arms around her and drop a kiss on the top of her head. “Shhh, it’s okay, baby. Just sleep now. I’ve got you.” I rub her spine, soothing her until she relaxes. Neither of us says anything further. As I drift off to sleep, I know that no matter what the days ahead hold, my life has changed. Since the moment I picked her up off the ground, it’s never felt wrong. Her in my home, in my car, shopping together, sharing food, watching a movie, listening to her sassy, quirky wit—it’s just felt … right. Easy. It’s as if she’s woken me from the stupor I’ve existed in for so very long, and I fear that I’ll no longer be content with my perfectly crafted existence. But I like sex without emotion, without strings. Do I? Is that what I still want? I took a chance once and very nearly had it all. Am I strong enough to do that again? I look at Lucian and see how happy he is after finally vanquishing his demons. But not everyone is given a second chance at happiness. What if I try and fail? Would I even survive it this time?
7
Rose
I barely recognize the person staring back at me from the mirror. It’s Monday morning and I’m dressed in one of my new outfits for my first day of work with Lia. Yesterday, I watched movies and surfed the Internet while Max did some work. I did wonder if he was trying to avoid spending time with me, but I couldn’t really blame him after my sudden invasion into his life. I know he’s a private person, and it must be hard to share his space with me. He went out to pick up some Thai food for our evening meal and came back with a new cell phone for me as well. I’d argued, saying it could wait until I received my first paycheck, but he’d been adamant about me needing it in case of emergencies. After finding myself out of an apartment and a car just days before, I couldn’t really argue with that. Instead, I’d thanked him and secretly added it to the amount that I already owed him. I wonder briefly how my parents would even reach me, but I also feel relief that my father can’t use the phone as a means to control me any longer. If he wants to find me, he’ll damn well have to put some effort into it.
Again, last night, I’d gone to him when the darkness proved too much to bear. I didn’t tell him I was afraid of hurting myself, but I was certain that he knew. He invited me into his bed in the same manner as the previous night and I’d been weak with gratitude.
Today, I needed to tell Lia what had happened while she was gone. I had decided to swallow my pride and ask her if I could possibly have an advance on my paycheck so I could afford somewhere to live. I knew that she would invite me to stay with her and Lucian, but I won’t do that. I have no doubt they would welcome me with open arms, but they’re newlyweds with a baby. They deserve their privacy to enjoy this special time in their lives.
My stomach growls as the smell of coffee drifts down the hallway. I study my appearance for another moment and feel my throat tighten. I look nothing like my usual self. I’ve never worn anything other than traditional, tailored pieces. Conservative and expensive. Today, I’m wearing a form-fitting red pencil skirt with a leopard-print silk blouse along with a black belt and strappy, matching sandals. It’s modern and sexy while still being dressy enough for the office. It’s the type of outfit I’d often looked at longingly in magazines but was never free to purchase. My parents would have told me I looked like a whore. Maddens didn’t dress in trendy clothing. It was considered trashy and common. I had to admit that it looked better than I could have ever dreamed. I no longer looked like a repressed virgin.
Why then is my skin crawling? Why is my heart threatening to pound from my chest? Sweat gathers on my forehead and begins to trickle down my temples. My hands are trembling and my head is light. You look cheap. What if someone sees you like this? You’ll be an
7
Rose
I barely recognize the person staring back at me from the mirror. It’s Monday morning and I’m dressed in one of my new outfits for my first day of work with Lia. Yesterday, I watched movies and surfed the Internet while Max did some work. I did wonder if he was trying to avoid spending time with me, but I couldn’t really blame him after my sudden invasion into his life. I know he’s a private person, and it must be hard to share his space with me. He went out to pick up some Thai food for our evening meal and came back with a new cell phone for me as well. I’d argued, saying it could wait until I received my first paycheck, but he’d been adamant about me needing it in case of emergencies. After finding myself out of an apartment and a car just days before, I couldn’t really argue with that. Instead, I’d thanked him and secretly added it to the amount that I already owed him. I wonder briefly how my parents would even reach me, but I also feel relief that my father can’t use the phone as a means to control me any longer. If he wants to find me, he’ll damn well have to put some effort into it.
Again, last night, I’d gone to him when the darkness proved too much to bear. I didn’t tell him I was afraid of hurting myself, but I was certain that he knew. He invited me into his bed in the same manner as the previous night and I’d been weak with gratitude.
Today, I needed to tell Lia what had happened while she was gone. I had decided to swallow my pride and ask her if I could possibly have an advance on my paycheck so I could afford somewhere to live. I knew that she would invite me to stay with her and Lucian, but I won’t do that. I have no doubt they would welcome me with open arms, but they’re newlyweds with a baby. They deserve their privacy to enjoy this special time in their lives.
My stomach growls as the smell of coffee drifts down the hallway. I study my appearance for another moment and feel my throat tighten. I look nothing like my usual self. I’ve never worn anything other than traditional, tailored pieces. Conservative and expensive. Today, I’m wearing a form-fitting red pencil skirt with a leopard-print silk blouse along with a black belt and strappy, matching sandals. It’s modern and sexy while still being dressy enough for the office. It’s the type of outfit I’d often looked at longingly in magazines but was never free to purchase. My parents would have told me I looked like a whore. Maddens didn’t dress in trendy clothing. It was considered trashy and common. I had to admit that it looked better than I could have ever dreamed. I no longer looked like a repressed virgin.
Why then is my skin crawling? Why is my heart threatening to pound from my chest? Sweat gathers on my forehead and begins to trickle down my temples. My hands are trembling and my head is light. You look cheap. What if someone sees you like this? You’ll be an
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