includes you,” Darren said finally. “She was saying how…hanging on to a teenage fling is ultimately going to hold me back from recovery and it’s not healthy I’ve been with the same guy since I was fifteen. That was when I got angry. You’d be proud of me, mind, I didn’t do my nut. I walked out.”
“Well, it’s considered kind of bad to punch counsellors,” Jayden said and laughed a little guilty. He felt a little high, almost, or dizzy. Because academically, you know, maybe he could see the sense in her approach, but the minute Darren had voiced that implication, that they’d be better off apart, Jayden’s instinct had been to snap at him. And the counsellor. Because they wouldn’t and, if Jayden was really honest with himself, he would be hesitant to let Darren go even if it would make him better. It was selfish, but it was true.
“Well, we kind of tried apart,” he said eventually, and Darren laughed, draping an arm along the top of the sofa to tweak Jayden’s hair. “It didn’t work. At all .”
“No,” he said. “And if she can’t grasp after however many months of Sundays this has been now that you’re not some temporary thing for me, then how’s she supposed to help in the first place? She’s not fucking listening to me.”
Jayden nodded, still chewing on his lip. “Shit,” he said eventually. “That’s fucking stupid.”
“Yeah,” Darren agreed lowly, still playing with his hair loosely. “Where’s Rach?”
“Huh? Oh, out with Tony. He’s taking her to see a concert.”
“So she’ll be back late?”
“Yeah, I—oh,” Jayden murmured, his voice dropping as Darren shifted across the sofa and kissed him, one hand in his hair and the other sliding up his thigh, the palm hot through the denim, Darren using his mouth and chest to push Jayden down into the cushions. Jayden tangled his hands into that wild hair appreciatively, still damp from the shower at the gym, and said something breathlessly encouraging as Darren sucked a bruise into his neck, right below the jaw where Jayden liked it best. “I’m not prepared or anything,” he whispered as Darren slid that wandering hand around the back of his thigh.
“So we won’t go the whole way, easy,” Darren whispered into his neck, and made another bruise to match on the other side, leaving Jayden struggling to think. “Just let me appreciate for a while.”
“Oh, that’d be nice,” Jayden retorted, but the effect was lost in the groan that involuntarily rippled through his chest when Darren squeezed him through his jeans. “Fucking hell, Darren, we can’t on the sofa .”
“Watch me,” Darren challenged, pushing up Jayden’s T-shirt, and licking up his chest in fleeting little laps that had Jayden swearing by the time he reached his breastbone.
“Tease,” Jayden whispered. “Tease, tease, tease— Jesus —tease!”
Darren laughed, and it was the most beautiful sound in the world.
Chapter 10
“In all honesty,” Dr. Zielinski said finally, sitting back in his chair as Jayden finished recounting what had happened on Sunday, “I don’t think we need to be overly concerned just yet.”
Jayden chewed on the edge of his lip. Darren, who had said very little throughout the appointment, took his hand and squeezed it gently. Jayden laced their fingers together.
“Despite the emphasis placed on talking therapy, it doesn’t always help,” the doctor said flatly. “Some people are simply not built to open up, or open up in the environment that a counselling office creates. That is why anonymous phone lines or forums, or family members and loved ones themselves can be equally vital to helping a patient who is suffering.”
Jayden swallowed. Samaritans, the voice in his head piped up. He stopped calling Samaritans because of you, he stopped years ago after you accused him of…who’s he going to talk to without Elaine?
“How much coffee are you drinking now, Darren?”
“Two cups a day.”
“And
“Well, it’s considered kind of bad to punch counsellors,” Jayden said and laughed a little guilty. He felt a little high, almost, or dizzy. Because academically, you know, maybe he could see the sense in her approach, but the minute Darren had voiced that implication, that they’d be better off apart, Jayden’s instinct had been to snap at him. And the counsellor. Because they wouldn’t and, if Jayden was really honest with himself, he would be hesitant to let Darren go even if it would make him better. It was selfish, but it was true.
“Well, we kind of tried apart,” he said eventually, and Darren laughed, draping an arm along the top of the sofa to tweak Jayden’s hair. “It didn’t work. At all .”
“No,” he said. “And if she can’t grasp after however many months of Sundays this has been now that you’re not some temporary thing for me, then how’s she supposed to help in the first place? She’s not fucking listening to me.”
Jayden nodded, still chewing on his lip. “Shit,” he said eventually. “That’s fucking stupid.”
“Yeah,” Darren agreed lowly, still playing with his hair loosely. “Where’s Rach?”
“Huh? Oh, out with Tony. He’s taking her to see a concert.”
“So she’ll be back late?”
“Yeah, I—oh,” Jayden murmured, his voice dropping as Darren shifted across the sofa and kissed him, one hand in his hair and the other sliding up his thigh, the palm hot through the denim, Darren using his mouth and chest to push Jayden down into the cushions. Jayden tangled his hands into that wild hair appreciatively, still damp from the shower at the gym, and said something breathlessly encouraging as Darren sucked a bruise into his neck, right below the jaw where Jayden liked it best. “I’m not prepared or anything,” he whispered as Darren slid that wandering hand around the back of his thigh.
“So we won’t go the whole way, easy,” Darren whispered into his neck, and made another bruise to match on the other side, leaving Jayden struggling to think. “Just let me appreciate for a while.”
“Oh, that’d be nice,” Jayden retorted, but the effect was lost in the groan that involuntarily rippled through his chest when Darren squeezed him through his jeans. “Fucking hell, Darren, we can’t on the sofa .”
“Watch me,” Darren challenged, pushing up Jayden’s T-shirt, and licking up his chest in fleeting little laps that had Jayden swearing by the time he reached his breastbone.
“Tease,” Jayden whispered. “Tease, tease, tease— Jesus —tease!”
Darren laughed, and it was the most beautiful sound in the world.
Chapter 10
“In all honesty,” Dr. Zielinski said finally, sitting back in his chair as Jayden finished recounting what had happened on Sunday, “I don’t think we need to be overly concerned just yet.”
Jayden chewed on the edge of his lip. Darren, who had said very little throughout the appointment, took his hand and squeezed it gently. Jayden laced their fingers together.
“Despite the emphasis placed on talking therapy, it doesn’t always help,” the doctor said flatly. “Some people are simply not built to open up, or open up in the environment that a counselling office creates. That is why anonymous phone lines or forums, or family members and loved ones themselves can be equally vital to helping a patient who is suffering.”
Jayden swallowed. Samaritans, the voice in his head piped up. He stopped calling Samaritans because of you, he stopped years ago after you accused him of…who’s he going to talk to without Elaine?
“How much coffee are you drinking now, Darren?”
“Two cups a day.”
“And
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