Shadow of Death by Yolonda Tonette Sanders Page B

want to hear from you again. Next time I might not let go.” He backed out the door, hopped in his vehicle, and sped away.
    Troy drove around with no real destination in mind. His concern was Natalie and where she could be at the moment. He tried calling her several times. He wanted, no, he needed to hear her voice. He knew she was devastated and he wanted to be the one there wiping her tears. For the first time since they’d been married, Troy thought he would lose her. He remembered the pain of when she’d walked out of his life once when they were dating. It wasn’t because of infidelity, but because he had been stupid and afraid to admit to her, or even himself, how much Natalie meant to him. He wasn’t scared now. He’d tell anyone who’d listen how special she was to him. More than anything, he’d tell her.
    There were a few calls that came in from the office that Troy ignored. Part of him felt bad for doing so. What if they were leads to a case? Troy loved his job and often took his cases personally. He didn’t have the right mindset to help anyone at this moment when his own life was falling apart. Selfish or not, he simply couldn’t do it. He didn’t feel like a cop today. He felt like a failure.
    Frustrated that he had no idea where to find Natalie and crushed that she wasn’t answering his calls, Troy found himself pulling into the parking lot of the rehabilitation residential facility. The last time he was here, he’d been working a case and was desperate to find answers then. Now, he was desperate for another reason. The generally stoic detective, who cringed anytime one of his buddies got too emotional, was in need of a heart-to-heart. He knew he was about to share his feelings with someone who could understand. Troy took a deep breath and removed his suit jacket before going in.
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    Natalie stared at the white ceiling of the hotel room, fighting the negative voice telling her that Troy’s infidelity was inevitable. “You, of all people should know better. You were a whore. You slept with married men. You’re getting back exactly what you deserve. Did you really think you would have a marriage that would last happily ever after?”
    She couldn’t deny her past. Had she been silly enough to think that because she now believed in Jesus and tried to live her life as morally right as possible that all would be forgiven? She’d never known pain this deep, not even when she was forced to give Corrine up for adoption and learned to stuff her feelings. Natalie had been a child then. Now, as an adult, this thing with Troy hurt worse than she could ever imagine. It was partly her fault because she’d allowed herself to be vulnerable by fully loving and trusting him.
    â€œYou should just give up,” the voice in her head told her. “Life isn’t worth living anymore. Your husband made a fool of you.”
    Life isn’t worth living… Natalie let that thought linger longer than it should have. Would she really sink that low over a man? There’s only one other time in Natalie’s life that she could recall having such thoughts and, ironically, Troy played a factor then, too. It was when they were dating and got into a bad argument about their future together. She wanted one. He didn’t. Though the thought continued tormenting her, something would not allow Natalie to internalize it. Her life wasn’t about her anymore. She was a mother and, no matter how bad things got for her, she wasn’t going to do something foolish to herself that would hurt her children. Troy wasn’t worth it. Besides, if Natalie weren’t around, her babies would be left in the care of Troy and his tramp! There was no way in the world that she would let that happen.
    Yeah, maybe Natalie did deserve this after all she’d done in her past. Okay, so life sucks. That’s been the story of her