand on my head. “Are you sick?”
“No.”
I shifted away from him and he made no attempt to touch me again, but I felt his sharp gaze all over me.
“Don’t do that,” he said. “Don’t look down when you’re upset. You don’t need to hide from me.”
“I’m not upset.”
He reached down and took my hands from the sink. “Then what is it?”
I pulled my wet hands from him and folded my arms across my chest. “I… I don’t know.”
He eyed me for a moment before he slowly peeled my arms away from my body. He pulled on them until I’d wrapped them loosely around him. Satisfied, he leaned closer and the warmth from his body seeped into me. “What can I do?”
I ducked my head. It was a natural reaction, but he caught my face with his hand. “Hey, no hiding, okay?”
I swallowed heavily. No one had ever looked at me the way he was then. For a long time, apathy had been my friend, but it wasn’t something I could maintain with him. He made my insides tremble just by looking at me.
Pete brought his other hand up so he was cupping my whole face, and then he kissed me, lightly at first, but then harder… hard enough to make me forget everything in the world except him. He walked me slowly backward until my back hit the refrigerator. No part of me resisted, and my head hit the old metal door with a dull thud. My eyes rolled back as he moved his lips on mine, and the scratch of his scruff-covered chin on my cheek felt amazing.
He pulled away far too soon. “Better?”
I licked my swollen lips and nodded. “Do it again.”
He leaned forward, smirking, but just before his lips touched me, he straightened and kissed my forehead instead. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
I let him take my hand and lead me to his bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed while he disappeared. He was back a few moments later with a DVD. “You like wizards, right?”
“What?”
“ Lord of the Rings ,” he said. “It’s got all that fantasy shit you draw in it. Have you ever seen it?”
My face must have been as blank as my brain. The only movies I’d ever seen were the girlie ones Ellie liked, and because they were all the damn same, I almost always fell asleep. In fact, sometimes I thought she did it on purpose.
“What about the books?” Pete persisted gently. “My dad tried to get me to read them when I was a kid, but they were way too long for me.”
I didn’t have an answer for him, but he didn’t seem to expect one. He got to his feet and pulled off his shirt. He retrieved the remote from under the bed and pointed it at the TV.
“I put your coat in the laundry. It’s got some bleach or something on it. Damn thing stinks. What did you do? Clean the bathroom with it?”
Bleach.
The room lurched around me, and I felt suddenly sick. Pete blurred as he moved. He crouched in front of me and searched my face. “Whoa, where did you go?”
“Hmm?”
He squeezed my hands. “You totally spaced on me. If I’d known you felt so crappy, I wouldn’t have jumped on you. Do you want some
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