must have felt the tension in me. Because he pressed his lips to mine one more time then drew back.
“Antonio,” I started, my voice low and raspy at first. “What—” He brought a finger up and put it over my lips to make me be quiet.
“Shh. It’s okay. I just wanted to see. It’s okay. I know you have Brian, but I just had to know….” He looked confused and sad.
“Know what?” I asked, shaking off the finger on my lips.
“Know what it felt like. Know what you felt like,” he said, resignation in his voice.
“And?” I was curious but almost afraid to hear the answer.
He shrugged and I saw his eyes close and his face shut down. He started to move away but I wasn’t going to let something like that pass without knowing what the fuck was going on in his head. My very straight best friend kissed me? Oh hell no.
I jumped up off the table and grabbed his wrist to stop him. I pulled him around and stood there face-to-face with him and didn’t let him go.
“I asked you how it felt. But Antonio, what were you thinking? What were you doing?” I demanded.
He stood there and looked me eye to eye. I had to give him credit for that, because had the situations been switched, I think I would’ve hauled ass for the hills. It wasn’t that I was mad, just surprised. I was attracted to him and had known that for years. So did he. But I would never have cheated on Brian, first of all. And second, Antonio was straight.
“I wanted to see what the big deal was. You’re my best friend and I love you. And I know you’re with Brian, but I just had to know what it was like to kiss you. To be with you that way. It didn’t mean anything. Please, Mark, don’t let it mean anything bad. I just wanted to know,” he whispered.
“Antonio, I’m not mad. Dude, I love you too. But you aren’t into guys. I mean, you haven’t ever been with one before, have you? You said no, before, but have you?” I asked.
“No, I haven’t ever had sex with a dude. Well, other than….” He blushed. “Never even kissed one for real until tonight. Shit, Mark, I never even wanted to before really other than you.” His eyes begged me to believe him and to let it go.
Not going to happen.
“So do you think you might be bi now? Is it because of doing the massages? Seeing all those guys naked and you just got curious? And maybe I’m just safe because you know me? Help me out some here, man.” I really wanted to understand.
“No, man. I see guys naked all the time and never wanted to do anything with them. And really, man, fuck, you ain’t the safe one. You’re my best friend and I don’t want to fuck up anything. I know I’m not the best friend in the world, and you already had to bail my ass out once, so, man, please. Tell me I didn’t fuck anything up,” he pleaded.
“Of course you didn’t. Antonio, it was only a little kiss. It didn’t mean anything. I’m okay, and you’re okay. So don’t worry about it. Got it?” I told him.
He looked at me, searched in my eyes to really make sure it was all good. Whatever he saw there seemed to reassure him, and his shoulders dropped and the tension left his body. I looked down and saw I was still holding his wrist hard, where I’d grabbed him to keep him there.
“Okay, Mark, okay,” he breathed. I pulled him against me into a hug, and felt the tension grip him again. But I didn’t let go and, after a minute, he hugged me back. A full-blown, full-body hug that told me in that moment more than what his mouth had danced around.
He cared about me, probably more than he should, and I didn’t know what to do with it. But he was my best friend, and I damn well would figure it out. He was as damn confused about this as I was. We got dressed and met back in the den.
We had another glass of wine and sat there on his couch, mostly in silence. But it was a comfortable silence, and that was fine. There wasn’t a lot to say right then, and I had to work the next day so I got all my
“Antonio,” I started, my voice low and raspy at first. “What—” He brought a finger up and put it over my lips to make me be quiet.
“Shh. It’s okay. I just wanted to see. It’s okay. I know you have Brian, but I just had to know….” He looked confused and sad.
“Know what?” I asked, shaking off the finger on my lips.
“Know what it felt like. Know what you felt like,” he said, resignation in his voice.
“And?” I was curious but almost afraid to hear the answer.
He shrugged and I saw his eyes close and his face shut down. He started to move away but I wasn’t going to let something like that pass without knowing what the fuck was going on in his head. My very straight best friend kissed me? Oh hell no.
I jumped up off the table and grabbed his wrist to stop him. I pulled him around and stood there face-to-face with him and didn’t let him go.
“I asked you how it felt. But Antonio, what were you thinking? What were you doing?” I demanded.
He stood there and looked me eye to eye. I had to give him credit for that, because had the situations been switched, I think I would’ve hauled ass for the hills. It wasn’t that I was mad, just surprised. I was attracted to him and had known that for years. So did he. But I would never have cheated on Brian, first of all. And second, Antonio was straight.
“I wanted to see what the big deal was. You’re my best friend and I love you. And I know you’re with Brian, but I just had to know what it was like to kiss you. To be with you that way. It didn’t mean anything. Please, Mark, don’t let it mean anything bad. I just wanted to know,” he whispered.
“Antonio, I’m not mad. Dude, I love you too. But you aren’t into guys. I mean, you haven’t ever been with one before, have you? You said no, before, but have you?” I asked.
“No, I haven’t ever had sex with a dude. Well, other than….” He blushed. “Never even kissed one for real until tonight. Shit, Mark, I never even wanted to before really other than you.” His eyes begged me to believe him and to let it go.
Not going to happen.
“So do you think you might be bi now? Is it because of doing the massages? Seeing all those guys naked and you just got curious? And maybe I’m just safe because you know me? Help me out some here, man.” I really wanted to understand.
“No, man. I see guys naked all the time and never wanted to do anything with them. And really, man, fuck, you ain’t the safe one. You’re my best friend and I don’t want to fuck up anything. I know I’m not the best friend in the world, and you already had to bail my ass out once, so, man, please. Tell me I didn’t fuck anything up,” he pleaded.
“Of course you didn’t. Antonio, it was only a little kiss. It didn’t mean anything. I’m okay, and you’re okay. So don’t worry about it. Got it?” I told him.
He looked at me, searched in my eyes to really make sure it was all good. Whatever he saw there seemed to reassure him, and his shoulders dropped and the tension left his body. I looked down and saw I was still holding his wrist hard, where I’d grabbed him to keep him there.
“Okay, Mark, okay,” he breathed. I pulled him against me into a hug, and felt the tension grip him again. But I didn’t let go and, after a minute, he hugged me back. A full-blown, full-body hug that told me in that moment more than what his mouth had danced around.
He cared about me, probably more than he should, and I didn’t know what to do with it. But he was my best friend, and I damn well would figure it out. He was as damn confused about this as I was. We got dressed and met back in the den.
We had another glass of wine and sat there on his couch, mostly in silence. But it was a comfortable silence, and that was fine. There wasn’t a lot to say right then, and I had to work the next day so I got all my
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