Ruining Me by Nicole Reed Page A

the click of her shoes go do wn the stairs , and out the door. What was I going to do about Molly and Reed?  They would know instantly that something was wrong.  Oh my God, I didn’t know how I would face JT.   I was ruined for him now.  He would never understand what happened.  I know I could go to the police, but then everyone would have to know.  I’ve seen the T.V. shows where the girl goes to the hospital.  NO.  No , I didn’t want to deal with that.
     
    He got what he wa nted. I had been begging for it he said.  Wasn’t it just the other day that I was flirting with him in P.E. at school ?  God, I did flirt with him.  It was my personality, but everyone knew I was JT ’s g irl.  Like the rest of the schoo l , I thought he was super cute.  I remember him sending secr et smiles during the day at me and I never thought anything of it.
     
    The more I thought about it, I knew that he was right.  No one would ever believe me.  He would leave me alone now.  We could go on as if nothing happened.  Just not as before.  I would keep this secret f rom everyone.  I could b e strong and put this behind me, but I would have to let Molly, Reed and JT go.  They would guess instantly what had happened.  It would be better for everyone. 
     
    Making myself get out of bed , I dress in my sweats.  Walking towards the bathroom , I stopped myself before stepping on all the shards of glass that covered the floor.  I would have to clean that before my parents got home and tell them I accidently broke it.  Later as I swept the glass away , I could see my reflection in the bigger pieces.  That girl was taken away with the trash.
     
    The sound of Molly’s voice broke my thoughts and brought me to the present , “Jay, I miss you.  Reed misses you.”
     
    Finally the tears start rolling down my face and I hang my head down.  I ha ve really missed them too.  Molly grabs me and wraps her arms around me.  My body beg i n s to shake from the sobs and for the first time , I cried and let my burdens go.  Molly just held me and strok es my back.
     
    “I’m so tired Mols.  I’m just so damn tired , ” I cried.  We s i t huddled toget her and eventually my body stops shaking from the sobs.  We watch the sun set in silence , with my head on Molly’s shoulder. 
     
    Finally she speaks , “I was so mad at you when you wouldn’t talk to me.  I thought we told each other everything and suddenly you wouldn’t let me in.  Mad really doesn’t describe it.  You shut me out.  You shut Reed out.  You killed JT.  When you started being bitchy to everyone and stopped hanging around us , I hated you more .  I was so stupid not to stop and think that something could have happened to make you act like that .” 
     
    My body froze and all I could think about was that JT must have talked to her.  Molly continued speaking, “I’ve been thinking about that latel y.  That first month you had the f lu , and w ere out of school so much that I didn’t see you .  We would all come to your house and you refused to see us.  Then when we would talk, you were such a bitch.  I think it was easier for Reed and me to hate you because we had each other.  We could convince ourselves that you thought you were too good for us, but what you did to JT demolished him.  I know now we should have all known you better, but hell Jay, we were all hurt .”
     
    She stopped talking when her voice choked up.  I couldn’t stand it anymore.  My world of control that I had built was crumbling by the second.  My body and mind was exhausted.  I let out a sigh and told her what I could. 
     
    “Molly, I can’t talk about what happened.  Not now, maybe not ever, but I miss you.  God, I miss talking to you and Reed so much .  S o many times over the last two years , I’ve automatically picked up the phone to tell you both something and then realized I couldn’t.  Right now I’m so fucked up that I don’t even want to