made an effort, and even though it had turned out badly, that was all she got from him? Shut the door on your way out? She wasn’t angry. More like hurt. Okay, so maybe she’d overstepped the mark, and maybe she shouldn’t have barged into his room because he was, after all, a very private person. But, darn, she hadn’t expected this reaction. Hadn’t deserved it either, in her opinion. Well, so much for trying to be nice. “Fine,” she snapped. “I’ll shut your door.”
She really wanted to slam it, but she didn’t. Instead, she shut it quietly, listened to the hollow click, then went across the hall to her own room and listened to her own hollow click. It really wasn’t right, feeling so dejected about what had just happened, but she did. And for the next ten minutes she sat on the edge of her bed, wondering why she’d bothered in the first place.
Was she simply trying to get Ben to like or notice her, the way she’d spent a lifetime trying for those very same things with her family? Or were her feelings for Ben turning into something she’d never counted on?
Neither would come with a happy ending because they were hinged on something in Ben that wouldn’t be budged. Yet here she was, trying to budge him anyway, when she was the one who needed budging.
For the first time it occurred to her that Ben wasn’t going to be able to teach her what she wanted to be taught. Which meant there was no reason to stay.
Except she wanted to. And that was the thought that sent her running for the shower, to wash off the tea and, hopefully, wash away some of the confusion. Because she really, truly didn’t want to leave here, and the only reason that could be happening was that she was falling for someone who would never return her feelings. And that was what had got her here in the first place—her feelings.
CHAPTER SIX
H E REALLY wanted to lob the damned medical reference book at the wall. In fact, it was in his grip, ready to go, and the only thing stopping him was that someone out in the hall would hear it and come running. Then there would be questions, and he’d have to make up answers because he wasn’t about to tell anybody that he’d spent the last two hours fretting over things he couldn’t control. So what if she’d seen him...all of him? Did it make any difference? They weren’t involved, weren’t going to get involved. And she was a doctor after all. She’d seen scars. Even ones as bad as his.
But the look on her face...had he imagined it there? Or really seen it? Because it was no different than the look on Nancy’s face that day he’d trusted her enough to let his guard down. Nancy had gasped. So had Shanna. And Nancy had turned away. Shanna? He didn’t know what she’d done because she had been so involved in reacting to her spilled tea that he’d seized that opportunity to run for his clothes.
He shouldn’t have yelled at her, though. After all, he was the one who’d invited her to stay in his cottage. Sooner or later she’d have noticed more than the few scars that showed on his neck. She would have seen those on his arm, shoulder, chest, down his belly to his hip, and halfway down his leg. It’s who he was. What he was. And Shanna was perceptive. She’d already asked. Already started connecting the proverbial dots. Alcohol in his past, scars... And a lot more hideous dots to connect.
Tension running the length of his arm, Ben gripped the medical reference book so tight his knuckles turned white, then he stared at the book, willing it back to its spot on the shelf lest his frustration got the better of him. Normally, these things didn’t matter. He resigned himself to what he could and couldn’t have, and got on with life. But Shanna...why the hell was she stirring up these longings after he’d put them to rest? After he’d convinced himself it didn’t matter anymore? And there were so many regrets attached to those longings. Damn, he had a list of them.
Ben looked at the
She really wanted to slam it, but she didn’t. Instead, she shut it quietly, listened to the hollow click, then went across the hall to her own room and listened to her own hollow click. It really wasn’t right, feeling so dejected about what had just happened, but she did. And for the next ten minutes she sat on the edge of her bed, wondering why she’d bothered in the first place.
Was she simply trying to get Ben to like or notice her, the way she’d spent a lifetime trying for those very same things with her family? Or were her feelings for Ben turning into something she’d never counted on?
Neither would come with a happy ending because they were hinged on something in Ben that wouldn’t be budged. Yet here she was, trying to budge him anyway, when she was the one who needed budging.
For the first time it occurred to her that Ben wasn’t going to be able to teach her what she wanted to be taught. Which meant there was no reason to stay.
Except she wanted to. And that was the thought that sent her running for the shower, to wash off the tea and, hopefully, wash away some of the confusion. Because she really, truly didn’t want to leave here, and the only reason that could be happening was that she was falling for someone who would never return her feelings. And that was what had got her here in the first place—her feelings.
CHAPTER SIX
H E REALLY wanted to lob the damned medical reference book at the wall. In fact, it was in his grip, ready to go, and the only thing stopping him was that someone out in the hall would hear it and come running. Then there would be questions, and he’d have to make up answers because he wasn’t about to tell anybody that he’d spent the last two hours fretting over things he couldn’t control. So what if she’d seen him...all of him? Did it make any difference? They weren’t involved, weren’t going to get involved. And she was a doctor after all. She’d seen scars. Even ones as bad as his.
But the look on her face...had he imagined it there? Or really seen it? Because it was no different than the look on Nancy’s face that day he’d trusted her enough to let his guard down. Nancy had gasped. So had Shanna. And Nancy had turned away. Shanna? He didn’t know what she’d done because she had been so involved in reacting to her spilled tea that he’d seized that opportunity to run for his clothes.
He shouldn’t have yelled at her, though. After all, he was the one who’d invited her to stay in his cottage. Sooner or later she’d have noticed more than the few scars that showed on his neck. She would have seen those on his arm, shoulder, chest, down his belly to his hip, and halfway down his leg. It’s who he was. What he was. And Shanna was perceptive. She’d already asked. Already started connecting the proverbial dots. Alcohol in his past, scars... And a lot more hideous dots to connect.
Tension running the length of his arm, Ben gripped the medical reference book so tight his knuckles turned white, then he stared at the book, willing it back to its spot on the shelf lest his frustration got the better of him. Normally, these things didn’t matter. He resigned himself to what he could and couldn’t have, and got on with life. But Shanna...why the hell was she stirring up these longings after he’d put them to rest? After he’d convinced himself it didn’t matter anymore? And there were so many regrets attached to those longings. Damn, he had a list of them.
Ben looked at the
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