falling backwards due to the sudden movement of the
truck.]
8
I ended up walking home every day instead of getting a ride from Rodrick. I
figured it was better to just walk the two miles than to get brain damage riding in
the back of that van.
Halfway through the summer, I decided I was pretty much done with swim team.
So I came up with a trick to get out of practice.
I'd swim a few laps, and then I'd ask the coach if I could use the bathroom. Then I'd
just hide out in the locker room until practice was over.
The only problem with my plan was that it was something like forty degrees in the
boy's bathroom. So it was even colder in THERE than it was in the pool.
[Image: A cartoon of a boy shivering with cold while using the toilet.]
9
I had to wrap myself up in toilet paper so I didn't get hypothermia.
[Image: A cartoon of a boy wrapped in toilet paper sitting on the toilet.]
That's how I spent a pretty big chunk of my summer vacation. And that's why I'm
actually looking forward to going back to school tomorrow.
Tuesday
When I got to school today, everybody was acting all strange around me, and at
first I didn't know WHAT was up.
[Image: A cartoon of children screaming and running away from a boy.] "Scream!,
Scream!"
10
Then I remembered: I still had the Cheese Touch from LAST year. I got the
Cheese Touch in the last week of school, and over the summer I COMPLETELY
forgot about it.
The problem with the Cheese Touch is that you've got it until you can pass it on to
someone else. But nobody would even get within thirty feet of me, so I knew I was
gonna be stuck with the Cheese Touch for the whole school year.
Luckily, there was a new kid named Jeremy Pindle in homeroom, so that took care
of THAT problem.
[Image: A cartoon of a boy talking to another.] "Welcome to our school, Jeremy!"
My first class was Pre-Algebra, and the teacher put me right next to Alex Aruda,
the smartest kid in the whole class.
11
Alex is SUPER easy to copy off of, because he always finishes his test early and
puts his paper down on the floor next to him. So if I ever get in a pinch, it's nice to
know I can count on Alex to bail me out.
Kids whose last names start with the first few letters of the alphabet get called on
the most by the teacher, and that's why they end up being the smartest.
Some people think that's not true, but if you want to come down to my school, I
can prove it.
[Image: A cartoon of a smart kid and a dumb kid.] "Alex Aruda, Christopher
Ziegel"
I can only think of ONE kid who broke the last-name rule, and that's Peter Uteger.
Peter was the smartest kid in the class all the way up until the fifth grade.
12
That's when a bunch of us started giving him a hard time about how his initials
sounded when you said them out loud.
[Image: A cartoon of three children in a classroom.] "Teacher the answer to that
question is..., P.U! P.U!, Yeah! P.U.! P.U!"
These days, Peter doesn't raise his hand at ALL, and he's pretty much a C student.
I guess I feel a little bad about the whole P.U. thing and what happened to Peter.
But it's hard not to take credit whenever it comes up.
[Image: A cartoon of a boy trying to talk to the girl in front of him in the class.] "I
started that"
13
Anyway, today I got pretty decent seats in all my classes except seventh-period
History. My teacher is Mr. Huff, and something tells me he had Rodrick as a
student a few years back.
[Image: A cartoon of a teacher telling the boy to sit in the chair near him.] "Mr.
Heffley, you'll be sitting in this chair next to my desk."
Wednesday
Mom has been making me and Rodrick help out more around the house, and now
the two of us are responsible for doing the dishes every night.
The rule is that we're not allowed to watch any TV or play video games until all the
dishes are done. But let me just say that Rodrick is the WORST dishes partner in
the world.
14
As soon as dinner is over, he goes upstairs to the bathroom and
truck.]
8
I ended up walking home every day instead of getting a ride from Rodrick. I
figured it was better to just walk the two miles than to get brain damage riding in
the back of that van.
Halfway through the summer, I decided I was pretty much done with swim team.
So I came up with a trick to get out of practice.
I'd swim a few laps, and then I'd ask the coach if I could use the bathroom. Then I'd
just hide out in the locker room until practice was over.
The only problem with my plan was that it was something like forty degrees in the
boy's bathroom. So it was even colder in THERE than it was in the pool.
[Image: A cartoon of a boy shivering with cold while using the toilet.]
9
I had to wrap myself up in toilet paper so I didn't get hypothermia.
[Image: A cartoon of a boy wrapped in toilet paper sitting on the toilet.]
That's how I spent a pretty big chunk of my summer vacation. And that's why I'm
actually looking forward to going back to school tomorrow.
Tuesday
When I got to school today, everybody was acting all strange around me, and at
first I didn't know WHAT was up.
[Image: A cartoon of children screaming and running away from a boy.] "Scream!,
Scream!"
10
Then I remembered: I still had the Cheese Touch from LAST year. I got the
Cheese Touch in the last week of school, and over the summer I COMPLETELY
forgot about it.
The problem with the Cheese Touch is that you've got it until you can pass it on to
someone else. But nobody would even get within thirty feet of me, so I knew I was
gonna be stuck with the Cheese Touch for the whole school year.
Luckily, there was a new kid named Jeremy Pindle in homeroom, so that took care
of THAT problem.
[Image: A cartoon of a boy talking to another.] "Welcome to our school, Jeremy!"
My first class was Pre-Algebra, and the teacher put me right next to Alex Aruda,
the smartest kid in the whole class.
11
Alex is SUPER easy to copy off of, because he always finishes his test early and
puts his paper down on the floor next to him. So if I ever get in a pinch, it's nice to
know I can count on Alex to bail me out.
Kids whose last names start with the first few letters of the alphabet get called on
the most by the teacher, and that's why they end up being the smartest.
Some people think that's not true, but if you want to come down to my school, I
can prove it.
[Image: A cartoon of a smart kid and a dumb kid.] "Alex Aruda, Christopher
Ziegel"
I can only think of ONE kid who broke the last-name rule, and that's Peter Uteger.
Peter was the smartest kid in the class all the way up until the fifth grade.
12
That's when a bunch of us started giving him a hard time about how his initials
sounded when you said them out loud.
[Image: A cartoon of three children in a classroom.] "Teacher the answer to that
question is..., P.U! P.U!, Yeah! P.U.! P.U!"
These days, Peter doesn't raise his hand at ALL, and he's pretty much a C student.
I guess I feel a little bad about the whole P.U. thing and what happened to Peter.
But it's hard not to take credit whenever it comes up.
[Image: A cartoon of a boy trying to talk to the girl in front of him in the class.] "I
started that"
13
Anyway, today I got pretty decent seats in all my classes except seventh-period
History. My teacher is Mr. Huff, and something tells me he had Rodrick as a
student a few years back.
[Image: A cartoon of a teacher telling the boy to sit in the chair near him.] "Mr.
Heffley, you'll be sitting in this chair next to my desk."
Wednesday
Mom has been making me and Rodrick help out more around the house, and now
the two of us are responsible for doing the dishes every night.
The rule is that we're not allowed to watch any TV or play video games until all the
dishes are done. But let me just say that Rodrick is the WORST dishes partner in
the world.
14
As soon as dinner is over, he goes upstairs to the bathroom and
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