wishing, wishing I could find it again, that feeling of lying on the rabbit pelt with River in Shelter. But this rabbit pelt is too thin, and it scratches my cheek. And River is somewhere else. Maybe with his mother. I wonder if she lives in a strange shelter like the grandmother woman does, if he is near Beach, if he understands or even remembers things about this world that I do not and I’m not sure I ever will. If he misses me the way I am missing him, an ache, an emptiness, a hunger that I feel will never go away no matter how much food I eat. Or if his mother has filled this space for him, if with her, he has already forgotten about me.
I hear a piece of what the grandmother woman and Missusfairfield are saying, and I open my eyes. “Very special case,” Missusfairfield (I think) is saying.
“Like a two-year-old trapped in a sixteen-year-old’s body.” (The grandmother woman.)
“But she survived all those years on an island … I can’t even imagine …” Their voices drop, and I don’t hear anything for awhile, and then I hear the sound of footsteps and Missusfairfield again. “She doesn’t know anything …”
I feel my face turning hot, that they think I know nothing. On Island, I knew everything. I was the practical one. River, the dreamer.
And then again there are tears burning hot in my eyes, rolling down my cheeks. I am not only a girl without a place but also a girl without knowledge. I imagine Helmut would’ve said that is the worst thing that could ever happen to me, and I understand I can never live here, among these strange things, with these strange people. I will find River, and I will convince him that we have to go back. That what we had there together on Island, it has to mean more than this new woman, this mother , he has found here.
“So much to learn …,” I hear Missusfairfield say.
I think about Helmut, the way he talked about tracking animals, about capturing them, knowing them.
The way you have to do it is to outsmart them , he said. Blend into their surroundings. Make them think you’re one of them, and then they never even see you coming .
Chapter 19
I guess that missusfairfield has agreed to teach me, because she comes back the next morning as I am eating breakfast and thinking about Ocean. I never got to go back there yesterday. Ben wasn’t here, and the grandmother woman said the vultures worried her too much. I am determined to get there today. But then the high bird chirps, and Missusfairfield is back.
“Now,” she says to me after the grandmother woman has led her in. She places a small hand gently on my shoulder. “First things first. We need to teach you how to navigate this world.”
I put one last blue berry in my mouth with my fingers and nod. Navigate . There was much to navigate on Island, and knowing it, all of it, was what kept us alive. But now I understand that once I can navigate this new, strange world of California, I will be able to figure out a way to navigate my way back to River, toIsland. And so, for now, I forget about Ocean, and I stand up and follow Missusfairfield’s lead.
We spend a long time practicing the names and uses for everything in the grandmother woman’s shelter, the house . I learn that it is normal to sit on the couch (not lie on the rug ). That only a spoon, a fork , and a knife are used for eating. That Cooler here is the fridge , and that there is a box in the Living Room (where things are not actually living ) called a television where you can watch pretend people doing real things. She also teaches me that Mrs . is a nice way to refer to a woman, and that Fairfield is her second name. Her first name, she says, is Elizabeth. But since we are practicing for school, she thinks it is better that I call her Mrs. Fairfield. I don’t really understand why she has two names, and why she is telling me I have to call her by one, but I just nod and agree to call her whatever she wants.
After a while I am tired, and it is
I hear a piece of what the grandmother woman and Missusfairfield are saying, and I open my eyes. “Very special case,” Missusfairfield (I think) is saying.
“Like a two-year-old trapped in a sixteen-year-old’s body.” (The grandmother woman.)
“But she survived all those years on an island … I can’t even imagine …” Their voices drop, and I don’t hear anything for awhile, and then I hear the sound of footsteps and Missusfairfield again. “She doesn’t know anything …”
I feel my face turning hot, that they think I know nothing. On Island, I knew everything. I was the practical one. River, the dreamer.
And then again there are tears burning hot in my eyes, rolling down my cheeks. I am not only a girl without a place but also a girl without knowledge. I imagine Helmut would’ve said that is the worst thing that could ever happen to me, and I understand I can never live here, among these strange things, with these strange people. I will find River, and I will convince him that we have to go back. That what we had there together on Island, it has to mean more than this new woman, this mother , he has found here.
“So much to learn …,” I hear Missusfairfield say.
I think about Helmut, the way he talked about tracking animals, about capturing them, knowing them.
The way you have to do it is to outsmart them , he said. Blend into their surroundings. Make them think you’re one of them, and then they never even see you coming .
Chapter 19
I guess that missusfairfield has agreed to teach me, because she comes back the next morning as I am eating breakfast and thinking about Ocean. I never got to go back there yesterday. Ben wasn’t here, and the grandmother woman said the vultures worried her too much. I am determined to get there today. But then the high bird chirps, and Missusfairfield is back.
“Now,” she says to me after the grandmother woman has led her in. She places a small hand gently on my shoulder. “First things first. We need to teach you how to navigate this world.”
I put one last blue berry in my mouth with my fingers and nod. Navigate . There was much to navigate on Island, and knowing it, all of it, was what kept us alive. But now I understand that once I can navigate this new, strange world of California, I will be able to figure out a way to navigate my way back to River, toIsland. And so, for now, I forget about Ocean, and I stand up and follow Missusfairfield’s lead.
We spend a long time practicing the names and uses for everything in the grandmother woman’s shelter, the house . I learn that it is normal to sit on the couch (not lie on the rug ). That only a spoon, a fork , and a knife are used for eating. That Cooler here is the fridge , and that there is a box in the Living Room (where things are not actually living ) called a television where you can watch pretend people doing real things. She also teaches me that Mrs . is a nice way to refer to a woman, and that Fairfield is her second name. Her first name, she says, is Elizabeth. But since we are practicing for school, she thinks it is better that I call her Mrs. Fairfield. I don’t really understand why she has two names, and why she is telling me I have to call her by one, but I just nod and agree to call her whatever she wants.
After a while I am tired, and it is
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