healed, which is a big difference. I, as a minister of God, cannot forgive your sins, only God can. Confessing to me will not cause your sins to be forgiven, but it will be the first step in your healing.” John Martin smiled. “It’s my job to help heal, and another reason that I studied psychology—to better help and heal those who confess their sins to me.
“God knew, in his infinite wisdom, that being forgiven doesn’t always heal, people still suffer with their guilt and shame. It’s my job to help heal, my friend.” John Martin smiled warmly at Gavin in an attempt to give him confidence and trust.
Gavin nodded. “I grew up in an orphanage because my parents had more children than money. I was number nineteen and was sent to a Catholic orphanage as a month old infant. They treated me well enough—gave me food, clothing, Bible studies, but—no love, no physical affection. This caused me to grow up sensitive to anyone touching me… well not everyone, mostly attractive women, because it’s a physical reaction that I get.
“I married Sophie, the first girl I ever courted. Lucky for me, she was not virtuous, so we had relations before marriage, even though I knew it was wrong. All she had to do is was touch me and I was…crazy. Luckily, she enjoyed that part of our marriage, so there were no problems. After she’d had our son, she became ill. For months afterward she was ill, and we had no intimacy. It wasn’t too much of a problem, because I was busy teaching, and caring for her.
“Knowing my weakness, I was successful at staying away from any physical contact with women. I taught school, I went to a Protestant church and gave my life to Christ one night in church, and thought that it would solve my problem. And for a time, it did—until I met Violet.
“Miles Croft wants to report my behavior to the school council, but my problem never triggers itself there. It’s like the only place where my mind is focused on what I love most—teaching. Children touching me, does not affect me at all.
“Violet—she’s beautiful, petite, graceful, and has the sweetest voice and personality. I fell in love with her, but still kept my physical distance, because I knew that with her, I’d lose any strength I had. We worked closely together while planning the camp, and I took her to dinner every time I was in Abilene. I fell hard for her, and put much time and money into the relationship. I felt that she might want more from the arrangement, but I knew that I just couldn’t. But one night she kissed my cheek, and I nearly lost it. I prayed as hard as I could and was able to keep myself under control, but decided it was time to propose. I did, and she refused. She said she couldn’t marry a man she hadn’t even kissed. What was I to do?”
John Martin nodded in understanding.
“So one day at the caves, near the camp, I held her hand—it felt so soft, and…well…I felt tempted, but fought it. Then she stumbled, and would have fallen had I not caught her, but in so doing, I touched her bosom. That drove me over the line; I went crazy. It had been years since I’d touched a woman’s bosom, and I couldn't help myself, especially with a woman I loved so ardently. I scared her pretty badly. She forgave me, but she isn’t forgetting.
“So now I’m desperate. I have to marry this woman. I was drawn to her, and when I had her alone the last day at camp, I gave her a chance to say she’d marry me, then, I decided to force her hand,” Gavin hung his head. “I’m not proud of what I did. I physically attacked her again. I held her mouth so she couldn’t scream and wake the whole camp. I had her on the ground, and I kissed and groped her, but I had no intention of going any further, I swear—I was just trying to get her to agree to marry me. I told her I’d stop only if she agreed to marry me. I wouldn’t have gone further—at least
“God knew, in his infinite wisdom, that being forgiven doesn’t always heal, people still suffer with their guilt and shame. It’s my job to help heal, my friend.” John Martin smiled warmly at Gavin in an attempt to give him confidence and trust.
Gavin nodded. “I grew up in an orphanage because my parents had more children than money. I was number nineteen and was sent to a Catholic orphanage as a month old infant. They treated me well enough—gave me food, clothing, Bible studies, but—no love, no physical affection. This caused me to grow up sensitive to anyone touching me… well not everyone, mostly attractive women, because it’s a physical reaction that I get.
“I married Sophie, the first girl I ever courted. Lucky for me, she was not virtuous, so we had relations before marriage, even though I knew it was wrong. All she had to do is was touch me and I was…crazy. Luckily, she enjoyed that part of our marriage, so there were no problems. After she’d had our son, she became ill. For months afterward she was ill, and we had no intimacy. It wasn’t too much of a problem, because I was busy teaching, and caring for her.
“Knowing my weakness, I was successful at staying away from any physical contact with women. I taught school, I went to a Protestant church and gave my life to Christ one night in church, and thought that it would solve my problem. And for a time, it did—until I met Violet.
“Miles Croft wants to report my behavior to the school council, but my problem never triggers itself there. It’s like the only place where my mind is focused on what I love most—teaching. Children touching me, does not affect me at all.
“Violet—she’s beautiful, petite, graceful, and has the sweetest voice and personality. I fell in love with her, but still kept my physical distance, because I knew that with her, I’d lose any strength I had. We worked closely together while planning the camp, and I took her to dinner every time I was in Abilene. I fell hard for her, and put much time and money into the relationship. I felt that she might want more from the arrangement, but I knew that I just couldn’t. But one night she kissed my cheek, and I nearly lost it. I prayed as hard as I could and was able to keep myself under control, but decided it was time to propose. I did, and she refused. She said she couldn’t marry a man she hadn’t even kissed. What was I to do?”
John Martin nodded in understanding.
“So one day at the caves, near the camp, I held her hand—it felt so soft, and…well…I felt tempted, but fought it. Then she stumbled, and would have fallen had I not caught her, but in so doing, I touched her bosom. That drove me over the line; I went crazy. It had been years since I’d touched a woman’s bosom, and I couldn't help myself, especially with a woman I loved so ardently. I scared her pretty badly. She forgave me, but she isn’t forgetting.
“So now I’m desperate. I have to marry this woman. I was drawn to her, and when I had her alone the last day at camp, I gave her a chance to say she’d marry me, then, I decided to force her hand,” Gavin hung his head. “I’m not proud of what I did. I physically attacked her again. I held her mouth so she couldn’t scream and wake the whole camp. I had her on the ground, and I kissed and groped her, but I had no intention of going any further, I swear—I was just trying to get her to agree to marry me. I told her I’d stop only if she agreed to marry me. I wouldn’t have gone further—at least
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