ugly.’
‘Give me a break.’
‘It’s easy for you to say, with that cherub face of yours.’
‘It doesn’t matter one damn bit what you look like.’
‘Yeah, right.’
Jesper looked utterly hopeless. He put his head in his hands and sighed. Kristoffer finished his coffee and shoved his cup away. If only it had been him. Maybe he should write a novel himself. If Jesper could get his published, he could manage it too.
‘It’s obvious that I want the book to be read by as many people as possible, obviously I want that, that’s why I wrote it. Because I want something. But I didn’t think about what it would really involve. You know me, I can’t cope with beingthe centre of attention. This was my way to try and say something anyway. I simply don’t fit as a brand name. The people I met at the publishing company, I told them the truth, that I didn’t know if I could handle a lot of interviews and stuff like that.’
‘So what did they say?’
‘They didn’t exactly jump for joy.’
‘Well, shit, there must be some other way.’
‘I knew they were disappointed when they met me. They were so positive on the phone after they’d read the book, but that was before they met me.’
Kristoffer stopped arguing with him and they sat quietly for a moment. He tried in vain to silence the thought that the publishers’ reaction was a relief to him. Desperately he struggled to shove the envy back into the rubbish-heap it had crawled out of, because what sort of person reacted the way he had done? In an attempt to pull himself together he reached out and patted his friend’s hand. The gesture was so unlike him that Jesper gave a start at the touch.
‘I’m sure it will all turn out fine.’
Kristoffer pulled back his hand and smiled.
‘Shit, I know a real author!’
But the words only intensified his envy. He had always been the one who was more successful; their respective roles had been well-established. Their entire friendship hinged on those unwritten rules, but now the balance had been disturbed. He wanted to go home and keep working on his play, see to it that every critic would end up prostrate with rapture.
‘You’ll have to think of another way to promote the book. Do something that nobody has ever done, so the book gets attention even if you don’t put in an appearance.’
If you think it’s too much trouble, he wanted to add, but didn’t.
‘What would that be?’
‘I don’t know, you’ll have to think about it.’
* * *
They said goodbye out on the street, and Kristoffer headed off to buy groceries. He was weighed down by guilt, a despicable person who was incapable of being happy for a friend. The goodness and competence he had always striven for had at the slightest provocation yielded to the selfish instincts that belonged to a second-rate nature. He knew so well that moral value does not come from desire but from duty. And yet he had failed. In an attempt to rectify it he began to mull over Jesper’s dilemma, trying to think of what would make the media notice the book. Inside the supermarket he stopped in front of the magazine racks and read the headlines: I slept with 4,000 women / Booze, sex and total decadence – we were there / Get rich with file-sharing / Sin, gambling and strippers / We can only say Wow! when hot Emma takes off her wet blouse inside / Win a computer! Download all the porn you want!
Kristoffer sighed. Since he was a man and the headlines were aimed at men, he felt humiliated. That just because he was a man he was expected to be an idiot. It wasn’t that he had anything against naked women. Even though he wasn’t proud of it, he did have some well-thumbed magazines in his flat. He lived alone, what was he supposed to do? But he found it insulting that his lowest instincts were appealed to without finesse. He picked up one of the magazines and looked at the masthead. Nothing but men in editorial. He wondered who these men were. Why had they no higher
‘Give me a break.’
‘It’s easy for you to say, with that cherub face of yours.’
‘It doesn’t matter one damn bit what you look like.’
‘Yeah, right.’
Jesper looked utterly hopeless. He put his head in his hands and sighed. Kristoffer finished his coffee and shoved his cup away. If only it had been him. Maybe he should write a novel himself. If Jesper could get his published, he could manage it too.
‘It’s obvious that I want the book to be read by as many people as possible, obviously I want that, that’s why I wrote it. Because I want something. But I didn’t think about what it would really involve. You know me, I can’t cope with beingthe centre of attention. This was my way to try and say something anyway. I simply don’t fit as a brand name. The people I met at the publishing company, I told them the truth, that I didn’t know if I could handle a lot of interviews and stuff like that.’
‘So what did they say?’
‘They didn’t exactly jump for joy.’
‘Well, shit, there must be some other way.’
‘I knew they were disappointed when they met me. They were so positive on the phone after they’d read the book, but that was before they met me.’
Kristoffer stopped arguing with him and they sat quietly for a moment. He tried in vain to silence the thought that the publishers’ reaction was a relief to him. Desperately he struggled to shove the envy back into the rubbish-heap it had crawled out of, because what sort of person reacted the way he had done? In an attempt to pull himself together he reached out and patted his friend’s hand. The gesture was so unlike him that Jesper gave a start at the touch.
‘I’m sure it will all turn out fine.’
Kristoffer pulled back his hand and smiled.
‘Shit, I know a real author!’
But the words only intensified his envy. He had always been the one who was more successful; their respective roles had been well-established. Their entire friendship hinged on those unwritten rules, but now the balance had been disturbed. He wanted to go home and keep working on his play, see to it that every critic would end up prostrate with rapture.
‘You’ll have to think of another way to promote the book. Do something that nobody has ever done, so the book gets attention even if you don’t put in an appearance.’
If you think it’s too much trouble, he wanted to add, but didn’t.
‘What would that be?’
‘I don’t know, you’ll have to think about it.’
* * *
They said goodbye out on the street, and Kristoffer headed off to buy groceries. He was weighed down by guilt, a despicable person who was incapable of being happy for a friend. The goodness and competence he had always striven for had at the slightest provocation yielded to the selfish instincts that belonged to a second-rate nature. He knew so well that moral value does not come from desire but from duty. And yet he had failed. In an attempt to rectify it he began to mull over Jesper’s dilemma, trying to think of what would make the media notice the book. Inside the supermarket he stopped in front of the magazine racks and read the headlines: I slept with 4,000 women / Booze, sex and total decadence – we were there / Get rich with file-sharing / Sin, gambling and strippers / We can only say Wow! when hot Emma takes off her wet blouse inside / Win a computer! Download all the porn you want!
Kristoffer sighed. Since he was a man and the headlines were aimed at men, he felt humiliated. That just because he was a man he was expected to be an idiot. It wasn’t that he had anything against naked women. Even though he wasn’t proud of it, he did have some well-thumbed magazines in his flat. He lived alone, what was he supposed to do? But he found it insulting that his lowest instincts were appealed to without finesse. He picked up one of the magazines and looked at the masthead. Nothing but men in editorial. He wondered who these men were. Why had they no higher
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