She's Out of Control by Kristin Billerbeck Page B

for about two seconds, then the claws come out. I hope their babies look like rain-forest monkeys and call Arin back to her previous missionary lifestyle.
    I look around my room at the crisp white crown molding and the bright sunflower paint against the mix of antiques and Pottery Barn furniture. You know what? I have great taste. This room makes me happy. Seth just makes me nervous.
    That night after my brother’s wedding, when Seth came and swept me off my feet, I thought it would last forever. Now I’m pretty sure that nothing lasts forever except Jesus, and in the earthly realm, I’m better off with the solid foundation that is Palo Alto real estate. Authentic woodwork, and original hardwood floors, and a desirable zip code—be content in all circumstances, as Paul reminds us in the Bible. So I flop on my bed and put my hands behind my head. I’m content, I’m content, I tell myself until I fall asleep.
    Friday, after a day of not really being at work mentally and getting ready for Taiwan the next day, I arrive at Seth’s condominium anxious for my surprise, but cautious. I’m very cautious, unsure of what my answer will be if the question does turn out to be about marriage. The last time Seth “surprised” me was on Valentine’s Day, when I got a Lucite paperweight with a Scripture quote written inside it. Now my heart is pounding as I knock at the door. I’m dressed like I’m ready for anything, in an Ann Taylor tweed skirt with a chocolate suede blazer, so I can be considered casual or elegant depending upon what the moment calls for.
    Seth answers the door wearing holey jeans and a Stanford sweat-shirt. Not a good sign, and I feel my smile evaporate.
    â€œHi,” I say as enthusiastically as I can manage.
    â€œHi, yourself. Are you excited?” Seth asks.
    â€œShould I be?”
    â€œI think so. I waited weeks to find you the perfect match, and I’ve found it.”
    â€œThat’s very cryptic.”
    â€œAll the better to surprise you with, my lady.” He takes my hand, and helps me slip out of my suede jacket, which he hangs up in the closet.
    â€œIs anyone else here yet?”
    â€œBrea and John were waiting for the babysitter to get there. Kay’s on her way. I also invited Sam, Kevin, and Arin. I hope you don’t mind.”
    I think my heart just stopped. “You invited Kevin and Arin?”
    â€œThat’s okay, isn’t it?”
    â€œSince I don’t know what the surprise is, I guess I don’t know the answer to that question.”
    The doorbell rings. It’s Sam. Sam is big, burly, and constantly worried about where his next meal is coming from. Especially when he doesn’t have to pay for it. “Hey, Ash.” He nods a chin my way. If he was smaller, I’d check him for furry feet to see if he was a hobbit. “What’s for dinner, big guy?” Sam asks Seth.
    â€œI’m ordering pizzas.”
    Half of us are on Atkins, but I don’t mention that. Let’s all just have a gluten fiesta because I have a feeling carbs are going to be the least of my problems tonight.
    Kevin is the next to arrive, and he’s got a bouquet of peach-colored roses. “For the guest of honor.” He holds them out toward me and winks as I take them. Our gazes catch, and I pull mine away. Like the good, almost-engaged girl I am.
    â€œThank you,” I say, as I take the roses, careful to avoid further eye contact. “You must own stock in a florist.” Eye contact is very dangerous with a man who looks like Hugh Jackman and talks like a romantic lead. Kevin fulfills all my romantic fantasies, but none of my practical realities. He’s too perfect, and I think he’s looking for a breeder rather than a mate. This scares me and my astounding SAT scores: Chivalry is to men in Silicon Valley like manners are to the straight guy on TV.
    Kay comes to the door next, and she’s