Shy by John Inman Page A

the hell out of this conversation. In fact, I would probably remember it fondly for years.
    “Nope,” I said. “Frank’s still here.”
    “For how long?”
    “Forever, I hope.”
    “You mean—”
    “Yep. I mean.”
    Jerry actually spluttered. I love it when exes splutter. “But you just met the guy!”
    “Yes, I did.”
    “You’re too weird for a committed relationship!”
    “Yes, I am. So is Frank. We’re perfect for each other.”
    “He’s too young for you.”
    “Oh please.”
    “He doesn’t even have a job.”
    “We’re working on that.”
    “Look, Tom, don’t do this. I’m sorry about last night.”
    “This isn’t about last night.”
    “Yes it is. Stanley’s sorry about last night too.”
    “Yeah, I got the flowers.”
    “Huh?”
    “A joke.”
    “Oh.” Jerry lowered his voice conspiratorially. “Stanley’s in the bathroom, but listen, I’ve been thinking. Maybe this whole me and Stanley thing isn’t working out. I don’t like the fact that he’s messing around with drugs again.”
    “Oh. Is Stanley on drugs? I thought that was kabuki makeup he had smeared all over his nose last night. I thought maybe he had been cast as Madame Butterfly to open the San Diego opera season and he was just showing off his stage persona for me and the other guests. You mean that was drugs? Drugs, like in coke? Not like coke The Real Thing, but coke the shit people snort up their noses to fuck their brains up even more than they’re already fucked up? That kind of coke? Well, I’m just full-blown astounded. I thought Stanley was on the fast track to sainthood. That’s going to pretty much blow his chance for that ,don’t you think? And the Nobel Prize for world peace will probably go right out the window too. Drugs! Well, I’ll be!”
    “Come on, Tom. What do you think? Let’s have dinner tonight. I’ve missed you.”
    I thought about that, but not in the way Jerry was hoping I would think about it. “Let me get this straight, Jerry. First you’re married to me, but then you go off and cheat with Stanley, after which you quickly decide you like him better than me and dump me to move in with him, but now you’re saying you want to meet up with me and cheat on Stanley because you’ve taken it into your head to dump Stanley and move in with me again.”
    “Wow,” Frank whispered around his coffee cup. “Nice sentence structure.”
    Jerry stammered, “Uh—”
    “Well said, dickhead.”
    “See?” Jerry said. “See? You’re just mad about last night. Trust me, Tom, I really think we should get togeth—”
    I hung up the phone. Softly. Calmly. Like an adult. Tee-hee.
    Frank was smiling. “You enjoyed that, didn’t you,” he said.
    I smiled back. “More than you’ll ever know.”
    Frank was just about to start on the New York Times crossword puzzle when I plucked the paper and pencil from his hand and pulled him off the sofa.
    “Get dressed,” I said. “We’re going shopping.”
    Frank looked surprised. “Shopping for what?”
    “Clothes. You can’t go on job interviews with those tight-ass blue jeans you wore last night. I won’t let you. We’re going to set the farm boy aside and make a city slicker out of you. Externally, anyway. Internally, I would appreciate you staying exactly the way you are. Okay?”
    He shrugged. “Okay. But I’m broke. I couldn’t buy a bagel.”
    “Don’t worry about that. We’ll figure something out.”
    “Which means you intend to spring for everything.”
    “Right. That’s what lovers do.”
    “Lovers,” Frank said, walking into my arms. “I like the sound of that.”
    My heart gave a little lurch of happiness when his arms slid around me. “Me too, Frank. I like it a lot.”
    He kissed my neck. “Can we at least keep track of the money you spend so I can pay you back as soon as I have a paycheck coming in?”
    “If you insist,” I said.
    “I do.” Frank cleared his throat. “And when we get home, we’re going to have a