Six by Rachel Robinson Page B

17th, Night
    Everything holds new meaning with my feelings of joy. Of the three emotions to my name, joy is the strongest, and for that I am ever thankful and elated.
    With my newfound happiness comes crushing guilt. I have all these people in my life who have done so much for me and ask nothing in return, other than their desire for me to feel . My joy is mine, not theirs. They have been selfless to the selfish. I am forever in their debt for giving me the gift of a life free of my fate. Though surprise, sadness, and love are missing, I know they are there just waiting to break through. Finn says he knew I was on the cusp of happiness—he sensed it in every word I spoke, in every exchange I had with him, in every smile ‘that actually reached my eyes’. Lana is excited for my new feeling if only for the reason she is able to tell Finn, ‘I told you so.’ She has irrevocable gloating rights for the foreseeable future.
    I watch Lana twisting her black hair into a short ponytail. She, along with a few of the other lethal darklings, is going to another circle tonight—the circle that organized our scavenger hunt. Lana is angry about her ruined clothing, but not as angry as Bec who was nearly decapitated by a savage. Horrible as Bec’s situation is, it makes me happy to know I am not the only one who got brutally attacked. They exacted punishment on our entire circle. I have a feeling they knew why the circle planned so violently but of course, they refused to clue me in.
    “I wish I could stay here with you tonight. I want to hear more of your stories,” Lana says. I have been telling her every story about the old world I can pull from memory.
    “No. You need to go have words with the lower, oh-so-in-trouble circle,” I say, although I do wish she would stay. There are so many things I want to tell her. Just looking at her seems different. She makes me happy. Lana stretches her hand out, reaching for me, and claws at the air. I laugh. She snarls through gritted teeth. Her impression of a savage is spot on.
    “If by words you mean knock heads together, then yeah,” she says with a smile on her face. “I am so happy for you. I really am. I knew you could do it. I am so glad I didn’t kill you when I found you that day in the forest.” Coming from anyone else these words would be highly offensive, but not from her.
    “I am happy to be alive. I hope the other emotions come quickly,” I say, feeling remorseful for wanting more so soon. Lana swings her bow over her shoulder and puts her hands on her slight hips. I watch as she raises her eyebrows, her forehead crinkling at her mocking expression.
    “I have a feeling a lot of things will be coming quickly,” Lana quips. I throw a pillow across the room and pelt her in the head. She stumbles back, but her taunting smile stays perched on her slender face.
    “You know it is not like that,” I say, hoping her crude sexual innuendo is finished for the night. Images of Finn kissing me shirtless fog my mind at any mention of sex.
    “It wasn’t like that. I think things may be a touch different now that he knows you feel happiness. I’m not telling you to do anything.” Lana bites her lip and tilts her chin down. “Maybe you should try attacking him with your clothes off. Or maybe you shouldn’t.” Lana laughs loudly as she watches my shocked expression.
    Though I would give anything to attack Finn naked, I feel horrified imagining it, thinking he would turn me away.
    “I’m joking, Emma. Calm down. I just think the fact that you have his heart dangling around your neck means you’re more than friends.” She holds both hands out in front her. “Or maybe you’re not.” Lana clasps her hands together. I roll the pendants between my fingers knowing Lana is perfectly right. She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, her leather pants stretching over her knees as she does so.
    “Go ahead and go, Lana. Try not to get yourself killed,” I say. “Plus I