commit to the order, its a lifelong commitment and there is no turning back.” Sister Janice was right. As I got older in this order, the more difficult it was to recuperate and get back to starting over in my new life. I had to control my longings, while I explored my options outside the convent. “ You’re right, Sister Janice,” I said. “I’m committed.” “ Good, I’ll see you downstairs in a couple hours for afternoon prayer.” Sister Janice turned around, but I had one last request before she headed downstairs. “Sister?” “ Yes?” “ Can I have the internet back?” Sister paused and contemplated the question for a moment. “Yes, but remember what I said.” “ Of course.” She left my room. I sat back in my chair and stared at the crucifix hanging on the wall. I asked God, “They say you create us in your image. Then why do you condemn?” I didn’t know the answer. In fact, I suspected few did. But one thing I did know was this: I would never, ever forget my days of sinful pleasure. “Bad girl,” I whispered...and smiled.