Sam Cruz's Infallible Guide to Getting Girls by Tellulah Darling Page A

what they’re like.”
    There’s no way those two could understand that this is purely about sex.
    No answer. I prod Sam with my foot.
    “I’m not going to tell.”
    “Good.” I scoop up my clothes and glance at my watch, trying not to come off as too smug. “There’s still time to go bowling if you want.”
    I watch Sam fixated on the ceiling, perturbed. “Sure.”
    Guess I’m not getting round three.
    Today.

Chapter seventeen
     
    I get my frustration out in a friendly pickup game with about eight other guys.
    I motion to a teammate that I’m open. Ian guards me.
    “You look like shite, pal,” he tells me.
    Eye on the ball, I jog left. Ian stays on me.
    “I’m tired from all the exercise I’ve been getting.”
    “Which department are you trolling your way through now? Arts? Business?”
    “Working on the sciences.”
    “I hear chemists do it on the table,” he jokes.
    “Biology, actually.”
    “Ah. Impressive command of organisms.”
    “You have no idea,” I front.
    He responds with a “way to go” nod.
    Wrong.
    Ally was a huge mistake. Before I had sex and friendship. Separate, on call, no conflict. This new mashed up combo is messing up the natural order of things.
    I’ve truly created a monster. Save me from Fuckenstein. Sure, I’m happy to be her best lay ever (but seriously, look who the competition was), but her crack-addicted jonsing for my expert abilities messes with what I want. Which is to be able to hang out with my friend. Fully clothed.
    Even though the sex is insane, it’s not like I can’t get really good sex elsewhere. On a regular basis. But our friend stuff, that I only get from her.
    So either I’ve got to branch out, which is a lot of work, I mean, I’ve invested a lifetime in this one, or she needs to start behaving properly. We can have sex but when it’s friend time, it’s friend time.
    Besides, let’s be real. How long can Ally keep this up before she reverts back to her true nature and falls in love with me? Which is going to mess everything up.
    Big. Mistake.
    Also, thinking about her has me spanking the monkey so much lately that I’m chafed. Mega painful.
    I’m one justifiably pissed off mother.
    I jump, snatching the ball out of mid-air. Ian rams into me and I drop the ball.
    I swear. Loudly.
    “Just a game, Sam,” Ian says. He looks at me a bit closer. “Oh. Not the b-ball.”
    I fake then pass but Ian has anticipated this. He grabs the ball and runs toward the opposite side of the court. I’m hot on his heels.
    “Brilliant,” he tosses out, pleased.
    “What?”
    “Meaningless sex is wearing thin. You’re starting to realize you want more.”
    Ian shoots. Close but no cigar.
    Another member of his team takes off with the ball.
    “No. I definitely want less.” Because what he’s missing since I’m not going to spill is the fact I’m talking about Ally. He’d never understand that this is just about sex.
    And how it’s throwing everything out of whack.
    Ally is not some random chick and she should know better. Her desire to be all sexually evolved should not be screwing with the friendship.
    The ball travels closer. I see my chance and steal it but am stuck dribbling, searching for a way to pass it with Ian blocking my every move.
    “If you don’t like it,” he says, “don’t go there.”
    I look at him like he’s an idiot. “Are you on crack? Great. Sex. Of course I like it.”
    With a sudden burst of speed, I whip past him and am immediately knocked sideways by this huge ‘roid monster on Ian’s team.
    I lose the ball and rub my sore shoulder.
    “Yeah,” Ian smirks. “You’re aglow.”
    ~
    The week goes from bad to worse. This stupid Marketing class chocolate assignment with Monica keeps getting snagged on a billion different issues she has with my idea.
    She’s the client from hell and totally not going along with how I’m laying it down for her. But I’m playing nice since a big part of this grade depends on our