fears.
“Is it Ryker ?” I bit out angrier than I’d intended. “You don’t want me because of him . Do you… do you still love him, Allie?”
“No,” she answered quickly, shaking her head against me. “No, Heath. It has nothing to do with Ryker. I’m so tired of you thinking I’m in love with him.”
“How does someone fall out of love with somebody, Allie?” I was surprised by my plea. I genuinely needed to know the answer. “I don’t get it. Because… the way I feel for you, how in love I am with you, it’ll be a cold day in hell before these feelings lessen.”
She exhaled and buried her face in her hands. “I was never in love with Ryker. He… He was my best friend. I’ve told you this a lot of times already. You’re choosing not to believe it, and I’m asking you to stop.”
“Then tell me why you can’t commit. Are you uncertain of me? Do you think you’ll walk away one day or –”
“No, Heath, it’s nothing like that.”
“Then what is it? I can’t know unless you tell me.”
I tried to turn her face to me, but she refused, not meeting my eye. “I’d like to get my school done first. I just think marriage should come at a time when you’re in a stable situation. Right now, I don’t have a job and I’m far from stable.”
I waited for more – I knew there was more – but she stopped there, and I felt foolish for opening my mouth in the first place. Fucked up I must have been to think she’d blindly want it like me. To think she’d jump in today if the opportunity presented itself. Something was holding her back, and I had a feeling whatever it was didn’t relate to her education or her “stability”.
“Don’t make this change things,” she then added cautiously. “Please, Heath.”
I shook my head slightly. “It won’t,” I muttered, but I wasn’t sure if I believed in my own words. One second everything was absolute, and then the next it was a fucking unpredictable road again. I knew deep inside I just wanted to give her my name, and by then everyone would know who she belonged to. It was sick feeling this possessive, but I wasn’t going to sugar coat how I felt about it.
Caveman thinking or not, she belonged with me.
I locked my jaw and didn’t bother pressing her for answers. She wouldn’t give me them anyway. Once my arms loosened around her, she moved away and started putting her pants back on. I watched her closely. Allie barely had a poker face. She laid it all out there, and right now she was doing her best to appear normal, but her hesitation showed everywhere: in her trembling fingers and inability to look me in the eye.
“I’ve got another fight tonight,” I then said in an effort to bring back some normalcy. Truth was, I felt like a fucking idiot.
“I know,” she replied quietly. “You told me already.”
I stood up and did up my jeans. “Just reminding you, babe.”
As if something had suddenly occurred to her, she turned and faced me. “Did you see Matt around at your last fight?”
Confused by her random question, I shrugged. “I don’t know. I can’t remember. I go in and fight and then get the fuck out. I’m too busy racing home to be with you than to stop and chat with the boys. Why?”
“He told me today he didn’t see you fighting last week, and I found that odd because he’s always at the fights.”
Shit. “Why were you talking to Matt? You phone him up or
“Is it Ryker ?” I bit out angrier than I’d intended. “You don’t want me because of him . Do you… do you still love him, Allie?”
“No,” she answered quickly, shaking her head against me. “No, Heath. It has nothing to do with Ryker. I’m so tired of you thinking I’m in love with him.”
“How does someone fall out of love with somebody, Allie?” I was surprised by my plea. I genuinely needed to know the answer. “I don’t get it. Because… the way I feel for you, how in love I am with you, it’ll be a cold day in hell before these feelings lessen.”
She exhaled and buried her face in her hands. “I was never in love with Ryker. He… He was my best friend. I’ve told you this a lot of times already. You’re choosing not to believe it, and I’m asking you to stop.”
“Then tell me why you can’t commit. Are you uncertain of me? Do you think you’ll walk away one day or –”
“No, Heath, it’s nothing like that.”
“Then what is it? I can’t know unless you tell me.”
I tried to turn her face to me, but she refused, not meeting my eye. “I’d like to get my school done first. I just think marriage should come at a time when you’re in a stable situation. Right now, I don’t have a job and I’m far from stable.”
I waited for more – I knew there was more – but she stopped there, and I felt foolish for opening my mouth in the first place. Fucked up I must have been to think she’d blindly want it like me. To think she’d jump in today if the opportunity presented itself. Something was holding her back, and I had a feeling whatever it was didn’t relate to her education or her “stability”.
“Don’t make this change things,” she then added cautiously. “Please, Heath.”
I shook my head slightly. “It won’t,” I muttered, but I wasn’t sure if I believed in my own words. One second everything was absolute, and then the next it was a fucking unpredictable road again. I knew deep inside I just wanted to give her my name, and by then everyone would know who she belonged to. It was sick feeling this possessive, but I wasn’t going to sugar coat how I felt about it.
Caveman thinking or not, she belonged with me.
I locked my jaw and didn’t bother pressing her for answers. She wouldn’t give me them anyway. Once my arms loosened around her, she moved away and started putting her pants back on. I watched her closely. Allie barely had a poker face. She laid it all out there, and right now she was doing her best to appear normal, but her hesitation showed everywhere: in her trembling fingers and inability to look me in the eye.
“I’ve got another fight tonight,” I then said in an effort to bring back some normalcy. Truth was, I felt like a fucking idiot.
“I know,” she replied quietly. “You told me already.”
I stood up and did up my jeans. “Just reminding you, babe.”
As if something had suddenly occurred to her, she turned and faced me. “Did you see Matt around at your last fight?”
Confused by her random question, I shrugged. “I don’t know. I can’t remember. I go in and fight and then get the fuck out. I’m too busy racing home to be with you than to stop and chat with the boys. Why?”
“He told me today he didn’t see you fighting last week, and I found that odd because he’s always at the fights.”
Shit. “Why were you talking to Matt? You phone him up or
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