ears and mouths. Their eyes were still alive, still suffering. I remembered names . . . Laura Lye, the water elemental assassin known as the Liquidator. Mad Frankie Phantasm. And the Blue Fairy, who had been my friend, my ally, and my enemy. Half Drood and half elf, and never sure which was his true nature. In the end, he guessed wrong. My relatives have always found it hard to forgive those who betray them.
I led the way back across one of the biggest lawns, where once anarmy of Accelerated Men had come spilling onto the grounds to attack us, through a dimensional Gate opened by our worst enemies, the Immortals. It seemed to me I could still see the ghosts of dark figures, running straight at the Drood defenders, superhumanly fast and strong, burning themselves out just to get at us. Used by the Immortals as supercharged attack dogs. Hundreds of Accelerated Men died on this open ground, lied to and betrayed, sacrificed on the altar of our enemies’ hatred. We killed them all. We had to.
“So much fighting,” I said finally. “So much blood and death on these grounds, and so few picnics and pleasant walks. That’s the Drood life for you.”
“You never cared much for picnics, or walks of any kind,” said Molly. “You were always more interested in a pie and a pint at the pub, or a good book in a comfy chair.”
“I might have developed a taste for such things if I’d had the time,” I said. “We were always so busy, always in such a hurry . . .”
“I could conjure us up a picnic hamper,” said Molly. “If you like. We never did get our Christmas meal. We could just sit down here, take a break . . .”
“No,” I said. “I’m not hungry right now. Maybe later.”
It occurred to me that I had to stop saying that. Stop putting things off. Because all too soon there wouldn’t be a later. A sudden horror took me, a despair at being caught in a trap with no escape, no way out. Trapped in a body that had turned against me. My heart lurched in my chest at the sheer unfairness of it all, and for a moment I couldn’t get my breath. Molly saw the panic rising in my face. She moved in close, placing her hands on my chest and murmuring comforting words until I had control again. I nodded slowly and smiled my thanks to her.
“Live in the moment,” I said. My voice sounded harsh, even to me. “I can do this. I have to do this. I’ve been close to death before; it comes with the job . . . Why does it bother me so much now?” I looked at Molly and knew why. “Because now I’m not just losing me; I’m losing you.”
We walked on, together.
“We never did get married,” I said after a while.
“I never asked you,” said Molly.
“I could have said something,” I said. “There would have been problems with my family, but . . .”
“Eddie, I never wanted it.” Her voice was firm. “I never felt the need. We had each other, and that was all that mattered.” She stopped suddenly, so I stopped with her. She looked at me. “I said
had . . .
Like it’s already over. I won’t accept that. I’ll never accept that.”
“At the end,” I said, “if it gets bad . . . I don’t want you around me. If I do end up dying by inches in some hospital bed . . . I don’t want you to see me like that.”
“I’ll never leave you,” said Molly. “You’ll always be my Eddie. Do you really think I’m that shallow?”
“I don’t want you sitting at my bedside, watching me die,” I said. “You shouldn’t have to go through that. I wouldn’t do it for you. I couldn’t . . . A man should die on his own. It’s the last important thing he has to do; he should be left alone, to concentrate on getting it right.”
“You do talk crap sometimes,” said Molly. “You know damned well you can’t do anything practical without me there to help.”
“Of course,” I said. “What was I thinking? The two of us, together . . . Not forever, after all. But together till the
I led the way back across one of the biggest lawns, where once anarmy of Accelerated Men had come spilling onto the grounds to attack us, through a dimensional Gate opened by our worst enemies, the Immortals. It seemed to me I could still see the ghosts of dark figures, running straight at the Drood defenders, superhumanly fast and strong, burning themselves out just to get at us. Used by the Immortals as supercharged attack dogs. Hundreds of Accelerated Men died on this open ground, lied to and betrayed, sacrificed on the altar of our enemies’ hatred. We killed them all. We had to.
“So much fighting,” I said finally. “So much blood and death on these grounds, and so few picnics and pleasant walks. That’s the Drood life for you.”
“You never cared much for picnics, or walks of any kind,” said Molly. “You were always more interested in a pie and a pint at the pub, or a good book in a comfy chair.”
“I might have developed a taste for such things if I’d had the time,” I said. “We were always so busy, always in such a hurry . . .”
“I could conjure us up a picnic hamper,” said Molly. “If you like. We never did get our Christmas meal. We could just sit down here, take a break . . .”
“No,” I said. “I’m not hungry right now. Maybe later.”
It occurred to me that I had to stop saying that. Stop putting things off. Because all too soon there wouldn’t be a later. A sudden horror took me, a despair at being caught in a trap with no escape, no way out. Trapped in a body that had turned against me. My heart lurched in my chest at the sheer unfairness of it all, and for a moment I couldn’t get my breath. Molly saw the panic rising in my face. She moved in close, placing her hands on my chest and murmuring comforting words until I had control again. I nodded slowly and smiled my thanks to her.
“Live in the moment,” I said. My voice sounded harsh, even to me. “I can do this. I have to do this. I’ve been close to death before; it comes with the job . . . Why does it bother me so much now?” I looked at Molly and knew why. “Because now I’m not just losing me; I’m losing you.”
We walked on, together.
“We never did get married,” I said after a while.
“I never asked you,” said Molly.
“I could have said something,” I said. “There would have been problems with my family, but . . .”
“Eddie, I never wanted it.” Her voice was firm. “I never felt the need. We had each other, and that was all that mattered.” She stopped suddenly, so I stopped with her. She looked at me. “I said
had . . .
Like it’s already over. I won’t accept that. I’ll never accept that.”
“At the end,” I said, “if it gets bad . . . I don’t want you around me. If I do end up dying by inches in some hospital bed . . . I don’t want you to see me like that.”
“I’ll never leave you,” said Molly. “You’ll always be my Eddie. Do you really think I’m that shallow?”
“I don’t want you sitting at my bedside, watching me die,” I said. “You shouldn’t have to go through that. I wouldn’t do it for you. I couldn’t . . . A man should die on his own. It’s the last important thing he has to do; he should be left alone, to concentrate on getting it right.”
“You do talk crap sometimes,” said Molly. “You know damned well you can’t do anything practical without me there to help.”
“Of course,” I said. “What was I thinking? The two of us, together . . . Not forever, after all. But together till the
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