my phone. “What’s up? I’m with Ryan.” I paused, listening. “Cowan Lake? On my way.”
“What’s wrong?” Ryan asked.
“The cops busted Kiki and a bunch of the others for being at the lake after hours. Some jerk brought beer, so everyone had to call their parents to pick them up. Kiki’s dad was worried because I was M.I.A. and called Dad.”
“How angry is he?”
“Oh, you know Dad. Somewhere between an overprotective rhino and a ticked off Coach Harbaugh.” The drama was getting exhausting.
“But you weren’t even at the lake.”
“Stop applying common sense. We’re talking about my dad, here.”
When Ryan got me back to the house, Dad was waiting on the front porch in his pajama pants, Karen’s house slippers, and a winter coat. He couldn’t even wait for me to get inside the house to interrogate me. Ryan offered to walk me to the door and serve as my witness, but I convinced him to go home. I liked the idea of knowing he was across the street.
“You lied right to my face, Carter?” Dad asked before I even made it up the steps. “How dumb do you think I am? You do this sort of thing every weekend with your wild college friends?” He held the door open, I stepped inside, and he locked it behind me. “Does Ryan lie to his dad so he can sneak around all night? So, the two of you are an item now?” Even though he was shouting, he sounded excited about the prospect of me dating The Perfect One.
I didn’t answer any of his questions. The one night I didn’t do anything wrong, I got busted for lying to my dad for no good reason. Karen peered at me from the kitchen table.
“You don’t want to talk?” he went on. “Fine. You’re grounded. Give me your phone. If you don’t have anything to say to me then you don’t need to talk to anyone else.”
I handed my cell to him without pleading my case. Grounded. Like a kid. Total bullshit, but I didn’t have it in me to fight back. In fact, I could think of nothing better to do than sit in my room and rot all weekend.
He glanced down at my screenshot and let out an exacerbated sigh when he saw a selfie of Kiki and me making fish faces. “The two of you,” he mumbled under his beer-tainted breath. “It’ll be such a relief when you’re finally out of this house so I won’t have to put up with your goddamn shit anymore.”
My hands flew to my mouth.
“Oh, Rick,” Karen said. “Apologize.”
“I didn’t mean it. Sorry,” Dad said to Karen. He was more motivated to appease his wife than he was to take back what he said to me. Because it was the truth . He reached out and laid his hands on my shoulders.
“You’re not sorry.” I shoved him off. “You hate me. You’ve always hated me. It’s my fault Sophia’s dead and you’ll never forgive—”
“Oh no you don’t, Carter.” Dad held out his hands. “Don’t you dare try to deflect—”
“Admit it. You wish I had crashed and burned instead of your good daughter.”
“Carter, how could you—”
“I’m sorry I made your life suck.” I retreated to the safety of my room, dropped to the floor, and did push-ups in rapid-fire succession to ignite the burn in my muscles.
The devil clung to my shoulder and hissed in my ear.
You’re a fucking loser…Sophia was a better person…you should have been the one who died…it’s your fault…it’s your fault…it’s your fault…
Sophia’s voice was silent. She blamed me, too. “I’m so sorry, Sophia,” I whispered. “I would trade places with you if I could.” My muscles were on fire, but I deserved the pain. I kept going until my body quit working, and I collapsed on the floor.
I could not do one thing right to save my fucked-up life.
Chapter 19
Aftermath
Before my disastrous Saturday night, I’d agreed to Boris picking me up at our usual spot on his way home from church at eleven a.m. Sunday morning to make up
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