Savage by Jenika Snow Page A

that, but how could I push my past away? It was easier picturing doing so, in my mind, but my mother’s soft, beautiful face always flashed into my mind, a reminder of why I was already doomed. I had done something terrible long ago, something that had forever changed my life and had made me the near-recluse I was today. I hoped that this move would change all of that, that I would be able to break through my shell and become the woman my mother had always wanted me to be. That was one of my big dreams, if not the biggest, to make my mother proud, even though she was gone.
    A road trip was a good time to remember the past, to go through and think about what was important and what didn’t matter. My memories always started the same way. From the time I was a teenager, I had envisioned my ‘knight in shining armour’. I knew he’d be the one to save me from the nightmare my life had become. I can’t even remember how it all started, how his picture came into my mind. I just remember lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling and suddenly seeing his face. His hair was so dark, his eyes a vivid light blue. Although I could never distinguish his actual features, I knew he was devilishly handsome. When I started college, my visions of him became more illicit. It was as if my mind had made up what it wanted most, what it needed. His perfectly-honed chest was smooth and golden.  His body was like a Greek god’s.
    It was on those dark nights in my single dorm room that I pictured him. He would lay me down, so gentle in every move he made. His hands slowly stripped off my nightgown, and ran smoothly and lovingly over my naked flesh. It was in those fantasies that I had lost my virginity a number of times.
    I had never spoken of my imaginary lover with to Dr Clay, afraid he would really think I had lost my mind and lock me up. I’m sure he would attribute my ‘lover’ to the need to feel protected, the need to feel loved. It always related back to my past, how I wasn’t loved as a child, but he was wrong. My mother loved me dearly, showed me as much love as a mother could. I agreed with Dr Clay in one respect, though. My dream lover was my protector, and had, on more than one occasion, saved my sanity. Every time I really thought about it, it did seem I was losing my mind, creating a man that fulfilled me sexually, as well as made me feel strong emotionally.
    Clearing my mind, I saw road signs start to appear more frequently and knew I was almost to my destination. I was lucky to have found such a nice apartment on such short notice, and was eager to see if the pictures on the apartment buildings website were accurate. I tapped my finger on the steering wheel, trepidation and anticipation bouncing through me. My little Jeep Liberty was packed full of my belongings, as was the small U-Haul I was towing behind my car. The sun was setting, and I enjoyed the shifting colours in the sky.
    Finally seeing some civilisation on the horizon, I rolled my window down and let the dusk breeze waft in. As locks of my hair obstructed my view and made me sputter, I was sorry I hadn’t cut it before I left. But I liked my long tresses, and would hate to part with them for the convenience of this car ride. Frustrated, I rolled my window back up and regretted not being able to smell the fresh air.
    A sign that Westerbrooke was a short five miles away flashed by me. I passed a few shops, and then came to what looked to be the centre of town. Sitting at the red stop light on the corner of Main Street and Third Avenue, I noted little shops scattered around a square of greenery with lush, well-manicured landscaping. The red light turned green and I made my way through the small town, periodically checking the directions I’d scribbled on a piece of paper.
    I had no trouble finding the apartment building, since it appeared to be the only one in the town. It loomed ahead of me as I turned down Jackson Street and then again onto Clearpark Road. The