– I’m thinking that I can’t stand up to him.
But then I get my head on straight. I mean, this guy has been ripping us off. This guy was some kind of pervert who likes little boys. This scumbag has tried to tear my whole life apart. And the only thing coming into my head is that I need to take care of Charlie. That my pops couldn’t protect me… but now
I
gotta protect him, right?
I could see from his eyes that this guy could kill me. Probably wouldn’t care two shakes if he did. But I had already decided I wasn’t going to let him, you know? I mean, I eat fire, right? There’s no trap I can’t escape from. No pain I’m afraid of, right? Nothing that worries me! And I realise that my whole life, everything I am, means that I’d rather go down fighting than just lie down and die.
All this – I mean this whole thing I’m telling you about – just happens in seconds, right? Like it’s all right there in my head while we are standing there in the lights, staring each other down. I can’t hear anything. I can’t see anything.It’s like there’s nothing else there, right? I even forgot I’d sent you off to get help. I forgot Charlie and Murphy, and the other carnies, too. There was nothing in the world but him and me, facing each other. And we were going to be playing for keeps. It felt like the fate of the world was in my hands.
So then, he’s like, ‘What do you want, kid?’
And I don’t miss a beat, right? I answer him right back, loud and clear. ‘You don’t call me kid, Frank,’ I told him.
I guess he didn’t think I’d talk back to him like that. Maybe he thought I’d back down. And he doesn’t seem to like it one bit that I’m standing up to him because it’s a moment before he answers me. ‘I hear you’ve been looking for me,’ he said.
‘I want the truth, Frank,’ I told him, with no playing around. ‘The whole thing. All of it! Everything you know.’
‘Well, now,’ he said, running his hand along his unshaved jaw, ‘that’s a lot to talk about.’ He’s kind of smiling now, because he thinks he has me. ‘If you want to talk to me about running your show, then there’s quite a bit you could learn from me, kid.’
‘I’m no kid, you son of a bitch,’ I spit out at him. His smile stops right there, it does. ‘I want to hear what you’ve been saying to Charlie.’
He’s not smiling now, let me tell you. ‘You do, do you?’ he asked me. ‘Maybe you’d rather know what everyone else has been saying about your Charlie. About you and your stupid show.’
‘I already know what they’re saying,’ I told him straight out. ‘I also know that it’s just what you’ve been telling them. And that you’re a liar.’ I take a breath, then, to cool down before dropping the bomb on him. ‘I know you were with the show before. Charlie told me everything.’
Frank gets a little pale at this. He’sprobably figuring Charlie spilled to me, and he’s trying to guess exactly how much I know, right? I can see him licking his lips, getting scared. He takes a step towards me, but I stand my ground.
‘Charlie tells me you’ve been taking money from him,’ I told him. ‘And that means you’re robbing everyone else on the show.’
Frank spits in the dust. ‘Tell you that, did he?’ He was grinding his teeth. ‘He also tell you I was there when he killed your momma?’
If he was trying to shock me, he was dead wrong. I could read him like I read a tip. All I had to do was push him the right way and he’d admit everything. ‘He told me that’s what you said,’ I answered. ‘But, see, I don’t think you were there.’ Frank’s jaw stopped working.
‘See, Frank,’ I continued, ‘I think if you’d been there, if you’d really seen something, you would have gone singing to the sheriffright off. I think you were already gone from the lot by then, because you figured out my folks knew what you’d done… to me.’ Frank went even paler, if that was possible.
But then I get my head on straight. I mean, this guy has been ripping us off. This guy was some kind of pervert who likes little boys. This scumbag has tried to tear my whole life apart. And the only thing coming into my head is that I need to take care of Charlie. That my pops couldn’t protect me… but now
I
gotta protect him, right?
I could see from his eyes that this guy could kill me. Probably wouldn’t care two shakes if he did. But I had already decided I wasn’t going to let him, you know? I mean, I eat fire, right? There’s no trap I can’t escape from. No pain I’m afraid of, right? Nothing that worries me! And I realise that my whole life, everything I am, means that I’d rather go down fighting than just lie down and die.
All this – I mean this whole thing I’m telling you about – just happens in seconds, right? Like it’s all right there in my head while we are standing there in the lights, staring each other down. I can’t hear anything. I can’t see anything.It’s like there’s nothing else there, right? I even forgot I’d sent you off to get help. I forgot Charlie and Murphy, and the other carnies, too. There was nothing in the world but him and me, facing each other. And we were going to be playing for keeps. It felt like the fate of the world was in my hands.
So then, he’s like, ‘What do you want, kid?’
And I don’t miss a beat, right? I answer him right back, loud and clear. ‘You don’t call me kid, Frank,’ I told him.
I guess he didn’t think I’d talk back to him like that. Maybe he thought I’d back down. And he doesn’t seem to like it one bit that I’m standing up to him because it’s a moment before he answers me. ‘I hear you’ve been looking for me,’ he said.
‘I want the truth, Frank,’ I told him, with no playing around. ‘The whole thing. All of it! Everything you know.’
‘Well, now,’ he said, running his hand along his unshaved jaw, ‘that’s a lot to talk about.’ He’s kind of smiling now, because he thinks he has me. ‘If you want to talk to me about running your show, then there’s quite a bit you could learn from me, kid.’
‘I’m no kid, you son of a bitch,’ I spit out at him. His smile stops right there, it does. ‘I want to hear what you’ve been saying to Charlie.’
He’s not smiling now, let me tell you. ‘You do, do you?’ he asked me. ‘Maybe you’d rather know what everyone else has been saying about your Charlie. About you and your stupid show.’
‘I already know what they’re saying,’ I told him straight out. ‘I also know that it’s just what you’ve been telling them. And that you’re a liar.’ I take a breath, then, to cool down before dropping the bomb on him. ‘I know you were with the show before. Charlie told me everything.’
Frank gets a little pale at this. He’sprobably figuring Charlie spilled to me, and he’s trying to guess exactly how much I know, right? I can see him licking his lips, getting scared. He takes a step towards me, but I stand my ground.
‘Charlie tells me you’ve been taking money from him,’ I told him. ‘And that means you’re robbing everyone else on the show.’
Frank spits in the dust. ‘Tell you that, did he?’ He was grinding his teeth. ‘He also tell you I was there when he killed your momma?’
If he was trying to shock me, he was dead wrong. I could read him like I read a tip. All I had to do was push him the right way and he’d admit everything. ‘He told me that’s what you said,’ I answered. ‘But, see, I don’t think you were there.’ Frank’s jaw stopped working.
‘See, Frank,’ I continued, ‘I think if you’d been there, if you’d really seen something, you would have gone singing to the sheriffright off. I think you were already gone from the lot by then, because you figured out my folks knew what you’d done… to me.’ Frank went even paler, if that was possible.
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