leaned against him. “Yes. I guess I still am. You saw that tonight.” She pushed past him and sat on the window seat again, lifted her gaze to him. “I’m not . . . normal anymore.”
Pax took a seat in the chair next to her. “It could take a long time. Have you had counseling?”
“Plenty. And it helped me a lot, especially in the beginning. But it can only help me so much. At some point I have to let a man, or men, touch me again.”
“The right man. Or men,” AJ said. “Ones who’ll be patient with you. Ones who’ll understand what you’ve been through, who know you need time to take this slow. Baby steps, Teresa.”
She tilted her head to the side. “You understand.”
“That you were violated? That your body still rebels against being touched?” AJ nodded. “Yeah, we understand. We may be guys, but we’re not dense, Teresa. Any man should understand that what you need most is time, patience and TLC. You have to do this on your own timetable, and in your own way.”
“I want to be whole again,” she said. “You have no idea how much I want that. But the guys around here . . . they know what happened and treat me differently because of it. They think I’m some china doll who’s going to break if touched. They give me a wide berth. They’re afraid, which in turn makes me feel damaged.”
Pax smoothed his knuckles over her cheek. “We’re not afraid of you, Teresa. Or of your reactions to us. Good or bad. And we sure as hell don’t think of you as damaged. What happened to you wasn’t your fault. You didn’t cause it.”
She inhaled, let it out on a shaky sigh. “Don’t I know it. I’d like an hour in a room with those two sons of bitches who did this to me.”
“Me, too,” Pax said, smoothing his hand over her hair. “The easiest way to get past this is to be with someone you trust. When you’re ready.”
The way she looked at Pax, her gaze so trusting, was like a gut punch to AJ. “I am ready.”
Pax smiled at her. “I think tonight proved you’re not ready yet.”
She sighed. “Well, goddammit, I want to be ready.”
Pax took her hands between his. “Give yourself a break, honey. There’s no hurry. Or timetable.”
“Most men—”
“We’re not most men.” AJ sat next to her. “You need to understand that. We’re not going to pressure you. Ever. You want one of us, both of us, that’s your call. On your timetable. You don’t, we’re still here for you.”
Pax lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her palm. “We’re on vacation. We’ll be hanging around for a while. You can count on us, Teresa, no matter what you need. If all you want is a couple of friends, that’s what we’ll be for you.”
TERESA HADN’T INTENDED TO SPILL HER STORY TO AJ AND PAX. She never liked talking about it. Talking about it was like reliving it, and she’d rather have a hot poker stuck in her eye than experience that night again.
Yet as soon as Pax and AJ had come into the room, the story had spilled out. It was as if she’d needed them to hear it. She’d wanted them to know why she’d run out of the room. It was important for them to understand they’d done nothing wrong. It hadn’t been them; it had been all her fault—her issues. It was important they know.
And maybe she’d wanted to throw down the challenge, see if they’d run like the others had. She’d told a couple guys about the rape before, guys she’d dated for a while and had tried to get close to.
They couldn’t handle it, had closed up on her, pulled away, and she hadn’t seen them again.
She supposed she understood why. A woman who’d been raped and hadn’t been sexually active since was more trouble than she was worth, especially a woman a guy was just starting to date. She was a mess of emotional scars, terrified of being touched again, yet craving that closeness with a man. That was one hell of a commitment most guys weren’t the least bit interested in making.
A man would have
Pax took a seat in the chair next to her. “It could take a long time. Have you had counseling?”
“Plenty. And it helped me a lot, especially in the beginning. But it can only help me so much. At some point I have to let a man, or men, touch me again.”
“The right man. Or men,” AJ said. “Ones who’ll be patient with you. Ones who’ll understand what you’ve been through, who know you need time to take this slow. Baby steps, Teresa.”
She tilted her head to the side. “You understand.”
“That you were violated? That your body still rebels against being touched?” AJ nodded. “Yeah, we understand. We may be guys, but we’re not dense, Teresa. Any man should understand that what you need most is time, patience and TLC. You have to do this on your own timetable, and in your own way.”
“I want to be whole again,” she said. “You have no idea how much I want that. But the guys around here . . . they know what happened and treat me differently because of it. They think I’m some china doll who’s going to break if touched. They give me a wide berth. They’re afraid, which in turn makes me feel damaged.”
Pax smoothed his knuckles over her cheek. “We’re not afraid of you, Teresa. Or of your reactions to us. Good or bad. And we sure as hell don’t think of you as damaged. What happened to you wasn’t your fault. You didn’t cause it.”
She inhaled, let it out on a shaky sigh. “Don’t I know it. I’d like an hour in a room with those two sons of bitches who did this to me.”
“Me, too,” Pax said, smoothing his hand over her hair. “The easiest way to get past this is to be with someone you trust. When you’re ready.”
The way she looked at Pax, her gaze so trusting, was like a gut punch to AJ. “I am ready.”
Pax smiled at her. “I think tonight proved you’re not ready yet.”
She sighed. “Well, goddammit, I want to be ready.”
Pax took her hands between his. “Give yourself a break, honey. There’s no hurry. Or timetable.”
“Most men—”
“We’re not most men.” AJ sat next to her. “You need to understand that. We’re not going to pressure you. Ever. You want one of us, both of us, that’s your call. On your timetable. You don’t, we’re still here for you.”
Pax lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her palm. “We’re on vacation. We’ll be hanging around for a while. You can count on us, Teresa, no matter what you need. If all you want is a couple of friends, that’s what we’ll be for you.”
TERESA HADN’T INTENDED TO SPILL HER STORY TO AJ AND PAX. She never liked talking about it. Talking about it was like reliving it, and she’d rather have a hot poker stuck in her eye than experience that night again.
Yet as soon as Pax and AJ had come into the room, the story had spilled out. It was as if she’d needed them to hear it. She’d wanted them to know why she’d run out of the room. It was important for them to understand they’d done nothing wrong. It hadn’t been them; it had been all her fault—her issues. It was important they know.
And maybe she’d wanted to throw down the challenge, see if they’d run like the others had. She’d told a couple guys about the rape before, guys she’d dated for a while and had tried to get close to.
They couldn’t handle it, had closed up on her, pulled away, and she hadn’t seen them again.
She supposed she understood why. A woman who’d been raped and hadn’t been sexually active since was more trouble than she was worth, especially a woman a guy was just starting to date. She was a mess of emotional scars, terrified of being touched again, yet craving that closeness with a man. That was one hell of a commitment most guys weren’t the least bit interested in making.
A man would have
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