in the ass, two small bottles of Volvic water and a box of six Sees Chocolates and thanks for the thousand dollars a night.
My friend Joe Cocker was getting the full treatment; some wine, a specially-made fruit bowl and two large bottles of Volvic water. I put the fruit bowl together and then chose the best brand of red wine I could find and placed two bottles of water with it, on the tray. Before I left the butler’s pantry, I called down to the front desk and asked if Mr. Cocker had checked in. “No, not yet,” was the answer.
I made my way up the hill to the villa assigned to Joe, carrying the wine, water and fruit bowl on a tray. Working the villas was a fun job because most of the celebrities stayed there. The guests liked the spacious rooms of the villas better than the small suites in the hotel. But the villas were well-spaced across the hotel’s grounds and had many long staircases to climb, before actually getting to the room, so it was almost always a long walk. Most times I had to carry a tray with at least a two dinners on my shoulder
This villa was an especially long walk up a hill, leaving my shoulder aching. I got to the villa assigned to Joe Cocker and removed the butler keys from my pants pocket. I finally unlocked the door and hurried in.
I opened the door as fast as I could and hustled into the living room, yelling, “It’s your butler,” as we were instructed to do when entering any of the hotel’s rooms. I got to a table and place the tray on it, when Joe Cocker suddenly appeared in the bedroom doorway, wearing only a pair of white jockey shorts. His hair was a mess and he looked like I had just awakened him from sleeping.
I suddenly felt caught, Joe was standing there in his underwear, mumbling groggily, “What’s happening? How did..?” At the same time I was stammering “I… They told me… I thought…. I have some amenities for you.” Joe was trying to focus; obviously he had just arrived and was a bit jet-lagged. He mumbled his thanks, and stumbled back into the bedroom. I apologized to him as he left -- it was very embarrassing.
This didn’t happen often but it did and it could have been avoided. One time I entered a room with a guy from housekeeping, over some issue. When we went inside, the housekeeping guy didn’t announce himself. I figured that he had recently been in the room and knew it was empty. We started to enter the bedroom of the suite when the housekeeping guy, who was leading me, stopped abruptly and started to speak someone I couldn’t see already in the bedroom. “I’m sorry… I didn’t know anyone was here… Excuse me, we’ll just leave…” But rather than leaving, this housekeeping guy, just stood apologizing to a person inside the bedroom and telling them that we were going to leave -- but he wasn’t leaving. Thinking fast, I reached over and dragged the housekeeper out by his the jacket. In the hall, after I asked him what had happened, he told me that there was a guest in there and we had walked in as the guy was in the middle of pleasuring himself. “He was cute, he shouldn’t have to do that alone,” the gay housekeeper added.
When I finally got down to the front desk, I asked why they didn’t tell me that Joe Cocker had checked in. The wise-ass desk clerk said, “Really, what’s the big problem? So you walked in on Joe Cocker in his underwear?” I replied something that I knew would be true, “I’m never going to get that picture out of my mind.” And yes, I haven’t -- actually, I’ve cringed through this writing and once even vomited in my mouth. Some things stay with you for all your life -- like Joe Cocker in his underwear.
The Time I Told Roger Ebert “I Loved You”
F or the last twenty years my Sunday nights have all been mostly spent the same way; watching Siskel & Ebert, going into 60 Minutes and followed by The Simpsons. Sure, there were other shows after, but those three shows were my “must-see-TV” for the week.
My friend Joe Cocker was getting the full treatment; some wine, a specially-made fruit bowl and two large bottles of Volvic water. I put the fruit bowl together and then chose the best brand of red wine I could find and placed two bottles of water with it, on the tray. Before I left the butler’s pantry, I called down to the front desk and asked if Mr. Cocker had checked in. “No, not yet,” was the answer.
I made my way up the hill to the villa assigned to Joe, carrying the wine, water and fruit bowl on a tray. Working the villas was a fun job because most of the celebrities stayed there. The guests liked the spacious rooms of the villas better than the small suites in the hotel. But the villas were well-spaced across the hotel’s grounds and had many long staircases to climb, before actually getting to the room, so it was almost always a long walk. Most times I had to carry a tray with at least a two dinners on my shoulder
This villa was an especially long walk up a hill, leaving my shoulder aching. I got to the villa assigned to Joe Cocker and removed the butler keys from my pants pocket. I finally unlocked the door and hurried in.
I opened the door as fast as I could and hustled into the living room, yelling, “It’s your butler,” as we were instructed to do when entering any of the hotel’s rooms. I got to a table and place the tray on it, when Joe Cocker suddenly appeared in the bedroom doorway, wearing only a pair of white jockey shorts. His hair was a mess and he looked like I had just awakened him from sleeping.
I suddenly felt caught, Joe was standing there in his underwear, mumbling groggily, “What’s happening? How did..?” At the same time I was stammering “I… They told me… I thought…. I have some amenities for you.” Joe was trying to focus; obviously he had just arrived and was a bit jet-lagged. He mumbled his thanks, and stumbled back into the bedroom. I apologized to him as he left -- it was very embarrassing.
This didn’t happen often but it did and it could have been avoided. One time I entered a room with a guy from housekeeping, over some issue. When we went inside, the housekeeping guy didn’t announce himself. I figured that he had recently been in the room and knew it was empty. We started to enter the bedroom of the suite when the housekeeping guy, who was leading me, stopped abruptly and started to speak someone I couldn’t see already in the bedroom. “I’m sorry… I didn’t know anyone was here… Excuse me, we’ll just leave…” But rather than leaving, this housekeeping guy, just stood apologizing to a person inside the bedroom and telling them that we were going to leave -- but he wasn’t leaving. Thinking fast, I reached over and dragged the housekeeper out by his the jacket. In the hall, after I asked him what had happened, he told me that there was a guest in there and we had walked in as the guy was in the middle of pleasuring himself. “He was cute, he shouldn’t have to do that alone,” the gay housekeeper added.
When I finally got down to the front desk, I asked why they didn’t tell me that Joe Cocker had checked in. The wise-ass desk clerk said, “Really, what’s the big problem? So you walked in on Joe Cocker in his underwear?” I replied something that I knew would be true, “I’m never going to get that picture out of my mind.” And yes, I haven’t -- actually, I’ve cringed through this writing and once even vomited in my mouth. Some things stay with you for all your life -- like Joe Cocker in his underwear.
The Time I Told Roger Ebert “I Loved You”
F or the last twenty years my Sunday nights have all been mostly spent the same way; watching Siskel & Ebert, going into 60 Minutes and followed by The Simpsons. Sure, there were other shows after, but those three shows were my “must-see-TV” for the week.
Similar Books
