fell into pieces. The third year in which the closest person to me was taken away. Each time my thoughts bring me back to that day, to his last moments, I can not find even one damn reason why it should have not been me. As tomorrow becomes almost tangible, the memories that so far I’ve managed to keep at bay, crawl in. Sounds and voices, fragments of sentences, start funneling into my head, escalating into a beldam of accusations, and guilt.
I step back into the apartment and start pacing the space. Almost manically looking around, for something, I don’t even know what, something that will stop this commotion in my head. My heart drums to the beat of chanting in my mind. I pass room after room, looking, searching, till I find myself sitting at the side of my bed, next to an open drawer of the night table, with my unmarked gun in my hand. I observe the weapon, rotating it from side to side. My eyes roam over every mark, every turning, and every imprint. As I realize what I’m studying so fascinatedly in my hands, a cold shiver runs over me. I toss the weapon into the drawer and slum it shut. I drop back to the mattress and close my eyes under my trembling palms. I shake my head with a need to shout, with a need to shut it all out. I want to be numb. I need to do something to take it all away before I’ll lose it, and either destroy everything around me, or take a path that has no return.
The only thing that’s strong enough to maybe help sedate this madness would be to bury myself in Nia, continue where we left off just a couple of hours ago. That would surely help me forget, take me to better places. I just know it. And now that I've felt just how heavenly she feels, the want has intensified to levels I can't even deal with. The thought of any other pussy to calm the situation down is not even an option. Not even the twins, Ella and Eva, aka the Sisters of Mercy, that start a threesome party faster than you can roll on a condom, could kill this obsession. Bless their charitable spirits, of course.
Given her far from being tranquil reaction when I left her earlier, I decide to first text Nia before actually showing up at her door.
Hey, are you home?
I watch the phone stay still for five minutes. That turns into ten, and as expected, a reply doesn’t arrive. I don’t have it in me to go over there and apologize, explain myself, or whatever it is that might appease her. There’s just so much I can really deal with right now. I certainly am not in any condition to carefully cull my words, or even try to act civilized. While knocking on her door and pinning her to the wall doesn’t seem like something she’ll go along with. I give the closed drawer a second glance, heave deeply with the aim to keep my sanity intact and walk out the room.
I throw back the fourth shot of the frozen numbing liquid and embrace the desensitizing effect that doesn’t fail to show. As it starts spreading through my body and the light buzz takes over, I fill another glass to overflowing and down it, and the next one, and shortly after, another. When the room starts to blur and my feet begin to lose the ability to hold me, I lumber to my bedroom and crash to the bed. I close my eyes, let dear oblivion take over.
Chapter 16
Nia
For as long as I can avoid the world, I bunker in my apartment. I shove my phone under a pillow and skim Spotify for new songs. I listen to a tune that catches my attention, closing my eyes, thinking of possible dance steps. When five o’clock finally crawls in, I leave my bedroom, throw my duffel bag across my shoulder, and start for the door. I run by the coffee shop for an energy enhancement shot and head to work.
Today will be the first time I give Lily a private lesson. I worry my lips, taking the last few steps into the studio. When I asked Mrs. Perry about using the studio after hours for practice, she took the opportunity to brief me some more about Lily’s situation. She thought it would be
I step back into the apartment and start pacing the space. Almost manically looking around, for something, I don’t even know what, something that will stop this commotion in my head. My heart drums to the beat of chanting in my mind. I pass room after room, looking, searching, till I find myself sitting at the side of my bed, next to an open drawer of the night table, with my unmarked gun in my hand. I observe the weapon, rotating it from side to side. My eyes roam over every mark, every turning, and every imprint. As I realize what I’m studying so fascinatedly in my hands, a cold shiver runs over me. I toss the weapon into the drawer and slum it shut. I drop back to the mattress and close my eyes under my trembling palms. I shake my head with a need to shout, with a need to shut it all out. I want to be numb. I need to do something to take it all away before I’ll lose it, and either destroy everything around me, or take a path that has no return.
The only thing that’s strong enough to maybe help sedate this madness would be to bury myself in Nia, continue where we left off just a couple of hours ago. That would surely help me forget, take me to better places. I just know it. And now that I've felt just how heavenly she feels, the want has intensified to levels I can't even deal with. The thought of any other pussy to calm the situation down is not even an option. Not even the twins, Ella and Eva, aka the Sisters of Mercy, that start a threesome party faster than you can roll on a condom, could kill this obsession. Bless their charitable spirits, of course.
Given her far from being tranquil reaction when I left her earlier, I decide to first text Nia before actually showing up at her door.
Hey, are you home?
I watch the phone stay still for five minutes. That turns into ten, and as expected, a reply doesn’t arrive. I don’t have it in me to go over there and apologize, explain myself, or whatever it is that might appease her. There’s just so much I can really deal with right now. I certainly am not in any condition to carefully cull my words, or even try to act civilized. While knocking on her door and pinning her to the wall doesn’t seem like something she’ll go along with. I give the closed drawer a second glance, heave deeply with the aim to keep my sanity intact and walk out the room.
I throw back the fourth shot of the frozen numbing liquid and embrace the desensitizing effect that doesn’t fail to show. As it starts spreading through my body and the light buzz takes over, I fill another glass to overflowing and down it, and the next one, and shortly after, another. When the room starts to blur and my feet begin to lose the ability to hold me, I lumber to my bedroom and crash to the bed. I close my eyes, let dear oblivion take over.
Chapter 16
Nia
For as long as I can avoid the world, I bunker in my apartment. I shove my phone under a pillow and skim Spotify for new songs. I listen to a tune that catches my attention, closing my eyes, thinking of possible dance steps. When five o’clock finally crawls in, I leave my bedroom, throw my duffel bag across my shoulder, and start for the door. I run by the coffee shop for an energy enhancement shot and head to work.
Today will be the first time I give Lily a private lesson. I worry my lips, taking the last few steps into the studio. When I asked Mrs. Perry about using the studio after hours for practice, she took the opportunity to brief me some more about Lily’s situation. She thought it would be
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