Reverb by J. Cafesin Page A

thumb, strokes her cheeks gently, first one, then the other, his glassy eyes filled with compassion focused on her. “Cost of love is often illusive. Until we lose it.”
    She wants him to pull her face to his and kiss her. Tenderly. Passionately.
    Truck whizzes by, startling him. Mist and droplets sparkle in the headlights as he brings his hand back to the wheel, focuses forward, guns the engine and enters the crowded, fast-moving highway.
    “I’m sorry for your loss,” he says gently, his accent momentarily refined.
    “I’m sorry for yours, too, James.”
    He slowly nods. “Fucking sucks, being orphaned.”
    Kate manages a smile through her tears. Again, she’s surprised by his acute perception, and willingness to express it.
    They listen to several tunes of smooth acoustic rhythms. James keeps his fingers still. The disk changes and begins with wailing electric of Incubus. Fast, pounding beat adds to her angst that grows with each passing mile. Kate feels herself falling into the rabbit hole, blackness looming. Beyond Sacramento is San Francisco—home—alone. Again. Still. Back to the seemingly endless search for her prince.
    “We should be in the city in fifteen minutes. It’s where I take off, and you get back to your life.” He doesn’t look at her.
    She imagines asking him to stay with her until he’s well. She’d care for him. They’d bond, and like in the movies, he’d leave to reconcile his past then come back to her. She considers offering to take him to Tiburon again, give her the opportunity to network with more of his friends, keep track of him, but doesn’t. “Okay,” comes out of her mouth. “So, you’re off to Tiburon, then?”
    He nods.
    Kate looks outside. Housing developments line the highway on both sides now. The tall glass buildings of Sacramento sparkle with moonlight against the black backdrop of night. Brandon Boyd sings Drive against the wet road din. “What’s in Tiburon?”
    James stays focused on driving, as if she’s not spoken. Kate thinks he won’t answer her but then he says, “Money. Enough to get me set up some place safe. If I’ve got any left."
    “And if you don’t have any left?” I can save you...
    “Then I’ll be living a whole other kind of lifestyle than I hoped. Probably be a lot colder, at least in the beginning.” He flashes a quick grin. “Don’t worry about me, Kate. I’ll be fine. Money or not, I can be very resourceful.”
    “I don’t doubt that. For the asking, you could probably get most anything you want.”
    “Clearly not. Or I’d have my life back.”
    She stares at him. “You mean the one you tried to throw away?”
    James glances at her with a furrowed brow.
    Kate’s broken the glass wall and steps through. “Why did you try to kill yourself?” She has to know. She just can’t leave it.
    “I don’t want to talk about it.”
    “Did you really want to die?”
    “Yes.” He stares at the road.
    “Do you still?”
    “I don’t know. Sometimes.” He glances at her again then looks forward. “It doesn’t matter. I told you, I don’t want to discuss it.”
    “Why? I’ve thought about it in dark moments. I’m sure lots of people have. Suicide isn’t exclusive to artists and intellects, you know.”
    “My decision to slit my wrists wasn’t motivated from melancholy. I was trapped in hell and it was the only way I could think of to get out.”
    “Pretty radical solution.”             
    “A permanent one, to be sure, but at the time it seemed warranted.”
    “Don’t you care that it’s a mortal sin to take your own life?”
    He smiles. “No.”
    “Well, then don’t you care that you’d be hurting people that love you?”
    James stares out at the highway. His jaw tightens, his expression darkens, then veils, but Kate feels the weight of his sadness. She watches him for a second then has to look away. She’s all too familiar with that level of alone. Just hard to believe someone like James knows