walked to the deck doors and threw them open to the night. She stepped out, to listen to the wind sigh through the trees. To look for Julie’s star.
“How many times did we sit out on nights like this and dream? We’d whisper together when we were supposed to be in bed. And we’d plan. Such big, shiny plans. I’ve got so much I dreamed of, so much I wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t had the big dreams first. I might never have met David if not for you. Would never have had the courage to start my own company. So many things I wouldn’t have done, wouldn’t have seen if I hadn’t followed after you.”
She leaned on the rail, closing her eyes as the wind toyed with her hair, the hem of her robe, shivered along her bare skin. “I’ll make sure Livvy dreams big, too. That nothing stops her from grabbing hold of what she needs most. And I’m sorry, Julie. I’m sorry I had a part in trying to make her forget you.”
She stepped back, rubbing her arms as the air turned chilly. But she stayed outside, watching the stars until David found her.
“Jamie?” When she turned, his eyes warmed. “You look beautiful. I was afraid you’d gone to bed while I puffed cigars and told lies with your father.”
“No, I wanted to wait for you.” She stepped into his arms, nestled her head on his shoulder. “I waited just for this.”
“Good. You’ve been quiet tonight. Are you all right?”
“Hmm. Just a little lost in thoughts.” Too many she couldn’t share with him. A promise had been given. “Tomorrow it’ll be eight years. Sometimes it seems like a lifetime ago, and others like yesterday. It means so much to me, David, that you come with me every year. That you understand why I have to be here. I know how hard it is for you to juggle your schedule to carve out these few days.”
“Jamie, she mattered to all of us. And you . . .” He drew her back to kiss her. “You matter most.”
With a smile, she laid her hand on his cheek. “I must. I know how much you love tramping through the woods and spending an afternoon fishing.”
He grimaced. “Your mother’s taking me out on the river tomorrow.”
“My hero.”
“I think she knows I hate fishing and makes me go out every summer to pay her back for stealing her daughter.”
“Well then, the least her daughter can do is make it worth your while.”
“Oh yeah?” His hands were already sliding down to mold her bottom through the thin robe. “How?”
“Come with me. I’ll show you.”
Olivia dreamed of her mother and whimpered in her sleep. They huddled together in a closet filled with animals who stared with glassy eyes. She shivered in the dark, holding tight, so tight because the monster raged outside the door. He was calling her name, roaring it out while he stomped on the floor.
She buried her face against her mother’s breast, pressed her hands over her ears as something crashed close, so close to where she tried to disappear. Then the door burst open and the closet bloomed with light. In the light she saw the blood, all over her hands, all over her mother’s hair. And Mama’s eyes were like the eyes of the animals. Glassy and staring.
“I’ve been looking for you,” Daddy said, and snapped the scissors that shined and dripped.
As she tossed in sleep, others dreamed of Julie.
Images of a lovely young girl laughing in the kitchen as she learned to make red sauce like her grandmother’s. Of a much-loved companion who raced through the woods with her pale hair flying. Of a lover who sighed in the night. A woman of impossible beauty dancing in a white dress on her wedding day. Of death, so terrible, so stark it couldn’t be remembered in the light. And those who dreamed of her wept. Even her killer.
It was still dark when Val knocked briskly on the bedroom door. “Up and at ‘em, David. Coffee’s on and the fish are biting.”
With a pitiful moan, David rolled over, buried his head under the pillow. “Oh, my God.”
“Ten
“How many times did we sit out on nights like this and dream? We’d whisper together when we were supposed to be in bed. And we’d plan. Such big, shiny plans. I’ve got so much I dreamed of, so much I wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t had the big dreams first. I might never have met David if not for you. Would never have had the courage to start my own company. So many things I wouldn’t have done, wouldn’t have seen if I hadn’t followed after you.”
She leaned on the rail, closing her eyes as the wind toyed with her hair, the hem of her robe, shivered along her bare skin. “I’ll make sure Livvy dreams big, too. That nothing stops her from grabbing hold of what she needs most. And I’m sorry, Julie. I’m sorry I had a part in trying to make her forget you.”
She stepped back, rubbing her arms as the air turned chilly. But she stayed outside, watching the stars until David found her.
“Jamie?” When she turned, his eyes warmed. “You look beautiful. I was afraid you’d gone to bed while I puffed cigars and told lies with your father.”
“No, I wanted to wait for you.” She stepped into his arms, nestled her head on his shoulder. “I waited just for this.”
“Good. You’ve been quiet tonight. Are you all right?”
“Hmm. Just a little lost in thoughts.” Too many she couldn’t share with him. A promise had been given. “Tomorrow it’ll be eight years. Sometimes it seems like a lifetime ago, and others like yesterday. It means so much to me, David, that you come with me every year. That you understand why I have to be here. I know how hard it is for you to juggle your schedule to carve out these few days.”
“Jamie, she mattered to all of us. And you . . .” He drew her back to kiss her. “You matter most.”
With a smile, she laid her hand on his cheek. “I must. I know how much you love tramping through the woods and spending an afternoon fishing.”
He grimaced. “Your mother’s taking me out on the river tomorrow.”
“My hero.”
“I think she knows I hate fishing and makes me go out every summer to pay her back for stealing her daughter.”
“Well then, the least her daughter can do is make it worth your while.”
“Oh yeah?” His hands were already sliding down to mold her bottom through the thin robe. “How?”
“Come with me. I’ll show you.”
Olivia dreamed of her mother and whimpered in her sleep. They huddled together in a closet filled with animals who stared with glassy eyes. She shivered in the dark, holding tight, so tight because the monster raged outside the door. He was calling her name, roaring it out while he stomped on the floor.
She buried her face against her mother’s breast, pressed her hands over her ears as something crashed close, so close to where she tried to disappear. Then the door burst open and the closet bloomed with light. In the light she saw the blood, all over her hands, all over her mother’s hair. And Mama’s eyes were like the eyes of the animals. Glassy and staring.
“I’ve been looking for you,” Daddy said, and snapped the scissors that shined and dripped.
As she tossed in sleep, others dreamed of Julie.
Images of a lovely young girl laughing in the kitchen as she learned to make red sauce like her grandmother’s. Of a much-loved companion who raced through the woods with her pale hair flying. Of a lover who sighed in the night. A woman of impossible beauty dancing in a white dress on her wedding day. Of death, so terrible, so stark it couldn’t be remembered in the light. And those who dreamed of her wept. Even her killer.
It was still dark when Val knocked briskly on the bedroom door. “Up and at ‘em, David. Coffee’s on and the fish are biting.”
With a pitiful moan, David rolled over, buried his head under the pillow. “Oh, my God.”
“Ten
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