Rough [02] - Roughhousing by Laura Baumbach Page A

mood after being lulled by a full stomach and a secure environment.
    "You know, Jamie, you could just move in here.” Bram sipped his coffee and watched as confusion clouded the other man's face.
    James’ head snapped up. “I thought I was."
    "For more than just a few days. For real."
    "You mean like live here?” A frown settled in the deepening furrows between James’ eyes. “Permanent address like?"
    "Yeah, permanent like.” Bram gripped his cup with both hands and thought about the sudden panic that appeared to seize James. His lover squirmed and stuttered, teeth digging into the corner of his turned down mouth. Bram could actually hear the man's stomach churning.
    "No. I-I mean thanks, but ... but that wouldn't work."
    "Why not?"
    "It just wouldn't, okay?” James fiddled with his fork, then dropped it on the table, hands sliding down to rub over and over again on the wrinkled fabric covering his jiggling thighs.
    Frowning, Bram rested his elbows on either side of his plate. He leaned towards James, his voice was soft and controlled.
    "No, it's not okay. We're lovers, Jamie. You spend weekends here anyway. We've discussed having a life together. We love each other.” Bram hesitated. James’ overly bright gaze darted away from his, suddenly finding something more interesting in the plate of half-eaten food. “At least, I know I love you ."
    "That's not fair. I love you, you know that."
    "Then what's the problem?"
    "There isn't any problem. It just ... wouldn't be right ... to impose on you. Not so soon. It's only been a few weeks. It just wouldn't be right.” James’ eyes shone with unshed tears.
    The panic from earlier was back in full force. James jumped up from his chair and paced back and forth on the far side of the room, out of Bram's reach. “Wouldn't work. Couldn't do it."
    Recognizing the same agitated state that James had been in immediately after Williams had attacked him weeks ago, Bram sat quietly in the chair, slumped low, looking as non-threatening as possible and waited.
    He knew if gave James enough time, James would regain some control. He also knew the last thing James could tolerate right now was to be overwhelmed by him, by his physical size or his domineering personality. He had seen the fear in James’ face when he had related the events of the attempted break in. It still clouded his lover's face, but now it was mixed with an uncertainty that stabbed at Bram's heart. He knew James loved him, believed it with all his heart, but it didn't do much good if James didn't believe and trust in it, too.
    "Hey, baby.” Bram's voice broke through the constant pacing.
    James jerked his head around to stare at Bram and Bram waited while James made the visible effort to focus on Bram and stand still at the same time. James’ shoulders were slumped and the lines of exhaustion accentuated the lost, little boy expression on his face. No matter what the real problem was, James wasn't in any shape to discuss it.
    "What do you say we let it go for now? Call it an early night. I could use some extra shuteye myself. Got a long week ahead of us yet.” Bram eased out of the chair, making sure James didn't shuffle farther out of his personal space as he moved closer. “Sound good to you, baby?"
    He ran the palm of his hand up James’ back, ending the touch with a firm squeeze of James’ neck. Satisfied things were getting under control when James didn't shrug away, Bram released him and began cleaning up the kitchen.
    Wanting to give James time to unwind, he offered, “Why don't you go on upstairs and I'll join you as soon as I get this place in shape. Hate to wake up to a messy kitchen. It slows down breakfast too much."
    That pulled a small chuckle from James. He shook his head and scoffed affectionately, “God, you weren't kidding when you claimed to be domestic. My mom could take lessons from you."
    Bram smiled at the more relaxed tone to James voice. He winked at him, but continued to fill the sink