feel like I’m being torn open.
And then he flips me onto my back and lifts my knees higher. And drives his cock deep. He holds it there, pressing hard into the core of my body, and I can’t stand it.
“Ray!”
“Fuck, Holly. Take it.”
Jesus Christ.
“Take it.”
He won’t move. He just pushes into me, fills me. He takes my breast in his hand and sucks in a nipple, and I’m coming again. Shattering, splitting apart, and it doesn’t end when he starts moving again. When he fucks me for real, hard and deep and without stopping. The orgasm goes on and on, splintering, fractal. I dig my nails into his back and he makes a harsh sound and moves harder. His fingers grip my thighs.
I don’t know how to survive this. I want it to last forever and I will die if it does. I want to feel Ray breaking like he’s broken me. I tighten around him and he loses momentum for a second and falls into me. “Jesus.”
“I want you to come, Ray.” I don’t recognize the animal sound of my voice. I didn’t know it could be like this. That I could be like this. “Come in me,” I tell him. “Come with me.”
“Jesus, Holly.” He grips a fistful of my hair and pulls, and I’m coming again, gripping and gripping him with my pussy, my legs wrapped tight around him, and he slams into me hard and cries out. I feel the pulsing of his cock inside me, and it’s beautiful. God, it’s so beautiful.
He collapses onto me—falls into me, and I hold him. I hold him so tight.
He kisses my mouth. My eyes. His hands run over my face and hair. My sides. My hips. He presses his forehead to my shoulder, his mouth against my neck.
“Holly,” he says. “Holly.”
I don’t know what to say. I have no idea what just happened to me. To us.
I start to cry. And he just holds me. He covers us with the blanket, takes me in his arms, and holds me.
Chapter 12
Ray
She falls asleep in my arms. I breathe in the honey smell of her hair and try to be awake to the intimacy of this moment—of holding her naked body against mine under the blanket. It’s more honest than sex even, in its way. Asleep, Holly is not self-conscious. Her face rests on my heart.
I thought I was in trouble before, when all I wanted was to know her better. But part of me understood how much can be projected on another person from a distance. I was lonely and she was the first person upstate to show me any kindness.
It was possible, then, to think that maybe it was more the idea of Holly than the actual person, that once I got to know her better and reality set in, I’d realize she was only being nice. There wasn’t actually any substance there between us.
I can’t pretend that now, even if I wanted to.
If anything, there’s more to her than I thought I knew. A depth I’ve just fallen straight into, headfirst.
My mother used to say that when I fell in love, it would be hard like this, that it would knock the floor right out from under me.
“You’re too sensitive, Ramón. You’re gonna let some girl rip your heart out.”
She wasn’t quite right, although I did get kicked in the gut a few times. I lived with a woman for a few years in Queens, which presented a serious moral dilemma for Mom. As a Catholic, I wasn’t supposed to be living in sin, but at the same time, she was relieved I wasn’t marrying Theresa.
“She’s not the one.”
“How do you know that, Mom?”
She shook her head. “Because I have eyes,
mijo.
You’ll know your wife when you meet her. It’s…it’s bigger than this. It shakes you, and you’re not shaken by this young woman, nice as she is. You haven’t met your wife yet, trust me.”
I put it down to magical thinking on her part. Life is more complicated than that, and just because it went like that for her and Dad didn’t mean it was going to work that way for me.
When things got rough with Theresa, though, maybe two years in, I couldn’t find the fight in me that was necessary to fix it. Neither could she. We both
And then he flips me onto my back and lifts my knees higher. And drives his cock deep. He holds it there, pressing hard into the core of my body, and I can’t stand it.
“Ray!”
“Fuck, Holly. Take it.”
Jesus Christ.
“Take it.”
He won’t move. He just pushes into me, fills me. He takes my breast in his hand and sucks in a nipple, and I’m coming again. Shattering, splitting apart, and it doesn’t end when he starts moving again. When he fucks me for real, hard and deep and without stopping. The orgasm goes on and on, splintering, fractal. I dig my nails into his back and he makes a harsh sound and moves harder. His fingers grip my thighs.
I don’t know how to survive this. I want it to last forever and I will die if it does. I want to feel Ray breaking like he’s broken me. I tighten around him and he loses momentum for a second and falls into me. “Jesus.”
“I want you to come, Ray.” I don’t recognize the animal sound of my voice. I didn’t know it could be like this. That I could be like this. “Come in me,” I tell him. “Come with me.”
“Jesus, Holly.” He grips a fistful of my hair and pulls, and I’m coming again, gripping and gripping him with my pussy, my legs wrapped tight around him, and he slams into me hard and cries out. I feel the pulsing of his cock inside me, and it’s beautiful. God, it’s so beautiful.
He collapses onto me—falls into me, and I hold him. I hold him so tight.
He kisses my mouth. My eyes. His hands run over my face and hair. My sides. My hips. He presses his forehead to my shoulder, his mouth against my neck.
“Holly,” he says. “Holly.”
I don’t know what to say. I have no idea what just happened to me. To us.
I start to cry. And he just holds me. He covers us with the blanket, takes me in his arms, and holds me.
Chapter 12
Ray
She falls asleep in my arms. I breathe in the honey smell of her hair and try to be awake to the intimacy of this moment—of holding her naked body against mine under the blanket. It’s more honest than sex even, in its way. Asleep, Holly is not self-conscious. Her face rests on my heart.
I thought I was in trouble before, when all I wanted was to know her better. But part of me understood how much can be projected on another person from a distance. I was lonely and she was the first person upstate to show me any kindness.
It was possible, then, to think that maybe it was more the idea of Holly than the actual person, that once I got to know her better and reality set in, I’d realize she was only being nice. There wasn’t actually any substance there between us.
I can’t pretend that now, even if I wanted to.
If anything, there’s more to her than I thought I knew. A depth I’ve just fallen straight into, headfirst.
My mother used to say that when I fell in love, it would be hard like this, that it would knock the floor right out from under me.
“You’re too sensitive, Ramón. You’re gonna let some girl rip your heart out.”
She wasn’t quite right, although I did get kicked in the gut a few times. I lived with a woman for a few years in Queens, which presented a serious moral dilemma for Mom. As a Catholic, I wasn’t supposed to be living in sin, but at the same time, she was relieved I wasn’t marrying Theresa.
“She’s not the one.”
“How do you know that, Mom?”
She shook her head. “Because I have eyes,
mijo.
You’ll know your wife when you meet her. It’s…it’s bigger than this. It shakes you, and you’re not shaken by this young woman, nice as she is. You haven’t met your wife yet, trust me.”
I put it down to magical thinking on her part. Life is more complicated than that, and just because it went like that for her and Dad didn’t mean it was going to work that way for me.
When things got rough with Theresa, though, maybe two years in, I couldn’t find the fight in me that was necessary to fix it. Neither could she. We both
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